atomant

"G'Day Mate, Aussie Helpline here... What's the problem , Cobber ..? " " I'm in Darwin with my Sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp ... and now her pussy has closed completely up" "Jeez.. Bummer mate ..!" "Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that ... Bye "

Kulula Airways -- Real things said on board ... "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one child, pick your favourite" An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight, he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile and give them a " Thanks for flying our airline" He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking at the passengers in the eye thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, " Sir, do you mind if I ask a question?" "No Ma'am" said the pilot, "What is it?" She said , " Did we land or were we shot down !"

A man walks into a bookshop and says "I hope you don't have a book on reverse psychology." and some stuff for copey ... After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The engineers read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. (P = The problem logged by the pilot) (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers) P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.

Watching the slow mo vid I can see that trials bikes would very much benefit from "Active" suspension. Now that would be a cool innovation

Yes I agree. That's why I mentioned 'set up for them' but a good suspension set up can make crap riders (like me ) get better results

The BIG questions is.. what can these new bikes offer which we do not already have on current machines? With the current variety of bikes, virtually every flavour of style and performance is covered already. What will be so special about these to get people to switch?

I am fascinated by the rear suspension systems on a Trials bike. There are some cool examples below on this vid when you can see who has and who hasn't got their suspension set-up for them as good as it can be. On splats you want the rear wheel to hug the landing zone but you can clearly see in this vid some rear wheel bounce and the resulting effects it has. The rear suspension is the most important thing to get right for riders at this level I think. IMHO of course

The problem was that you described the term 'Innovation' in specific terms inasmuch as a product had to be a commercial success to be regarded as innovative. Whilst this is one way of using the term, it is not the definitive definition. just saying .... Ponder this .. A man goes to the doctor and says " I have a problem with my foot" The doctor replies " Stop bragging, we know you're a 12" dick"

Yes you are right, the term innovation IS frequently misunderstood ... even by YOU You can innovate a process to work more efficiently within an organisation for example. There are lots of ways the term innovate / Innovation can be used.

That's a great article and a brand new engine as well ! Probably a FI 2 stroke ? - I am actually getting quite excited to see the new innovations Dougie is hinting at in this article - The approach to the design ( look at the good bits and bad bits of all the others and leave the bad bits and innovate on the good bits) sounds absolutely perfect ! I have a good feeling about this project. Vertigo's stock just went up in my book

This is just mad ! He cant be doing this for Business reasons because if he is, then I'm sorry, I know his pedigree as a trials rider is without question, but I think he needs to see a shrink ! But then again, if someone else is paying .........

Not exactly correct because you said "Clever ones do things to lose money and pay no tax." - The guy in the example above isn't doing something to lose money, he is just cheating the system to make more money for himself out of the income to his businesses . If you ran a business to lose money, sure you wouldnt pay tax because your business would go bankrupt. That was my point but I have to agree with this comment " Not many in Big business could claim to be NOT morally corrupt." Sad but true

Ok Lack of 'sensitivity' could be an issue as you say. I hear your comments about retaining the disc but the whole idea here is to remove the need for it because of the problems associated with it (i.e contamination and indifferent performance when wet)

So we have one person who has set up 2 companies to conduct inter-company trading in a way to avoid paying taxes. This is effectively ONE company with the benefits going to ONE individual, so his prime goal is for the combined result to make money. To make MORE money he has used this as a vehicle of tax avoidance to achieve that and in doing so, the rest of us honest tax paying people get hammered to cover the cost of this to the country. Its not smart do to this, its morally corrupt! Anyway, back to the thread.....

Great to hear you had a positive experience and yes you are right, the trials fraternity are a great bunch

No one loses money in business on purpose. Whats the point of that? There are many vehicles for manipulating your businesses finances to offset losses against taxes but the idea is to make money not lose it. I agree some people do things in business for other reasons than to make money if they have already made so much they don't care about losing/wasting lots of it. It seems the owner of Vertigo just may be in that very position

Talk me through this will you ......

Electric motors give lots of options and they are the best option for trials in the future for sure.When you look at a modern trials bike there are lots of areas that could be improved with enough time and money. The big question is whether any money can be made at it? If there is, I'm in

Thanks for replying I did mention in my first post that there would be some play due to the chain but my thinking here is for non-stop trials in a constant forward motion. With hydraulics ( or electromagnetic systems) you can get a virtual linear control on brake tension and therefore this would be beneficial if this wasn't affected by contamination or anything else. I haven't proposed this for the stop trials like indoor as it wouldn't really add anything

Thank you for replying Yes- The output shaft to the rear wheel would be directly braked and therefore with the clutch held in, the engine would rev as usual - If you tried to have the brake on and let the clutch out the engine would stall.

Thanks for replying Yes, heat creation and dissipation is an issue and why I proposed this for a trials machine only because of the low speeds involved. I am certain that the extra weight isn't that significant and to most trials riders, they wouldn't notice it. Hydraulic drive to the back wheel would be interesting incorporating a braking system. All interesting concepts when you get thinking about it

Thanks for replying Would love to see any details of there are any out there?

Thanks for replying I think the additional weight would be negligible to be honest. I'm thinking the benefits would outweigh and weight gain and also, this isnt aimed at the bous's of this world, its more like the majority of clubman riders who really wouldnt notice it anyway?

The recent thread about the new Vertigo machine and the lack of real innovation in trials machines has led me to think of some ideas that would be pretty cool to overcome some of the issues I know about riding a machine. One of the biggest problems of all time is braking. The latest disc brake technology is the best on offer at the moment and obviously, a big step up from Drum brakes but there are still some major issues:- Disc brake contamination Exposure to damage Lack of consistent control particularly when wet Pad wear and regular maintenance needed I have been toying with a concept and wanted to put it past the very knowledgeable people here to see if this is something worth pursuing. Feel free to rip it to bits or add some constructive comments. Firstly, I am thinking that this would just be for trials machines ONLY because of the slow speeds involved where finesse of braking would be of a serious advantage. Ok, my conceptual idea is to design a hydraulic braking system which is incorporated in the output shaft section of the gearbox which would limit (and stop) the rotational speed of the shaft with almost linear control. The braking would be transfered through the rear chain to the rear wheel. There would be no external braking disc or ancillary equipment. This system would provide the following: No disc brake contamination No external exposure to damage Consistent and linear performance even in the wet No Pad wear - Hydraulic oil would be the only consumable The only obvious downside is that because you are not directly locking the back wheel at the back wheel but braking the wheel through the chain, there will be a little play and movement at standstill. This is aimed at the majority of riders who ride non-stop and want that extra bit of control when going down those banks etc in any conditions who currently either have no brakes or the wheel locks up. Anyway, I know you will tell me what you think. Many thanks Ian

Titanium linkages the works! they don't mess about at TTT