the_oil_baron

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University . On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same ***king elephant. This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullsh*t stories

A tough old cowboy from Texas counselled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning. The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103. When she died; she left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren ...........and a 40 foot hole where the Crematorium used to be.

In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)." Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP). And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks. And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are." And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com. Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE). That is how it all began. Amen...

Came home last night, found a note on the fridge from my wife. It said "It's not working any more, I'm going home to mum" I opened the fridge.... light's working.... beers still cold.......... dont know what she's on about...

Three men - a Canadian farmer, a Eastern religious fanatic (cant say Muslim) and a White Trash Biker are all walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total", says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming. The "religious fanatic" was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Palestine, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land." POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries. The Biker says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out: it's virtually impenetrable." The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer, lights a cigar, smiles and says, "Fill it with water."

Pedro and Maria got married. Pedro was a 'man about town 'so to speak, but Maria was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees. Pedro was a poor working man and would not afford to take time off for a honeymoon. So, that night they retired to his little shack. When Pedro was undressing Maria said, 'Oh Pedro, what is that?' Pedro, being very quick thinking, said, 'Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these. ‘And, then, he proceeded to show her what it was for, and Maria was happy. The next morning Pedro went off to work as usual. When he returned home that evening, Maria was on the front porch obviously upset about something. 'Pedro, you told me that you were the only man in the world with one of those, and I saw Gonzalez the gardener changing his clothes behind the shed, and he had one, too.' Thinking fast, Pedro said, 'Oh, Maria, Gonzalez is my very best friend. I had two of them so I gave him one. He is the only other man in the world with one of those.' Marie being very stupid accepted his answer and they did their thing again that night. Pedro went off to work the next morning; and, when he returned home, Maria was very upset, stamping her foot on the porch. Pedro said, 'Maria, what is the matter now?' 'Pedro, you gave Gonzalez the best one'

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner . They were gazing lovingly at each other and were holding hands. The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair and under the table - but the man stared straight ahead. The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the man stared straight ahead. The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risque and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man "Pardon me, sir, but I think your wife just slid under the table." The man calmly looked up at her and said, "No, she didn't. She just walked in the door ."

After a difficult birth the new arrival turned up today.....a 2011 Evo 300 4t......and I am one very happy parent. .............. not the newish two stroke as expected but rarely for this area a tidy four stroke popped up at dead right money and I beat seven other callers to the guys door. The baby turned up a 3 weeks ago but I'm concerned......I think he might want a GasGas...any advice on this family dilemma would be gratefully received...

When I get back from messing around with drilling rigs (hence the time spent surfing our local ads and not working) in the Middle East at the end of the month I'm looking at moving up from my trusty old Rev3. The Rev3 is a far better bike than I am rider but wifey says I can so I will. Well she's having a new baby (due around the day I get home) so I'm having a new bike .......that was my argument anyway. There's a 2012 and a 2014 250 Evo for sale not too far away and and I'm wondering what if any is the difference. More to the point would a fat, aging but enthusiastic amateur who spends more time upside down in the mud rather than right way up ever notice. We don't actually compete around here we just give each other style points for hitting trees. There's not much money difference between the two but the 2012 looks mint and has a low comp head fitted (if my french translation is any good) which might suit my wobbly style and our muddy banks better... In an ideal world I'd like a four stroke but they're expensive, rare as rocking horse dung in these parts and I can't justify a new one without getting her pregnant again......

Hi.....a new bike is always a good idea... after all you can't have too many bikes in the shed....

Well done mate. I'll see you sometime next week so I can demonstrate how to fall off a trials bike properly....

Not much of a 'scene' just a couple of us daft old buggers falling off in the mud....... I would invite you for a ride out (I can only ride one bike at a time so there's always a spare) while you're over but I'm off back to work in the middle east on the 28th till end of Feb..........but there again if you're about before then....??? Come to think of it anyone is welcome if they're in the area just give me a shout. I'll let you know if I'm around. There is a proper club near us up at Bourbriac (they hold the French Nationals each year) with pukker big rocks to train on apparently. Never had the opportunity to go myself.... always been stuck out in the desert playing with drilling rigs..

Looks right money to me for this area. I've got one and it's a lot better than I am........in saying that all trials bikes are a lot better than I am..... I've just posted a reply for you on your introduction posting. http://www.trialscentral.com/forums/topic/54070-hi-from-france/page-2 Cheers Col

Hi richfr, I just noticed this post (and your other post in the Beta section) saying you're looking at buying a Rev3. Where are you at? it looks like we might be near neighbours. I'm up near Callac at Plusquellec. There's a few of us who regularly fall off (I'm particularly good at that bit) trials bikes around here and we have no shortage of woods to play in. I've a 250 Rev3 (not to mention an Ossa MAR and an old Zero) if you want pop over and try one you're welcome to before you buy. I might even sell you it...(I have my eye on an EVO). PM me if you're interested in an afternoon getting muddy. As for the internet connection around here it seems fine to me. Cheers, Col

This was a useful link: http://www.trialscentral.com/forums/topic/31066-novogar-boots/ I bought a Pair of Novogar from GasGas in Buxton. They are the only ones I found that fitted my fat legs comfortably. I'm well impressed with them. Just noticed they're on offer at 120 quid....that leaves change for beer..... http://www.trialendurodirect.com/categories/29_30/Boots.html And that's probably why I've got fat legs.....

'Captain Smithers' In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel. After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man, God, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless." Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three foot tall. "Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself." "Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight boxing division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of..." Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, the CO can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the local witch doctor to get f$%ked."

My next door neighbour's got one and swears by it. They reckon it's the best motor they've ever had. It's usually used as a glorified wheelbarrow and filled to the roof with bales of hay for her horses. They also have a Landrover Discovery but it hardly turns a wheel they just use the Doblo for everything even when they make trips back to the UK from France. I know it's had a drive belt issue (think it was the idler pully bearing went), new heater plugs (don't all little diesels) and a leaky injector but that's all I know of. There's a lot of room in the back I think you should be able to squeeze a couple of bikes in.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his sparse diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him, wait for it..... a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

It been done once by a reputable UK firm who also sorted mine...no problem with the turnaround or the service; absolutely first class...the problem is time. His has family coming over from the UK on Wednesday to visit and they're bringing his grandson with his trials bike. What he's looking for is a quick fix (hence does a Techno stator fit?) while the original is repaired so he get out in the woods with the young one. I'm away to work in the Middle East for a month on Wednesday so I'll leave him my 250 anyway just in case.. Appreciate the comment Cheers

From what I can see on the parts list the "electric flywheel" is listed as one part on the Techno (different number to the Rev3) and the rotor/stator are listed as seperate parts on the Rev3. Thanks for the idea

Just posting a quick question for a mate of mine as for some reason he can't log into the site. His stator has died on his Rev3 125 again. He has located one on a local website here in France which is apparently off a Beta Techo 50. He says in the picture it looks identical. Basically the question is will it fit? Concensus of opinion is no; but does anyone know different? Cheers Col

Brilliant!

Afraid not I'm just a working visitor on an oil rig and all we saw was the road from the airstrip to the rig site. They wouldn't let us off the site due to security. No time anyway working 12 hour days. I'm in Nairobi today and off to the airport in an hour. Back to Dubai today and home to France in a couple of days. I might get back to Kenya in May/June but it'll just be a flying visit to check the rig is still doing what we told them to. Really appreciate the offer. I'll give you a shout if I can persuade the wife to come here on holiday. Cheers

HI, I've been up near Lokichar all this week a bit farther north than you......trouble is they don't allow trials bikes on drilling rigs..... I keep looking at the hills in the distance thinking ooohhh I'll bet that's fun to ride up.....and fall down....I'm good at the falling down bit Cheers