the_oil_baron

Everyone's a comedian nowadays. Even the paramedic who was unable to resuscitate Whitney couldn't avoid the old gag when he radioed dispatch and said "It's Houston, we have a problem". She's in a new movie......The Body Bag

Sent you the list. My mate had a look at it and he say's that type of tap shouldn't have "O' rings.

I've sent you a PM, don't know if it'll help but send me your email and I'll send you the Zero parts list.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters . ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No , I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do.. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes , voodoo. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you ****ting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Managed to watch the Staffs Moorlands Club trial the other week. Only had the phone camera so a few are a bit shakey...brilliant weather and great peak district scenery. http://s1083.photobucket.com/albums/j387/Henshaw100/Staffs%20Moorlands%20Trial%20Nov%202011/?albumview=slideshow

A "small gathering" he says, last time half the bikers in Britanny turned up.......they obivously heard about the burgers and pies ... and allegedly it went on way past my bedtime Unfortunartely I won't be back in France till February so you won't get the chance to laugh at me falling off... Have fun guys

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions". The husband turned to his wife and said, "Darling, that is a load of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time. So she said: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest willy.

Don't worry about the stator if it's running OK. I damaged mine through abuse and ignorance....a little knowledge is a dangerous thing ......and got it fixed for 45 quid by West Country Windings (am I allowed to advertise? If not sorry Mr admin). They repaired it based on what was needed. Mine just wanted one coil rewinding. Did a great job and turned it around in a week..

When you say pick up doesn't seem very quick I assume you mean engine revs. Pull the throttle grip rubber back and if the twist grip is black it's had a slow throttle fitted, if it's white it's a fast throttle. I fitted a slow throttle (black) to my rev3 to steady it down....worked a treat just took the edge of it nicely.

I have a feeling by the time I get back the tyres will have no tread, the engine will be seized, the frame will be bent, the clutch knackered......and Mike will have moved house........French Mike has a reputation around here as being a bit of a tree hugger.....

Hey, that's not such a daft idea ........it's her birthday next month....and all I have to do now is wrap it for her And it'll be a really nice surprise instead of the usual flowers and chocolates I'm definately dead .....French Mike is keeping it at his house until I can drum up the courage to tell her... Any more suggestions (excuses) will be very much appreciated

My wife will kill me but I spotted this on the French version of fleabay (Leboncoin). Well, I thought for 500 Euros why not, give it a go. I'm working out in the Middle East at the moment so my mate (French Mike) went to to fetch it. And.... he recons it a good 'un. Trouble is it'll be a while before I get back to play with it. When the Missus finds out I've bought yet another bike I'm definately dead

Some cracking pics..good one

Brilliant, Thanks Woody. The original mounts are still there at the top of the frame loop. I've got a good idea what to order now. Cheers

Hi, Last year I picked up a cheap 250MAR 1974/5 and promptly fell off first time out due to my own incompetence. I'm fairly new to trials but the Ossa definately did not react the same way as my Beta Rev3 when I went up a gentle bank. The result was much pain, blood, 8 stitches, more pain, then a very nasty hospital infection with lots more pain... and it also put me off work for 75 days....did I mention the pain? Anyway I'm all healed now so back to the question. Looking at the bike it appears to have been modified with shorter rear shocks fitted than standard, I hear this was a modification and standard on later bikes but I'd like to get it back to somewhere near original while making it as user friendly as possible. So which rear shocks should I fit and what length should they be? Any recommendations on make or supplier? Cheers

I tried every pair in the shop and found Falco enduro boots were the only ones to reach around my fat legs. http://www.giannifalco.com/uk/detail_products.php?cod=107&linea=9 I tend to disagree with the hiking boots idea after an early experience of a quick dab resulting in a clout on the calf with a footrest..ouch And don't even mention the Ossa handlebar attacking my inner thigh.....I'm now into my second month off work.......I wonder if I'm really cut out for this trials lark.....

Great stuff thanks..

Well I thought it was destiny... a tidy 1975 Ossa 250 MAR turning up for sale in my village.... I couldn't not buy it...And I still don't regret it. However, my missus now has other opinions and it also appears destiny has other things in mind when it comes to me having middle aged ideas about off road fun. Fortunately you will be pleased to hear at no time during my abject stupidity were any motorcycles harmed in any way.. I picked up the bike and was off straight away to French Mike's house to play in his field. And, half an hour later I was off to the local hospital after losing a daft wheelie at the top of a tiny bank and managing to let the left handle bar rip hole in my inner thigh....anyway result was eight stitches and a wound that I'm sure the nurse used a food mixer to clean out...At least that's what it felt like for the next couple of days. Anyway, the main reason for the post is not to demonstrate how inept I am at trials riding but to find out the best sources for info on the Ossa. General stuff like where to get parts and technical info etc. Anything really would be helpful... Cheers (it's for the pain you know..)

You've not broke it already have you Mike? Otherwise if its not broke don't fix it If you have nip up to my house and use mine while I'm away...The missus will provide tea as well..