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The annual amateur race meeting descends into a slanging match. Team 'Tortoise' and Team 'Hare' are about to start when team 'Hare' suggest team 'Tortoise' are fielding a ringer so they lodge an official complaint with the Clerk of the Course :- Team Hare : ''But look at him, he's got no eyebrows''. CoC: ''That's not a valid complaint''. Team Hare: ''But he's got no lips, just a slit for a mouth''. CoC: ''That's not a valid complaint''. Team Hare: ''But his skin's all scaly and dried out , reptile style''. CoC: ''That's not a valid complaint''. Team Hare; ''But he's got no ears ,just holes that are flush with his skull''. CoC: ''That's not a valid complaint and I'm tired of all this, give me one good reason why you keep contesting Team Tortoises amateur status?'' Team Hare; ''I'm telling you.................................................. ......................................................................... ......................................................................... .........................................................that's f***ing Nikki Lauda !

.....or the Taliban police informer....... ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;.......Wasim...

Was it not one of those very rare Manx dogs?

A dirty old man shuffles into a sex shop and asks to buy an inflatable sex doll. The shop keeper runs through the schpiel:- Blonde doll

Waterboarding a 4 year old...and he can't control her at that age .God help that dad when she gets to be a teenager, here some options: 1) Young ladies like to dress in bright colours so maybe buy her some nice orange overalls and a nice pair of 'industrial' bracelets ( sack cloth hoodie optional). 2) The Americans are fond of Summer-camps so send her for a vacation at sunni (sp?)Camp X-ray. 3) If it all gets out of hand, dad could call in an airstrike if he meets any resistance (optional Napalm). I hope this story is unsubstantiated .

TL = Toob-less as the yanks would say. $7 for a rear is very cheap though ?? I'll have 10 at that price !!

A crazed man kicks the door in at a GPs surgery just as the GP is examining a patient. ''How dare you burst in ......'' raged the doc but he was cut short when the intruder put a carving knife to the docs throat and said:- ''I wanna be castrated, right now, my wife will leave me if I don't do something about it...it'll save my marriage''! The doc tries to calm the man by explaining the medical facts and tries to get the man to book an appointment..to no avail. ''Right here! right now!'' screams the knife-man. ''You'll be in agony,you'll need an anesthetic'' states the doc. ''No I won't !'' shouts the nutter ,''I'm not giving you the chance to call the police!'' So, fearing for his life, the doc goes ahead and castrates the nutter on the desk ,with a scalpel. The nutter screams like a banshee and collapses to the floor clutching his blood soaked crotch. Just then another loony runs through the door-way with a knife shouting ''Doctor,doctor you've got to circumcise me NOW!'' Then the first nutter points a bloody finger towards the second knife-man and says: ''Circumcise?..that's the f***ing word!''

An agitated man bursts into the doctors practice and asks the receptionist if he can see a doctor,immediately...''.a male doctor.. a professional...a mature GP...an experienced man of the world...someone who better not laugh at this problem!''. The receptionist can roughly guess what the man is getting at but has to inform him that there are no appointments available with a male doctor until next week. The man is desperate, so he accepts an immediate appointment with a female GP. Once inside the man states again that the GP must treat him with dignity and not laugh at his problem. The Gp is offended and retorts:- ''I can assure you I have the same qualifications and experience as my male colleagues and will treat your problem in the most dignified,professional manner!''. ''Ok''. says the patient and drops his pants to reveal the worlds smallest male genitals ,a 1/10th scale willy and matching miniscule balls. The GP is struggling to stifle her laugh and simpers; ''...and hmmmm what appears to hmmm be the problem? ''PROBLEM?....PROBLEM?''...said the enraged man.................................................................... ''It's f***ing swollen!!!''

I've just fitted one and tried it See last post HERE

Looks good from this angle What is the world land speed record for a trials bike I wonder?

...and for those of you that give a 5h1t.....OOOOOH, well I never

How very dare you I think Big Johns post was honest and factual What's up chuck?

That's a tidy looking Bug, I learned to drive (under-age) in one of those...a 1303s super-beetle, not quite as powerful as yours though! Does your wife have any problems seeing where she's going when the front lifts like that...it would be like taxiing a spitfire???

Don't you mean: 'Tally ho''? Tonto grasses up the Lone Ranger to the Comanche Indians, who kill all cowboys according to their tribal customs. The big chief tells the LR that he has,according to their traditions, 3 pleasures to experience before they gut him alive in front of the whole tribe. e.g. Get stoned on 'um peace pipe? Get high on their homemade hooch? Get jiggy with a lady? He elects to have a word with his horse 'Silver'; he pulls it's ear open and whispers inside. The intelligent horse nods, bolts off over the horizon returning quickly with a buxom saloon barmaid in the saddle. All the Comanche braves are seriously impressed and give the LR a round of applause when he takes the barmaid into his tent. Then the chief offers the LR some booze but....... the LR just wants a word with Silver again;he pulls it's ear open and whispers inside. The intelligent horse nods, bolts off over the horizon returning quickly with a very fit young squaw. All the Comanche braves are seriously impressed and give the LR a round of applause when he takes the squaw into his tent. Then the chief offers the LR a draw on the peace-pipe and warns him it's his last pleasure but....... the LR just wants a word with Silver again; This time he furiously grabs the horse by the balls and screams:-'' I f***ing said POSSE!''

They could always ring Sandifords if they get stuck?

I can just see those t-shirts now.....for sale in some yorkshire trials store..... 'T'OSSA

Did I mention it was a Vee..it's not vee good. Had it down to 1or2 psi to get anywhere. Wasn't worth the effort after all...doesn't grip as well as a worn Mich. The tyre walls are rigid,it makes things pretty numb as far as feeeling for grip goes (makes the bars waggle as well!). When I go to launch it has about a split second pause until it finds some grip,by then it's caught me out. It's early days I suppose,I might get used to it.

Dyslexic goes to the opticians, but the opticians door is locked with a sign saying 'out to lunch', the dyslexic wipes the door with his finger and says ''doesn't even look wet''.

This is a bit vague I know but..I had a bike which I struggled to ride with a slow throttle (when you needed the 'zap' but had to cover the front brake )..then I changed to a quick throttle and it became too pokey all round ( I think it was a 2003 Sherco 290). I seem to remember cutting a deeper 'start' to the groove in the fast throttle.

If you can't beat 'em...... Capello rings up Wayne Bridge and says: ''Wassamada you?......Eet as append, John Terry haz lost zee England Capeetains arma-banda........... .....do me a favohr Wayne? look-ah-to-see if eet is under your bed.''

I've been thinking of ways to kill kenny (off)..so let's end on the ultimate funny joke------- .....That's it ,finished..all over...move along now...scram, vamoose....nothing to see here...haven't you lot got homes to go to?

Like you say:- If they sold in larger numbers then another manufacturer/supplier would dive into the market to sell their own version (cheaper?/better?) .... that's how to keep prices down. One supplier=one monopoly=no competition=

Facts, here: I had 3 different Gassers and finally gave up trying to get them to grip ...even with brand new tyres on. Bought a montesa 315 (with a near slick rear tyre)and stopped coming down hills backwards. One of the main priorities for me when looking for a new bike is;Does it grip by itself..'cos I can't get a bike to grip using my meagre talent alone. Even when I borrow a ride on a modern Pro I can tell it's not going to grip (for me). Opinion, here: Flog it and move on or buy/steal some skill from somewhere.A bike that doesn't suit you can put you right off the sport! I have vivid memories of getting stuck (Grand old Duke of York style) half way,couldn't get up and couldn't get down! You may not have wanted to hear that?

My previous girlfriend was a bit cross-eyed ....I had to finish with her........apparently she was seeing someone else!