Andy

Mr Rapley has been advised that Mr. Sandham must give up a minimum of two copies of his forthcoming book as competition prizes on TC in return for the extensive plug he received tonight. I believe Mr. Sandham is in agreement to this arrangement

Closing this topic as Tony has successfully posted a Poll you can vote in here

Yup, pretty good for a first attempt. I expanded it a bit for you.

Can somebody put the real Eddie back on please. This impostor is being far too nice. He'll be saying he likes Dougie next

It's easy to start your own Poll on here. Just look at the options when you post a topic. You can ask multiple questions and set multiple options for answers. I can't say exactly how you do it as I've got admin rights and what I see on screen is different to what you see, but it's very easy - just look around.

Since Copey has taken "Anything Goes" all political, I do like this one... At last, Gordon Brown decided to throw the towel in and resign. His cabinet colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him. So a senior civil servant - 'Sir Humphrey' - went from Whitehall to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the possibilities. "They have a number of locomotives at the NRM without names," a specially-sought consultant told the top civil servant. "Mostly, however, they are freight locomotives." "Oh dear, that's not very fitting for a prime minister," said Sir Humphrey. "How about that big green one, over there?" he said, pointing to a beautiful train numbered '4472'. "That's already got a name" said the consultant. "It's called the 'Flying Scotsman'." "Oh. Couldn't it be renamed?" asked Sir Humphrey. "This is a national museum after all, funded by the taxpayer." "I suppose it might be considered," said the consultant. "After all, they did rename a number of their locomotives after directors of the company, and even renamed one of them Dwight D Eisenhower." "That's excellent", said Sir Humphrey, "So that's settled then .. let's look at renaming 4472. But how much will it cost? We can't spend too much, given the expenses scandal!" Well, said the consultant, "We could always just paint out the 'F'"

DL Press Report: Dougie Lampkin reinforced his legendary status within the sphere of global off road motorcycle sport, as the veteran trials rider stole a late and heroic victory at the famous Hell's Gate Extreme enduro held in Italy. Lampkin overcame a painful and restrictive ankle injury, sustained at last weekend's FIM Indoor Enduro World Cup event in Barcelona, Spain to defeat fellow British rider Graham Jarvis in the closing metres of this ultra tough competition. Confirming the sheer severity of this almost perverse test of man and machine, Lampkin and Jarvis were the sole two finishers from the one plus entry that begun the day long battle deep in the Italian hills. Dougie passage to victory was anything but easy and was a true story of pure grit and determination on the behalf of the ex multi FIM Trial World champion. It was unclear if Lampkin would even start the race after he suffered ligament damage to his left ankle and attended hospital last Sunday evening, but having made it on to the famous Hell's Gate podium twelve month's ago at his first attempt Dougie was adamant that he would return to fight for the win on this occasion. Conditions were typically tough for this annual early season gathering, with heavy rain in the days before the event leaving the ground soaked and slippery in places, whilst parts of the course still remained frozen solid following the recent bout of severe winter weather. Undeterred by these factors, the thirty-three year gritty Yorkshireman used every inch of his great off road experience to keep in contention throughout the day despite obviously being in considerable pain and being hampered by his injured ankle. Dougie qualified for the afternoon's main event in fourth place behind event favourite Tadeusz Blazusiak, Jarvis and Andreas Lettenbichler after three gruelling opening laps. Lampkin should have placed higher at this stage of the proceedings, but a crash in the last special test saw him lose valuable time as the trials legend struggled to retrieve his bike from the rugged landscape following a potential event ending crash. Battered and bruised even at this point in the day Lampkin was not confident that he was in good enough physical shape to survive the toughest part of the competition where riders are eliminated lap by lap if they fail to stay in touch with the leaders. Blazusiak was an early casualty soon after the mid afternoon start, with the recently crowned FIM Indoor Enduro Cup champion and twice winner of this event retiring as a result of his fall. With the Polish rider out of the running it looked like Jarvis had the win within his grasp as he held an eight minute lead over Lampkin in what was now a straight head to head battle, with these being the last two riders standing. Dougie dug deep, knowing that anything can happen in this unique event, and made one last effort to close in on his countryman as they came in sight of the final climb known locally as Hell's Peak. With adrenalin masking his true pain, Lampkin passed Jarvis on the early part of the hill before pushing his way to the summit where a screaming Italian crowd played their traditional part in dragging the eventual winner to the top. The relief and jubilation was clear to see as Dougie realised the sheer scale of his achievement. Totally exhausted Lampkin stated. "I really can't believe that I have won, as the odds were certainly against me. Earlier in the week I was not sure if I was going to be able to ride, but I decided to come and see how it went. But even after qualifying this morning I was still not convinced that I was going to be able to make it to the finish." Dougie continued. "Although I pushed hard on the last lap I never really expected to catch Graham, but when I saw him stopped on the last hill I knew it was my moment. Reaching the top was a special feeling and ranks right up their amongst the other things I have won in my career. What makes the victory even better is winning in Italy for Beta, as they are so passionate about this event, so I am really pleased for them too." "My ankle has swollen to the size of my thigh, but hopefully I can be somewhere near fit for the Tough One back in the UK later this month, as this is another event I would love to win." Lampkin concluded.

Woo! Open season Hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa. Or the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse. I used to be dyslexic, but I'm all now right

I was talking to someone about this yesterday and apparently the guy behind it is known for putting on a good show, but he does get money from local sources to help fund it - might be local tourist board or local government etc, but there is funding to help him. I didn't make Sheffield this year because of the weather, but I did think when I got photos through from the event that I could have re-published 90% of my photos from last year and nobody would have been any the wiser. It's all too "samey". Year after year, same old sections. It needs variety and, as much as I dislike the French, I gotta take my hat off to the organiser of Tolouse for having a bit of creativity. If there was a different theme at world Indoor rounds every year then folk would come, see something different from what they've seen previously then go home wondering what they'll come up with next year - making them want to come back. Given World Indoor round organisers have to pay hefty fees to the FIM for staging an Indoor round, getting bums on seats is what it's all about.

I officially declare this the best joke in this topic thus far. Told my mate it in the pub on monday night and the pair of us sat giggling like kids for about 20 mins after

Dougie Lampkin ended his night with a trip to hospital as he crashed out of the last race of the fourth and final round of the 2010 FIM Indoor Enduro World Cup. Lampkin had begun the day so well with a strong showing throughout both timed training sessions and his qualifying race. The thirty-three year old ex multi World trials champion followed up his opening performances with respectable sixth and fifth places in the first two main races before disaster struck in the final encounter. The closing round of the 2010 FIM Indoor Enduro World Cup took place in a near capacity crowd at the imposing Palau Sant Jordi arena that sits high above the city of Barcelona. Dougie is no stranger to this famous setting having competed many times at the World Indoor trial event in the past. This time Lampkin was an interested spectator for the early part of the evening as the indoor trial series joined the enduro World Cup for the first time to create a unique and highly successful event. Confirming his smooth transition to this relatively new discipline, Dougie topped his timed pratice session ahead of recently crowned FIM Indoor Enduro World Cup Champion Tadeusz Blazusiak. Weaving its way around the trials sections the enduro course offered little respite for even this elite group of riders, with the never ending rock section along the back part of the track being one of the most evil tests. The technical nature of the circuit seemed to suit Dougie as he once agained topped Blazusiak during the second time session to give himself first gate pick for his qualifying race against David Knight and co. Unfazed by his relative lack of experience compared to his rivals, Lampkin made a good start in the first qualifying race and slotted into a safe second place behind Knight. With the top four riders guaranteed an immediate transfer to the main races, Dougie adopted a conservative approach and cemented his position behind Kinight to book his place in the final, whilst still lapping up to third place. Average starts in the first two finals meant Lampkin had to work hard on both occasions to secure his sixth and fifth places respectively, despite never having the opportunity to challenge the guys he had held his own against earlier in the proceedings. Another solid placing in the last outing of the evening would have given Dougie a top five finish overall against a truly World class field, but this was not to be the case. Another mid pack start left Dougie in the mix, and despite holding his own for the first four laps disaster was to strike as another rider wiped him out in the log section. Lampkin did try to get restarted, but an injury to his left ankle meant he was unable to continue. Medical attention trackside was soon followed with a trip to the local hospital, which thankfuly revealed no broken bones, but ligament damage to the joint. Sore and frustrated Lampkin stated." It was definitely not the end I was looking for, as another top five or six placing would have probably been enough to have put me fourth overall, which is the best result I could have hoped for against such strong opposition." "My lap times show that I have the speed, I just now need to be able to translate that speed into a race strategy. My ankle is quite swollen, I will try to ride on Tuesday, and after that I will decide if I am fit enough or not to go to Hell's Gate. There is no point going to Italy if I can not put my full weight on my ankle, as there is a lot of pushing to be done." Dougie ended. Rider/ Nat / Machine Total = F1+F2+F3 Total F1 F2 F3 1: Tadeusz Blazusiak POL - KTM 39 12 15 12 2: David Knight GBR - KTM 35 15 10 10 3: Ivan Cervantes SPA -KTM 28 1 12 15 4: Daniel Gibert SPA - Yamaha 21 10 3 8 5: Joakim Llunggren SWE - Husaberg 21 8 8 5 6: Graham Jarvis GBR - Sherco 14 3 5 6 7: Mika Ahola FIN - Honda 13 6 4 3 8: Dougie Lampkin GBR - Beta 11 5 6 - 9: Xavier Leon SPA - Gas Gas 8 2 2 4 10: Mario Roman SPA - KTM 6 4 1 1 Championship Final Standings: 1: Blazusiak 174, 2: Cervantes 115, 3: Ljunggren 95, 4: Jarvis 70, 5: Gibert 63, 6: Ahola 47, 7: Knight 43 , 8: Lampkin 43, 9: Brown 32, 10: Meo 27

Not sure why you put this in off-topic. Kickstart is very much Trials-related and a subject that comes up time and time again! Have moved it somewhere more relevant

Normally I wouldn't post anything that contains swearing so be warned, the drunken commentary to this video made by someone who's obviously had a good night out and is just making his way home does contain swearing, but he caught this pair of wasters bang to rights! This is what we pay our taxes for... Apparetly it's made the press and is now "under investigation". There will be a few funny handshakes and no further action taken.

Find the man called Carlos Casas - he is the Spanish SSDT Ambassador! He posts on this forum as trialero13, but I just noticed he has not been here since November 2009 which is not like him. I hope all is well If you find him here or on Todotrial he will make sure you are okay for the SSDT as he has many years experience of riding the SSDT and helping new Spanish riders. He can give you best advice as a new rider.

A famous Oxford Professor is carrying out an in-depth study of bestiality within the UK with a view to finding out why certain regions and people abuse farmyard animals. To begin his research he heads north, first to rural Aberdeenshire, an area noted particularly for men with a love of sheep. The first man he meets is Slapshot. They have an in-depth discussion about why Slapshot likes to have sexual relations with sheep culminating in the Professor asking his favourite position. Slapshot replies that it has to be back legs in the wellies to stop them from running away and take them from behind. He also adds that an added benefit is if you take them close to the edge of a cliff as they then push back as you push forward! Heading further North, the Professor stumbles upon Bigfoot buried deep in a ewe half way up Bennachie. After the traditional

Didn't think much of the joke, but the picture was one of the first things I saw when I woke up this morning. I approve of that, most definitely

Photos courtesy of TC's resident weatherman/pie fanatic on front page

I can get you these guys for twenty Benson & Hedges and three pints of lager

What a great story For overseas readers, the press got hold of the lad's plans, it's been on national news here and just gone crazy from there

See this topic as to why your post would have disappeared

Fuji 7th? What's going on there?

Jack & Jill both worked for this large multi national corporation. The President of this company said to one of his managers that he needs to lay off one of his employees. The manager replies that he hired both Jack and Jill at the same time and they were the last to be hired so doesn't know who to lay off. The president says go make an executive decision. The Manager approaches Jill and says I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off. Jill replies

One thing that comes up almost on a daily basis is the whole "legalities" thing - How do I road register my bike? Where can I insure it? etc etc. These topics get spread all over the place. I've created a new Forum in the UK section for precisely topics like that to make it easier to collate and find information. To avoid constantly adding new Forums and the place getting overly cluttered, I also put the DEFRA Forum "to sleep" for the time being as it's not been posted in since Oct 2008. Daresay I'll find need to resurrect it again at some point

Sneak preview pics