Andy

Normally I wouldn't post anything that contains swearing so be warned, the drunken commentary to this video made by someone who's obviously had a good night out and is just making his way home does contain swearing, but he caught this pair of wasters bang to rights! This is what we pay our taxes for... Apparetly it's made the press and is now "under investigation". There will be a few funny handshakes and no further action taken.

Find the man called Carlos Casas - he is the Spanish SSDT Ambassador! He posts on this forum as trialero13, but I just noticed he has not been here since November 2009 which is not like him. I hope all is well If you find him here or on Todotrial he will make sure you are okay for the SSDT as he has many years experience of riding the SSDT and helping new Spanish riders. He can give you best advice as a new rider.

A famous Oxford Professor is carrying out an in-depth study of bestiality within the UK with a view to finding out why certain regions and people abuse farmyard animals. To begin his research he heads north, first to rural Aberdeenshire, an area noted particularly for men with a love of sheep. The first man he meets is Slapshot. They have an in-depth discussion about why Slapshot likes to have sexual relations with sheep culminating in the Professor asking his favourite position. Slapshot replies that it has to be back legs in the wellies to stop them from running away and take them from behind. He also adds that an added benefit is if you take them close to the edge of a cliff as they then push back as you push forward! Heading further North, the Professor stumbles upon Bigfoot buried deep in a ewe half way up Bennachie. After the traditional

Didn't think much of the joke, but the picture was one of the first things I saw when I woke up this morning. I approve of that, most definitely

Photos courtesy of TC's resident weatherman/pie fanatic on front page

I can get you these guys for twenty Benson & Hedges and three pints of lager

What a great story For overseas readers, the press got hold of the lad's plans, it's been on national news here and just gone crazy from there

See this topic as to why your post would have disappeared

Fuji 7th? What's going on there?

Jack & Jill both worked for this large multi national corporation. The President of this company said to one of his managers that he needs to lay off one of his employees. The manager replies that he hired both Jack and Jill at the same time and they were the last to be hired so doesn't know who to lay off. The president says go make an executive decision. The Manager approaches Jill and says I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off. Jill replies

One thing that comes up almost on a daily basis is the whole "legalities" thing - How do I road register my bike? Where can I insure it? etc etc. These topics get spread all over the place. I've created a new Forum in the UK section for precisely topics like that to make it easier to collate and find information. To avoid constantly adding new Forums and the place getting overly cluttered, I also put the DEFRA Forum "to sleep" for the time being as it's not been posted in since Oct 2008. Daresay I'll find need to resurrect it again at some point

Sneak preview pics

Eh? It's not happened yet! That Alzheimers is a real bitch...

Mom was driving in the country with Junior when she hears from the back seat "Look Mom, a Moo Moo." Mom tells Junior "You are seven years old now, you should call things by their proper names. It's not a 'Moo Moo', it's a Cow". Things a quiet for a few minutes, when again from the back seat Mom hears "Look Mom, a Baa Baa." Mom is a little miffed and replies "Junior, I told you earlier that I want you call things by their proper name. It's not a 'Baa Baa, that is a sheep". Again, things are quite for a while. Mom feels a bit guilty and to make amends, asks Junior what he is doing. Junior replies "I'm just reading a book, Mom". "Really, what's it called?" "Winnie the ****". ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Copey comes home three sheets to the wind and all three sheets ripping bad, Budweiser sloshing around in his belly like a keg adrift in a hurricane. He loop-legs through the door and is met by Mrs Copey , who is scowling, figuring he's been out jumping new bones. "Where the hell you been all night?" she demands. "At this fantastic new saloon," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden." "Bull****! There's no such place!" Copey says, "Sure there is! Joint's got huge golden doors, a golden floor. Hell, even the urinal's gold!" Mrs. Copey still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her old man's story. "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone. "Yes it is," bartender answers. "Do you have huge golden doors?" "Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?" "Most certainly do." "What about golden urinals?" There's a long pause, then Mrs. Copey hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that p****d in your saxophone last night!" (sorry Mark!) --------------------------------------------------------------------- There's this prostitute and she's blind. She knows her own street so well that she doesn't need her white stick. While on her street she gets run over by a car. The driver runs out and says "Are you all right?" The hooker says "I'm blind, I'm blind!" "No, you're not," the driver says "How many fingers am I holding up?" The prostitute says "****, I'm paralysed!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q: What have fat girls & mopeds got in common? A: They're fun to ride until your mates see you! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- A couple decided to move, along with their five year old son, to a nudist colony. After only a couple days residence there, the little boy came inside and asked his mother, "Mom, why do some women have bigger breasts than others?" "Well," responded the small chested mother, "the bigger the women's breasts are, the more stupid the woman is." A couple hours later the child returns with the question, "Mom, why do some men have bigger pee-pees than others?" "The same reason," answered the mother, "the larger they are the dumber they are." A short time later the boy rushed in and shouted, "Mom, you gotta save Dad. He is outside talking to this really, really stupid woman and he is getting dumber all the time!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex." Mum and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- A little girl says, "Grandpa, can I sit on your lap? "Why sure you can," her grandfather replied. As she is sitting on grand dad's lap she says, "Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?" "A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog." The girl says, "Grandpa, will you please please MAKE a sound like a frog?" Perplexed, her grand dad says, "Sweet heart, why do you want me to make a sound like a frog?" And the little girl says, "'Cause Grandma said that when you croak, we're going to Florida!"

I've come across a 148 page Word document I compiled from years of subscribing to the newsgroup alt.tasteless.humor and various other joke newsgroups back before the Web was invented and newsgroups were about all we had. Most of it couldn't be published here, but scanning back there are some I can (just!) Q: What is the definition of wicker box? A: What Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna ----------------------------------------------------------- Q: What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie? A: A dog that rips your leg off then runs for help. ----------------------------------------------------------- You know you're having a bad day when the town nymphomaniac tells you she likes you, but just as a friend. ----------------------------------------------------------- Q: How do you make five pounds of fat attractive? A: Put a nipple on it. ----------------------------------------------------------- Q: Why don't women fart? A: Their mouths are never shut long enough to build up any pressure. ----------------------------------------------------------- Q: What is the definition of making love? A: It is what a woman does when a man is ******* her. ----------------------------------------------------------- Q: How do you know when your wife is dead? A: The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up. ----------------------------------------------------------- A man meets an attractive woman in a bar, they start talking, and eventually he winds up going over to her place. One thing leads to another, and they have sex. After their "one night stand" concludes, the woman gets out of bed, wanders over to the bathroom, and starts brushing her teeth. Five minutes pass, ten minutes pass; after about 15 minutes, she finally opens the bathroom door. The guy looks at her and says, "Hmmmm, I bet that you're a dentist." "Wow! That's true... how did you know that?" "You spent over 15 minutes in the bathroom brushing your teeth. Only someone like a dentist would do that." "You know," she said, "I can tell what you do too... you've got to be an anaesthetist." The man was shocked: "Geez, you're right! How the hell did you figure that out?" "Well," she replied, "While we were having sex, I didn't feel a thing, and before I knew it, the whole thing was over." ------------------------------------------------------ A young footballer plays in the amateur league for a while then gets signed up by West Ham. The manager says to him,

How did you pay? If by credit card or PayPal you've got some comeback. If by Maestro/Switch, not so easy.

Oh poo. Been a few years since I was down for the Colonial and I was thinking about making the journey this year

I wrote this document for the Scooby Club, but it's equally relevanton here as both site run the same forum software: clickable_links.pdf

On the tarmac 1/2 a mile outside Mallaig

I've already posted this in the Rappers Column about Sheffield, but for those who don't pick it up there the FIM have announced changes for the next round Clickety linky

Came over the Slug Road to Banchory today and can tell you he's not kidding! Parts of the road are like a river.

Was wondering that myself. Not been up to the Pollock for a few years so might head up this year.

The Polish rider Tadeusz Blazusiak (KTM) has been proclaimed World Cup champion of the Indoor Enduro tonight in Vigo, after the third event in the competition. As in the two previous events, Blazusiak dominated the three finals. The Swedish Joakim Ljunggren (Husaberg) was second, beating by one point the Spanish rider Iv EnduroIndoorVIGO_results.pdf

We have two open topics on the same thing! All Sheffield stuff in this topic please!

He's not happy