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A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant. “Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic.I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients”.“Yes, sir!” answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: “So, Murphy, how was your day?”
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. “The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.”
“Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?” asks the doctor.
“The second one had indigestion so he did and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir.” says Murphy.
“Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?” asks the doctor.
“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman borsts in so she does. Like bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!' “
“Tunderin' lard Jesus, Murphy, what did you do?” asks the doctor.
“I put drops in her eyes.”
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Still no success tracing the 'owner'.....
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I don't, but....... my brother in law travels to Riga regularly and buys vodka in 0.7 litre aluminium bottles.
Ideal to fill with fuel and tape it to the bike. Saves buying a bigger fuel tank.... A lad on an enduro bike last Sunday 'borrowed' one off me as a reserve tank for his bike.
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I had one on a race bike, a chap who posts on here, seedoubleyou, used to sell them. Excellent bit of kit.
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An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans,
Walk into a very fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group.
"You can't come in here without a Thai”
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I went there to a New Years day trial a few years back and met my old mate Brian Woods there letting his son have a play on his '60's Bultaco which he bought new when he worked for Jimmy Cunningham at High Street Motors, (Triumph dealer) in Clowne....
Excellent little course....
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Me too, I found it a bit strange when I had to wear one.... took some getting used to.
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R71Xhrkc3EQ&time_continue=3&ebc=ANyPxKprI6Q1BsgDI2KKmAD7dwmYhrDbyqqwSUNleSeqtnczTeoUTlPl9U1Dwexdg2D7QluxLOKT
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Used them on a couple of my race bikes, fit and forget.
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Thorpe Salvin was the best trials course ever, I'm looking out of my window at the 'Rhodesia' course now....
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Not a member, but I can remember it... and the numerous other clubs in every town and village.
Bolsover pit was the first and last pit I went down, with other pits in between. Happy days....
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How big's the boat? I'd have been better off with a boat than a trials bike last Sunday.......
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If he's anything like me he'll need help to stand back up on the footrests once he has to (and he will) sit down, I sat down and had to stop the bike to get back up.
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Word of warning about the modern bikes..... there's no seats, you can't paddle out of a section.... ?
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I'll try that...... thanks...
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At a wedding ceremony the minister asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to
stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace. The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She stood up and started walking slowly towards the minister.
Everything quickly turned to chaos.
The bride threw the bouquet and burst out crying.
Then slowly the groom's mother fainted.
The Best Men started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.
The minister asked the woman, "Can you tell us, why you came forward? What do you have to say?"
There was absolute silence in the church.
The woman replied, "We can't hear at the back."
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And on pa's site.... http://www.trialsport.com.au/TY175/
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Workshop Manual Yamaha TY50, TY80, TY125, TY175 1974-1984
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Hi Bob, This is Alan next door.
I have a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can't live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.
The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know.
The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. It won't happen again.
Please suggest a fee for usage, and I'll pay you.
Regards, Alan.
THE ACTIONS
Bob, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his neighbour dead. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone where he saw he had a subsequent message from his neighbour:
THE SECOND MESSAGE
Hi Bob, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the typo on my last text.
I expect you figured it out anyway, & that you noticed that darned Autocorrect changed 'Wi-Fi' To 'Wife'. Technology hey?
Regards, Alan.
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Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash in Alaska with bush pilot Wiley Post, was one of the greatest political country/cowboy sages this country has ever known. Some of his sayings:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow pat on a hot day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading - and the few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding ahead of the herd take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta’ the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he start roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometer. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about ageing is that it's such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.
Today it's called golf.
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http://1funny.com/mac-kings-infamous-rope-trick/
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