spen

"Jesus loves you." A nice thing to hear in church, not so great in a Mexican prison!

An old chap goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution . When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor . The female doctor says,"I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side,bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say , '99'. The old guy obeys and says, "99". The doctor says , "Great", now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say , '99". Again, the old guy says, '99'." The doctor said, "Very good". Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'. The old guy begins, "One... two.. three."

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does she begins to gently caress his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replied." "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him" she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

Chap goes into a live seafood restaurant and is shown to his table. Waiter wheels out a fish tank of live stock for him to choose from. After a good look he says, "I'll have that squid in the corner, the green one with the moustache". Waiter wheels the tank to the kitchen & pulls out the green moustached squid, he hands it to his chef, Gervais & says. "Gervais, kill and cook this squid for the man at table 3". So Gervais takes the squid, pops him on his chopping board and raises the cleaver...... The squid realising his impending doom and looks up, raises his claws and shouts, "No no not me, no not me". Gervais is overcome with emotion & runs out of the kitchen crying....... The waiter rushes in and sees the problem.... Then looks to the big guy who does the washing up; Hans, and says, "Hans you will have to do it, kill and cook this squid for the chap at table 3". So Hans raises the cleaver..... little squid once again raises his claws, and looks up, "No not me no not me" he pleads..... Hans too, is overcome with emotion....bursts into tears and runs out of the kitchen...... .......And that just goes to prove that,........... Hans that do dishes are as soft as Gervais with a mild green hairy lipped squid!

...

A flight is on its way to Sydney when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney and I’m staying right here”. The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won’t move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney and I’m staying right here”. The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason. The pilot says, “You say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde”. He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry” and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy. The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. I told her, “First class isn’t going to Sydney “.

Thank you......

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. 'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine!!' 'Nonsense,' the doctor said...'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.' 'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.' "Well, said the doctor, let me ask you this. How often do you have sex???" The man seemed a bit ashamed..'I've been working hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months. ' 'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently - "It's Rust."

Caswell's tank liner?? Not affected by modern fuels.

I've just seen an Asylum seeker at side of the road eating grass. So I pulled up in the car and said. "Hey! " Don't eat that. Come home with me, mate and I'll feed you." "The Asylum seeker said " I have 4 wives and 12 kids, can they come too?" I replied " Oh, come on mate your having a laugh, I've only got a small lawn."

A mother shark is teaching her young how to eat humans... "First, you go straight at them and then you circle them. You go straight at them again and circle them again. Finally, you go straight at them and then you eat them" "But, mom, why can't I just eat them the first time around?" "Well, I suppose you can, but why would you want to eat them with all the **** still inside?"

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

An elderly gentleman.... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

Fordy finished, 12th. Up against pukka race bikes on the oldest bike on the grid. Delighted. Pic' shows him loading up to go.....

Engagement ring... Wedding ring.. Suffe ring.....

That is lovely.....

Write up....

http://www.spencerracing.co.uk Web site updated........

Thanks John, they do their best.....

Is the exhaust clear? No severe carbon build up or dents stopping the flow of exhaust gases?

Black cable tie?

http://eandt.theiet.org/news/2016/may/motobot-challenges-rossi.cfm?utm_source=Adestra&utm_campaign=ECopy%20of%20E%26T%20News%20-%20Automation%20FINAL%20-%20NON%20MEMBER&utm_medium=Newsletters%20-%20E%26T%20News&utm_content=E%26T%20News%20-%20Non-Members&utm_term=http%3A%2F%2Feandt.theiet.org%2Fnews%2F2016%2Fmay%2Fmotobot-challenges-rossi.cfm&utm_contact=603532

Wins with the Norton Commando, Pete Weston on board, wins for Erv' Wallace on a Yamaha 600, closely followed by James Ford on another of my 600 Yamaha's.... Pic' shows Erv' just in front of James. James is off to the IOM on this bike on Wednesday for the Pre TT classic...

Good day at Darley Moor today, Erv Wallace (Yamaha 600) took an outright win in the Superstock class and fastest lap, followed by a class win and overall 2nd to a Honda 1000. Pete Weston: Two wins on the Norton Commando. Very pleased with the results...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qGAnmRb66s0&ebc=ANyPxKoUIRTvYsnmKb8G7KI9X6Pm6mj9ljAJzRHuA8ZoCftGJnMrdg_y1ic-ZxcZOOvAI0P7DBkw