spen

The teacher was asking the children what they had for breakfast, and then to spell it."Mary, what did you have?" "I had cornflakes, Miss. C-O-R-N-F-L-A-K-E-S." "Very good. Alan, what did you have?" "I had toast, Miss. T-O-A-S-T." "Very good. Now Johnny, what did you have?" "Bugger all, Miss. B-U-G-G-E-R......" "Yes, thank you Johnny, that's enough of that. Let's go on to some geography. Tracey, where is the Panama Canal?" "Between North and South America, Miss." "Very good. George, where is the Mexican border?" "Between the USA and Mexico, Miss." "Very good. Now Johnny, where is the Polish border?" "In bed with my mum. That's why I had bugger all for breakfast, Miss."

Treat it with caution if you're worried. A bike is only as powerful as the throttle you give it...... and remember a throttle works both ways.....

Spacers???

An Arab sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world. Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, a diamond necklace for his wife, and $100,000 in appreciation for the blood donation. A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a corrective surgical procedure. Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who this time was more than happy to donate his blood. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He then phoned the Arab and asked him:- "I thought you would be more generous than that. Last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and money, but this time you only sent me a lousy thank-you card and a crappy box of chocolates?" To this the Arab replied:- "Aye, laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins."

Normal.......

Caswells do a liner which has worked well for me in the past.

Keep pumping, don't give up.......

Done......

Trials stuff....... http://daveriley.weebly.com/observed-trials.html

Jenny's write up...... Spencer Racing Honda 466/4:- Race starts: 30. Race finishes: 30. Well, after a long eleven months away from racing I was very much looking forward to last weekend's BHR meeting at Mallory Park. I've never raced at Mallory before but have lots of happy memories of spectating there with my Dad in the late '70's and early '80's. I was entered in the D&M Engineering Japanese 500 Air Cooled class, and was accompanied by Phil Bootherstone who was racing his Triumph Daytona in the B.E.A.R.S.. We arrived on Friday afternoon and both bikes were thoroughly checked at Scrutineering and passed without comment. Due to a lack of wherewithal we would be spending the night at Phil's home in Burton-Upon-Trent while our new Paddock neighbours kindly ffered to keep an eye on the bikes. Apart from the expected deluge of rain during Friday night we weren't expecting any problems on the following morning. Back at the circuit on Saturday, the first job was to mop up the raindrops which covered the bike. As a matter of course I went to check the tyre pressures and found that, oddly, I couldn't get a reading on the front tyre. It seemed that the little pin in the valve wasn't pushing inwards. I tried pushing the nozzle of the tyre pump on, and although I could get some air to go in there was even more coming out! I didn't have a spare valve, or even a tool to remove the old one, but as there was a long queue building up for noise testing there was at least some hope of getting it fixed in time. Happily Swervin Ervin Wallace came to the rescue with a valve tool, and after flapping up and down the Paddock for a few minutes I eventually found Ken Inwood who sold me a new valve for a very reasonable 50p. So.. Tyre valve fitted, tyre pumped up, helmet on, fuel on, gloves on.. oh dear.. A quick glance revealed fuel gushing out of the carbs, over the back of the engine and into the catch tray. A sharp tap with a small spanner against the float bowls cured the issue, but of course there was a big pool of petrol in the catch tray which needed mopping up, and the first of only two Practice sessions had already started. Still, I eventually got going and went through noise testing. I think the guy said 99db before putting the sticker on the bike. I then whizzed round to the Assembly Area and Practice Session Two was already underway. The Marshal kindly opened the gate for me and I promptly stalled the bike. After a couple of pathetic attempts to push start the bike the same Marshal took pity on me and kindly gave me a push and then it was off down the Start/Finish straight with a huge sense of relief that I'd made in to Practice and hence Racing. I don't remember much about the Practice sessionand I only did about three laps, but still I latched on to a group of riders who were going at a reasonable pace and got a decent view of the correct way round. The Honda has a very tight steering lock, it takes about a fifteen point turn to get the bike turned around, and I'd been worried that it might be an issue at the Hairpin, but I seemd to be able to get the bike round cleanly. Not particularly quickly, but at least under control, which is probably more important at this stage in my glittering career. With the BHR the grid positions are worked out before the meeting, by ballot I think, and are actually printed in the programme. As I am not a member of the VMCC I wasn't eligible to score any points and was placed at the back of the grid in Position 19 for Saturday's races and one row forward in Position 18 for Sunday's races. Phil is a VMCC Member and found himself in Position 2 for his first race. The B.E.A.R.S. race was run alongside the big bikes in the Three Bears race, which is kind of poetic. Phil put up a good performance, chasing a Triumph triple and keeping ahead of a Laverda Jota. Next it was my turn, and I made a reasonably good start. As the Honda has a standard road bike gearbox, first gear is quite low and so the bike launches off the line quite smartly, for the first few yards at least. So, anyway, I got past a handful of bikes going into Gerard's, and another one or two on the run into Edwina's and up to the Hairpin. As the race settled down I found myself chasing a Yamaha RD425 which was very smartly turned out in TZ style bodywork. The Yamaha seemd to launch out of the corners quicker than the Honda and the rider was certainly claiming the best lines for himself. Still, I was able to cling on and on one lap I was close enough to dive up the inside going into Edwina's but to be honest I'm not yet confident enough to make any aggressive moves and by the time I'd realised there was a potential opportunity to overtake the moment had gone. By the end of the race the Yamaha crossed the line 0.09 seconds in front which is a bike length if that. The final result put me in 8th place out of 14 finishers which was very happifying. I enjoyed the race very much and my best lap time was 1:12.68 which gave me a base line to work from. Phil's second race came to an early halt due to a broken ignition wire. Rather a frustrating thing, but at least it was a simple problem with a simple solution. By then it was properly raining so I don't think Phil felt terribly hard done by. A couple of races later it was my go and by then the rain had stopped but the track was still damp with no dry patches as far as I could tell. I've never raced on a damp track before and was a little apprehensive. On the opening lap I figured it best to judge things by how fast everyone else was prepared to go and take it from there. By mid race I was up behind the Yamaha I had been chasing in the first race. I decided to try to overtake around the outside at Gerard's, partly because the opportunity presented itself, and partly because it seemd like the safest place to have a go. The overtake seemed to take forever but it worked and I managed to make it stick. At the end I finished 7th out of 10 with a Best Lap of 1:16.75 which, interestingly, was quicker than a couple of riders who finished further up the field. If I haven't mentioned it before, the tyres on the Honda are Heidenaus and they were reassuringly good on the damp track with no problems at all. Also the new leathers were comfy enough to not be distracting, and having proper armour, rather than the soft leather on the old set, was a definite confidence booster. On to Sunday and the promise of better weather. As it turned out it was somewhat cold and windy all day but at least it was dry. It was also the special day of the weekend as Spen and Sue were there, along with a couple of friends including ex-racer John Siddons. John had not one, but two, bad bike accidents last year, resulting in serious head injuries. It was really good to see him up and about again. Phil's first race of the day went well and he made an heroic out-braking manoeuvre going into Edwina's on the first lap, getting past about five riders. In my race things were a little different to Saturday as we were joined on the grid by ten other riders who were competing in the Bonhams Auctioneers Over 50's Championship. I was on Position 18 on the grid and the Over 50's riders were behind on a variety of bikes both big and small. I made a decent start and going into Gerard's I decided to go for the outside line, getting past a couple of bikes. By mid corner I was surprised and amazed to see a big blue bike come flying through the narrow gap between me and the guy on the inside! Coming round to Edwina's things were becoming very busy and I found myself on the right hand side of the track, which is just as well really... I'm not entirely sure whether I knocked it down a gear too far, or simply messed up the braking, but either way, going into the corner the rear wheel slewed round to the right. On full lock and heading for a high side I had no option other than to keep steering right and head off onto the grass. The ride across the grass wasn't as bumpy as I was expecting as the ground was soft and wet. Still, I managed to keep it upright and at least the spinning back wheel saved me from stalling the bike! Eventually I dropped onto the tarmac at the end of the old Stebbe Straight and set off to re-join the race. I don't know how many places I lost, I certainly didn't gain any, although it was a momentary consideration as I didn't want to be in any more trouble than I was already in! Back on track and in the race I began closing in on the rider in front, and eventually was close enough to see the large number 33 on the riders back which meant that it was none other than Mike Powell on his BSA Bantam. That bike is astonishingly quick, and of course Mike is a top rider. The Honda was faster on the straight, but not by as much as you might think, but as Mike was in a Championship and I was a non-point scoring guest, also the rest of the field was quite spread out, it made sense to not get in his way and simply enjoy a masterclass from someone who knows what he is doing. We would have reached the finish line close together if I hadn't hit one of those hemispherical rumble bumps coming out of the Bus Stop on the last lap. Not recommended as it gives you quite a jolt. Final position 14th out of 23. Best Lap 1:12.08 which was an improvement on Saturday and would have been a respectable time if I'd been riding a Bantam! For the final race it was just the D&M Engineering Japanese 500 class lined up with 14 riders on the grid. I made a reasonable start and was trying to stay in touch with a group of three riders who were ahead of me. Gradually they pulled away so I ended up circulating on my own, just trying to improve my riding. Final position was 8th out of 13 finishers with a Best Lap of 1:10.48 which I was very pleased with. So, all in all a jolly good weekend. Mallory Park is now ticked off my list, I enjoyed all my races and improved my lap times, did a comedy grass tracking routine, and the only things that broke were an ignition wire and a 50p tyre valve. Happy days indeed. Thanks must go to Phil & Sally for support in the Paddock and overnight accommodation. To Swervin Ervin for help with push starts and enthusiastic encouragement. To Pete Weston (who had several well deserved 3rd place finishes on his immaculate Seeley Commando) for transporting the Honda away from the circuit to save us from doing two trips with Phil's single bike trailer. Finally, last but by no means least, to Spen and Sue for making it all possible.

http://daveriley.weebly.com/ Try again.....

... from all types of motorcycling events....

Are they boots are fishing floats??

Sorted.....

Stick me down for 20 quid, please. How do I pay?

Bit of H20 in the fuel?

Air leak......

Brilliant Beijing Hotel Brochure - Translated as only they can. Getting There: Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests. The Hotel: This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self. The Restaurant: Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you. Your Room: Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! ... You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts. Bed: Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers. Above All: When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

A chap out fishing on his boat gets caught up in a storm and gets stranded on a desert island. He's been there all alone for a year when he sees a cruise ship come into view, to his horror as he's waving to attract attention he sees the ship start to sink. An hour later he sees Kylie Minogue lying on the beach, exhausted. He picks her up and carries her back to the hut he's fashioned from branches, leaves and grass. He nurses her back to health and after a week she's fully fit. As a thank you she offers herself to him and they start a relationship. After three months he asks her if she'll wear his clothes and paint a moustache and beard on her face with ash from the fire. Kylie thinks it's a bit odd, but does as he asks. He then asks her to walk along the beach where he says he'll meet up with her and he'll approach her and call her John. She walks along the beach and he approaches her. He says to her: ' John, guess who I'm shagging, only bloody Kylie Minogue'.

That model is lovely.

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics' shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens & a goose. However, struggling outside the store, he now had a problem--how to carry all his purchases home! While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Why, thank you very much," he said, and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way, he said, "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time!" The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to protect me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?" The farmer said, "Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

A most enjoyable day. T'was bloody cool though. johnboy999's camper was very welcome.

I was standing in a bar in town yesterday and this little Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer. I said to him, "Do you know any martial arts, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?" He says "No, why you ask me dat, is it coz I Chinee"? "No", I say, "It's because you're drinking my beer."

Excellent pic', thanks.

Sunday.....