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Brilliant Beijing Hotel Brochure - Translated as only they can. Getting There: Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests. The Hotel: This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self. The Restaurant: Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you. Your Room: Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! ... You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts. Bed: Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers. Above All: When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

A chap out fishing on his boat gets caught up in a storm and gets stranded on a desert island. He's been there all alone for a year when he sees a cruise ship come into view, to his horror as he's waving to attract attention he sees the ship start to sink. An hour later he sees Kylie Minogue lying on the beach, exhausted. He picks her up and carries her back to the hut he's fashioned from branches, leaves and grass. He nurses her back to health and after a week she's fully fit. As a thank you she offers herself to him and they start a relationship. After three months he asks her if she'll wear his clothes and paint a moustache and beard on her face with ash from the fire. Kylie thinks it's a bit odd, but does as he asks. He then asks her to walk along the beach where he says he'll meet up with her and he'll approach her and call her John. She walks along the beach and he approaches her. He says to her: ' John, guess who I'm shagging, only bloody Kylie Minogue'.

Brilliant, thanks.

That model is lovely.

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics' shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens & a goose. However, struggling outside the store, he now had a problem--how to carry all his purchases home! While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Why, thank you very much," he said, and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way, he said, "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time!" The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to protect me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?" The farmer said, "Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

A most enjoyable day. T'was bloody cool though. johnboy999's camper was very welcome.

I was standing in a bar in town yesterday and this little Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer. I said to him, "Do you know any martial arts, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?" He says "No, why you ask me dat, is it coz I Chinee"? "No", I say, "It's because you're drinking my beer."

Excellent pic', thanks.

Sunday.....

I can see a seat...... ?

Yes, fingers crossed.

There's more manuals of a general nature on his site.... http://www.carlsalter.com/motorcycle-manuals.asp

I agree....

This site has some old manuals for free download. Select the manual you want to look at, type the number/text shown in the picture, press 'download' and away you go..... Handy site.... http://www.carlsalter.com/classic-bike-service-manuals.asp

Reminds me of the dyslexic woman who left her husband a note saying she fancied anal, he spent all day at work excited, he got home and she'd run off with his mate Alan.......

A man goes to the doctors with a small lump on the bridge of his nose The doctor examines him and says "well this is strange, but it appears you are growing a second penis"! "WHAT"! says the man "HOW THE HELL AM I'M GOING TO APPEAR IN PUBLIC LOOKING LIKE THAT"! "Calm down" replies the doc "you won't see it" "Really"? "Yeah....The bollocks will cover your eyes"

Thanks. I'll be standing next to a 460-4 Honda and a 750 Commando looking puzzled.

Mallory Park this weekend with BHR. Hopefully it will stay dry.

In my day that's all you could do......

A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small antelope being chased down by a cheetah. While the kill was about to happen before their eyes, the husband casually remarked, "l bet the antelope gets away." The wife answered, "If that antelope survives this one, l'l give you sex every day for the rest of your life." The deadly chase was recorded........... ..........https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYDIwOnXNc8

Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it would be like winning the lottery! They were right... we had 6 matching balls.

Ronnie Corbett jokes.... A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink. Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, 'And when was the last time you played around?' He looks at her in amazement and says: 'You're not telling me you've got a set of golf clubs in there?' A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston by-pass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals. We will be talking to an out of work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet. There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my right hand. For some time, my wife's had this ridiculous idea that I'm playing too much golf. Actually, it came to a head at about 11.30 last night. She suddenly shouted at me: "Golf, golf, golf. All you ever think about is bloody golf!". And I'll be honest, it frightened the life out of me. I mean, you don't expect to meet somebody on the 14th green at that time of night. This is a message for seven honeymoon couples in a hotel in Peebles: Breakfast was served three days ago. French wine growers fear that this year's vintage may be entirely spoiled due to the grape treaders' sit-in. West Mercia police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers, but the chief constable said they must wear their normal uniforms. It was revealed in a government survey published today that the prime minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy. We'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed a Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. After a series of crimes in the Glasgow area, Chief Inspector McTavish has announced that he is looking for a man with one eye. If he doesn't find him, he's going to use both eyes. We've just heard that in the English Channel, a ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying purple paint. It is believed that both crews have been marooned. A grandfather has gone missing after eating four cans of baked beans, two cauliflowers and a jar of gherkins. His family have made an emotional appeal for him not to come home for at least a fortnight.

Hmmmmm, I'd be looking at the air gap on both forks.....

Very sad.

Are the springs you put in to replace the old ones 'bigger' and therefore displacing more oil than the originals? Can you do a side by side check?