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An American photographer on vacation was inside a church in Oldham taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '£10,000 per call'. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Manchester... There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Oldham and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 he could talk to God. 'O.K., thank you,' said the American. He then travelled to Blackburn, Darwen, Burnley, Rochdale and Littleborough. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same '£10,000 per call' sign under it. The American, upon leaving Lancashire decided to travel to Yorkshire to see if Yorkshiremen had the same phone. He arrived in Todmorden, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '50 pence per call.' The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Father, I've travelled all over Lancashire and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to heaven, but in Lancashire the price was £10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?' The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in Yorkshire now, son. It's a local call.'

A woman who had been married 3 times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding. "Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and colour dress are you looking for?" The bride to be said: "A long frilly white dress with a veil." The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?" "Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel. My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again." "What about your third husband?" asked the fascinated sales clerk. "That one was a politician," said the woman. "Every night for four years, he sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."

Hahaha, my dad, and many others, bought them requiring a bit of building up. There was some tax loophole which made them cheaper when they arrived in 'kit form'.

I have a feeling that the Sun cycle brand ended up here in Worksop as part of the Carlton Cycles set up, which in turn was bought out by Raleigh in Nottingham. My old neighbour, long since departed, Eddie Haslehurst was the Carlton Cycles racing division frame man, I have never, ever seen brazing as good on anything. What a craftsman he was.

Looks very similar to my dad's ol' Tandon Kangaroo..... Nice to see the one on the left has proper forks..... can't beat a constant wheelbase.

http://cybermotorcycle.com/euro/brands/sun.htm

https://www.flickr.com/photos/boblovelockflickr/8186863472

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name? 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh? 3. Before Mt. Everestwas discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world? 4. How much dirt is there in a hole... that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? 5. What word in the English Language... is always spelled incorrectly? 6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible? 7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not? 8. What was the President’s Name...in 1975? 9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? 10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"? 11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field? Here are the Answers: (No peeking!) 1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name? Answer: Johnny, of course. 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh? Answer: Meat. 3. Before Mt. Everestwas discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world? Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You’re not very good at this are you?] 4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? Answer: There is no dirt in a hole. 5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly? Answer: Incorrectly 6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible? Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere. 7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not? Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures. 8. What was the President's Name in 1975? Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on ...] 9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now? Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first. 10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"? Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh] 11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field? Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one. IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD 1) You can't count your hair. 2) You can't wash your eyes with soap. 3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out. Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person. Ten (10) Things I know about you. 1) You are reading this. 2) You are human. 3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips. 4) You just attempted to do it. 6) You are laughing at yourself. 7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5. 8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5. 9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too. TO ALL MY INTELLIGENT FRIENDS Keep that brain working; try to figure this one out.... See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common? 1. Banana 2. Dresser 3. Grammar 4. Potato 5. Revive 6. Uneven 7. Assess Give it another try.... Look at each word carefully. You'll kick yourself when you discover the Answer. This is so easy... No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters.... Answer is below! Answer: In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

Air filter clean?

I'll stick them in my book, thanks.

I've used these before with excellent results, they did me some 1967 Suzuki twin leading shoe linings in race compound and it was about 35 quid, including postage. Auto & Industrial Friction Services, 01462 834778.

I use a Camelbak drinks dispenser, the type built in to a haversack. Drink, latex gloves, hand wipes, spare chain link et cetera all in one. Bit naughty of people are 'borrowing' your drink. As per others instructions, sabotage it..... maybe a bit of laxative...

Many years ago..... (1974) I was riding in a trial at Dronfield on the North Derbyshire/South Yorkshire border. A van rolled up bearing Yamaha signage and a Japanese chap pulled one of these toys out of the back. A crowd soon gathered to marvel at this small version of a real trials bike, they marvelled even more when the Yamaha employee took it to second place in the trial against the 'real' bikes. I have one in my collection, battered up ol' thing, but starts every time and runs lovely.

An Irish farmer named Paddy Callaway had a car accident involving a lorry. In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Callaway. 'Didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor? Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the...' 'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?' Paddy said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....' The solicitor interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.' By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy CALLAWAY'S answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'. Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?' 'Now what the Fook would you have said?

Today's riddle for seniors... Here is the situation: You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed On your right side is a sharp drop-off. On your left side is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo. What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation? Scroll down Get off the merry-go-round and go home, you silly old bugger!

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of Customers and said, "About two hours." The guy left. A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked again... The barber checked the shop and said "About three hours....." The guy left. A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long Before I can get a Haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a Half." The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back. A little while Later Bill returned to the shop. The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?" "Your House"

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do", the homeowner asks? "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the bleedin' dog!"

A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?" Beth replied, "Well Charles, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you on three occasions during these 30 years, but always for a good reason." Charles was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "Beth, I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?' " Beth said, "The very first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?" Charles recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?" Beth asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge." "I do recall that," says Chuck. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time." "All right," Beth said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your trials club, and you needed 43 more votes?"

Had a lad testing at the weekend, James Ford, quick lad in the Isle of Man, he's using one of my wife's Yamaha 600's in the Junior Superbike pre TT Classic race. He's had a couple of fourth places in the Island in the past.

Old quarry winding gear.....

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. "I had tolio as a child," he answered. "You mean polio?" she asked. "No, tolio . The disease only affected my toes." When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!" "As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained. "You mean measles?" she asked. "No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees." The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear. "Don't tell me," she said. "Let me guess... Smallcox

Two men are approaching each other on a pavement in America. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other hooks his thumb behind him and says, "Dog 5h1t, 20 feet back."

Just had some strobe lights fitted in the bedroom. Sex is the same, but the wife looks like she's moving now!

Paddy says to Mick, "I'm getting circumcised tomorrow." Mick says, "I had that done when I was a few days old." Paddy asks, "Does it Hurt?" Mick says, "Well I couldn't walk for 12 months.."

A lad goes to confession. " I have been with a loose woman." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, it is. "And, who was the woman you were with?" "Sure and I can't be tellin' you Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?" "I cannot say." "Was it Patricia Kelly?" "I cannot say." "Was it Liz Shannon?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Morgan?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Fiona McDonald, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad,Tommy Shaughnessy,and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church mass for three full months. Be off with you " now!" Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over to his seat and whispers "well... what'd you get?" "Three months vacation and five good leads."