gizza5

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator. ... Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you doing?' The daughter replied: 'mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.' The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.' A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip , placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked: 'What the f--- are you doing?' The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my son-in-law.'

Bare hands

Depends on the rider known guys that have ridden for years and not progressed from the beginners route, then there are others with natural ability reach Expert status within a short period? Then there is me rode at a fairly high level, now over 50, over weight and unfit so heading back to the lower classes

Could be this?

Sofa Surfing is what I do most evenings

Got the Army Championships this weekend which comprises of a trial on te Saturday and an Enduro on Sunday so thought I would mod the Mont? Ignore the colour scheme, just a spare mudguard so I can swap, after coughing at the price of the Montesa long ride seat this was the cheaper option? How much you are asking!

Probably been posted before, but made me larf! Wife comes storming into the kitchen and says to her husband, didn't you hear me falling down the chuffing stairs? Husband says ........Sorry I thought that was the start of Eastenders!

Similar to who has the better credentials Martin or Dougie? Dave has had a fantastic career in his own right, but I do feel in this case Dan's record is pretty impressive? On the Martin and Dougie thing if Martin says his career was better who's to argue, even Doug would agree

Biggest class of riders is the over 40's who for their own reasons want to ride the clubman class!

Pretty sure no one will be annoyed if you start a topic about congratulating Iwan, but seeing as you mentioned it here yes huge congrats to the lad

Huge congrats to Dan Thorpe I remember when there was a big thing about Dan winning his 100th National, think it took him a few more Nationals to cross that line and I am sure some Guru out there will inform us how many National wins he has now. Won his first BTC Expert Class a decade ago and still beating the youngsters to achieve it again this year so well done Dan I applaud you. Got to be good news for JS too as said in his report, losing Browny to injury and then the factory let's hope for a speedy recovery to both and roll on 2016. Dan is probably thinking .........Bring it on??

And that gents is what trials is about great post. By the way it's those flags that make you dab your way through each section, without those you ride a lot better?

Whatever the rules someone, someday will take their place sure as eggs are eggs?

As the title says surely there is only ''One'

Seems pleasant enough to me

First kick

And how I miss it, might ride Sunday at Shilton bet after a lap I wish I was somewhere else? Miss the Nationals and of course the SSDT...... My "Superior" (tongue in cheek) knowledge is based on purchasing my bike in 2006, 2 x SSDT, lots of Nationals until c2009, club trials, blasted my sorry overweight backside round the Army Championships which in reality is an Enduro on the very same bike which is stood in the garage as you have pointed out? Not been started never mind ridden since October, but I bet tomorrow I will go in the garage and no more than 3 prods it will spring to life and run like a sewing machine, I will look in the air filter just to warrant a bit of maintainence hell it won't need cleaning, and pop the rear guard on. Might Autosol the kick starter just so I can wash my hands when I go back inside, fill her up with 1.7 litres of the cheap unleaded fuel, hell that'll do the whole event plus 5 minutes practice before (anymore than 5 minutes after this lay off will be detrimental to my breathing?) and we are good to go? Not too bad for a 9 year old bike which I have spent very little on? You were a Mont rider once Andrew you know all the above rings true

Steve you have obviously never owned one? Here are a few facts no doubt moreNo carb to clean every week looked at EFI once looked fine so put it back? Engine runs the same every time you ride it no air screws or jets to faff with? Quality parts Honda engineering? Everything fits - your not ramming screwdrivers through holes to line it up for each bolt (you know you have been there) 2 stroke oil - so overrated? Cheapest bike I have ever owned in 40 years - yes expensive to buy but you wouldn't want to run a business selling Montesa spares?

No brainer Montesa 4RT I have often worried since 2007 how very little time I have spent in the garage?

The Golf Match Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says: How is the singing career going?" Stevie Wonder replies: "Not too bad! How's the golf?" Woods replies: "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right now." Stevie Wonder says: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right. Tiger Woods says: "You play golf?" Stevie Wonder says: "Oh, yes, I've been playing for years." And Woods says: "But, you're blind. How can you play golf if you're blind?" Wonder replies: "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice." "But, how do you putt?", asks Woods. "Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice." Woods asks: "What's your handicap?" Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer." Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie: "We've got to play a round sometime." Wonder replies: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole." Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, when would you like to play?" Stevie says, "Pick a night!

Mount Hairpin........my home town, but got sent to Coventry!

So many open forum topics already in progress wrapped up in a new one here? Gas Gas demise EFI over Carb TRS one Vertigo ......and a Search button

PLEASE BE VERY CAREFUL WITH YOUR WISHES!!!! 40 YEARS OF MARRIAGE...... A married couple in their early 60's was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet and romantic little restaurant. Suddenly a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband'. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me'. The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful and should remember fairies are FEMALE

There is your answer? Great to see the kids though and this is where we must encourage, but the reality is a lot different they disappear when they get older?