slapshot 3

Inevitable.....still funny but inevitable!!

has he ever been to Boston???

A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?' 'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.. The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.. ' 'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said. The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.' The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered. The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??' 'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated. The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?' 'I can't Pi$$ out of it,' he replied.

In some of the photos i've passed to Tommy the throng at Pipeline is incredible, in fact in one pic of Dave Thorpe you can barely see the section behind him as so many people surged in to see the top, that's how it used to be, P65 and the big trial. Same at Ben Nevis on the Saturday, used to get hundreds of folk standing ten deep craning to see the riders. Ban Big John.......

Initial post re - edited ..... likewise, can't wait, one copy to read and the other to go with my other sealed set of special motorcycling publications.....

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous programme." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine. ------------------------------------------------------ A nun who works for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up. The attendant regretfully told her that the only can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car two men walked by. One of them turned to the other and said: "Now that is what I call faith!" -------------------------------------------------------- An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,considering that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4.. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." ------------------------------------------------------ Little Johnny's at it again...... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!' Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Little Johnny asked, " Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? " Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the mailman wants to buy Mum ---------------------------------------------- An American is on holiday in Italy and has been constipated for a week, but when he arrives in Florence, the water is better and his condition goes away. "With Firenze like this," he said, "who needs enemas?" ------------------------------------------------------------- After a British Airways flight reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth, uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and ..... OH, Jesus Christ!'

A man was mowing his lawn when he accidently cut off the tail of his dog who had been hiding in the grass. Quick as he could he rushed the cat over to Tesco's Why Tesco's???????????? Tesco's is the largest Re-tailer in the UK ------------------------------------------------ One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems ok, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask. "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart." ------------------------------------------------- Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown." The little guy faints and falls to the floor.. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says: "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me? The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says: "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around." ---------------------------------- Little Melissa comes home from her primary school & tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. 'Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint, and we're Jewish,' she asks, 'will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine? Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says: 'No, I don't think God would get mad. Whom do you want to give a Valentine to?' 'Osama Bin Laden,' she says. 'Why Osama Bin Laden?' her father asks in shock. 'Well,' she says, 'I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them, and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.' Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found ride.. 'Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I have ever heard.' 'I know, ' Melissa says, 'and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the f*****'

.....a young Mr Colley...

Ben Nevis....what sodding year was it 90??

Tommi Ahvala...... what a rider!!

What book....... can't believe you saved that dab Ross!! Found some World Round stuff and six days stuff as well post some later

"Gentleman Jim" yeah we had one up here as well, Jim Cunningham a real gent

Contributed some stuff for a book recently and found a pile of boxes of slides. Never used slides much but I did come across a couple of one member of these forums...he'll probably kill me.......how long ago Ross????? bugger's probably still got that jacket

DELL....Specialist - Contradiction in terms

You'll get the route a couple of weeks before the trial, some unscrupulous individuals have been known to cheat in the past....

NO CHANCE......... any way, I prefer the Dead Parrot Sketch or Mr Creosote. SO HAM2....... You have failed to topple the MIGHT of Kenny!!

Space for that in the cave???.....

Lampkins........Stator, wiring loom, CDI unit, coil............. you could have blown the lot!

Nah tastless, no finish, doesn't mellow on the palate, no distinctiveness...... NOW Bunnahabain 25yo sherried style, with the soft, creamy complexity and gentle, sophisticated palate and mouthfeel that Bunnahabain lovers treasure. Gorgeous presentation as well. ....and if you have the cojones...... The X4. "The Usquebaugh-baul" - The Perilous Whisky. A traveller to the Hebrides in 1695 wrote one of the first ever whisky tasting notes. The whisky was "Four times distilled. And by this the natives is called Usquebaugh-baul; two spoonfulls of this last liquor is a sufficient dose; and if any man exceed this, it would presently stop his breath and endanger his life." SUBLIMINAL... I haven't dared open it's big brother yet, the X4+3......63.5% by volume!! James May used x4 to fuel a sports car.......

Brilliant ride by Dibs, did what he had to in the end but really well done.

Duplicate thread - topic closed

Topic moved from Sherco forum......

... this the late night's training for May mate??

Tis sorted yes, wonderful bloke who is chairman of our club and just happens to own a major engineering company got it done for me....he's a wonderful bloke..!! decent capscrews in the now, 12.9 grade Unbrako's with copperslip...no more silly mistakes

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/envi...icle7009081.ece ........ more anyone??