slapshot 3

Very Good Ross, and clean as well!!!!

Unfortunately due to work, I never made Hawkestone BUT in this case damn right I will, as will the memsahib (haven't told her yet mind!!) Leave is booked, not got the tickets yet but, that's not a big issue. What do we need to do?? 1. Organise Kerry-oot 2. Sort out Cactus Juice.... 3. Clean Camera and charge batteries 4. Remind woman to get some food, sort out tent and the rest of the camping gear, pack gear for the weekend, make sure she programmes her satnav...sorted!! Justin, Copey you know the dates boys.....

As discussed last night mate, I think we have to. How good a chance is this to miss on our home turf (so's to speak). Count us in mate I'll even find some way of concocting some of Copey's cactus juice!! Switch off them Chrimbo lights mate save the money and come and join us.

Forces plates on my old 3.0l V6 Alfa in Germany.... D 365 SDT wanna respace that?? still got the plate somewhere but the registration stayed with the forces folk

f(x)=sin(x) walks into a restaurant. The waiter says 'i'm sorry, you'll have to leave we don't do functions in here.' ------------------------------------------ A group of mathmatical symbols are in a bar chilling and generally being sociable. Sigma is on his own in a corner. Lambda asks delta, "why is sigma on his own in the corner?" "oh he can't integrate"

DONT YOU DARE EMAIL THAT PIC TO ANY OF MY EMAIL ADDYS OR MY LOT WILL HAVE ME DO THE SAME THING....... CAPICHE ......need that juice mix to get through chrimbo .......

Just as well you have the three magic letters helping you out......you'd be B*****ksed otherwise young Mr Milligan ..... she'd get you

I know but I knew you would bite.... Serious bit though Tim if people do stop asking why then we never advance, cunning bit of engineering geekery!!

NB: Vaguely religeous but unoffensive....unless you are a 7-foot tall grizzly bear!! An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful." ------------------------------------------------------- You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980's. Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster, extremely jealous, and in his twisted mind, loved Jodie Foster to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan. There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released as having been rehabilitated. Consequently, you may appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to the staff at the mental facility treating Hinckley reports to have intercepted: To: John Hinckley From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our fine country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a nonpartisan consensus of compassion and forgiveness throughout. The Reagan family and I want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We, above all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. We are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young man. Best wishes, Nancy Reagan & Family P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that...

Technologically it's a clever system and maybe my physics is off this morning but this just doesn't remove a braking imbalance but it also pushes the braking forces closer to the centre of the rotating mass which should also reduce instability. Why?? Why spend billions of

Maria just got married, and being a traditional Catholic Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was quite understandably nervous. However, her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. I cook pasta. You go upstairs and he'll take care of you." So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and said, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest!" "Don't worry, Maria," says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. I cook the pasta. You go upstairs. He'll take good care of you." So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Maria ran downstairs in panic to her mother, "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!" "Don't worry, Maria. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. I cook the pasta. You go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you." So, up our poor Maria went again. When she got up there, the patient groom Tony took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!" "Step aside," said the mother. "You stay here and stir the pasta. I'm going upstairs. This job is for Mama!" ------------------------------------------------------------ Retirement After working at the local jelly factory for the past 10 years, I have decided to leave. I was getting too set in my ways. I milked cows for forty years and all I got in retirement was a pat on the back! I used to work in a sewage farm. In the end I had to quit, as I was just going through the motions I used to be an artist, I could always draw a crowd. --------------------------------------------------------------- Billy was driving along the M2 when he got stuck in a traffic jam on the way to Belfast. Suddenly a man knocks on the window, Billy rolls down the window and asks

Make sure you PM Turbo with the number folks...

Git.......

Abso-bloody-lutey!!!!!

Didn't David Pye ride on a Fantic a year or so ago, can't remember.

There is this guy who really takes care of his body; he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. One morning, he looks into the mirror and admires his body. He notices that he is really sun tanned all over except one part and he decides to do something about it. He goes to the beach, completely undresses and buries himself in the sand except for the one part sticking out. Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says, "There really is no justice in this world." The other little old lady says, "What do you mean?" The first little old lady says, "Look at that." "When I was 10 years old, I was afraid of it." "When I was 20 years old, I was curious about it." "When I was 30 years old, I enjoyed it." "When I was 40 years old, I asked for it." "When I was 50 years old, I paid for it." "When I was 60 years old, I prayed for it." "When I was 70 years old, I forgot about it." "And now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild. ---------------------------------------------------- In surgery for a heart attack, a middle- aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside.

Virus Warning If you get an email titled "Nude photo of Cherie Blair," DO NOT open it.... It contains a nude photo of Cherie Blair. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Three men of the cloth, a priest, a minister and a rabbi, are discussing who could convert a new recruit. They decide to try out their skills in a forest. "Whoever converts a bear first, wins." They meet again, one week later. The priest says, "I found a bear, read the Catechism to him, sprinkled Holy Water, and two days later he took Communion." The minister says, "I found a bear, I read the Holy Scripture to him, we sang hymns, and the next day he was baptized and confirmed." They both see the rabbi, laying on a stretcher and covered in a body cast. "I suppose that I should not have started with the Barmitzvah ------------------------------------------------------------------------- A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up to apply for the position. One is a very fit, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her magnificent naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's jaw hits the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?" The tough old golfer replies, "Hey, no problem, just get the damn lion out of the way."

Renault has launched a new Clio its called the

Help please chaps El Sprogo wants a pair of boots for chrimbo but being female and a bit odd obviously wants "coloured and Alpinestars" ie White!! Trouble is she has wee feet so can anyone suggest where we might be able to get our hands on Alpinestars No-Stop boots size three/four. Been through every site I can find on the web, all the site sponsors and advertisers but strugglin a bit, any help would be much appreciated Cheers Donald PS If you're a dealer, don't post it here I'd have to delete the post, pm me.

You'll mean this one John????

Alpinestars and sealskins..... sorted!!

BLONDE JOKE Sally was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, had never seen Sally looking so sad. Liz said, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay, but you look so sad. Why?" Sally replied, "Because I just can't get a man." Liz said, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods." "Don't be so silly", Sally said, "I know that. I went in the woods because I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it." Liz said, "I don't understand what you're talking about." Sally replied, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage." "So, how's that going to help you get a man?" asked Liz. Sally said, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."

Why, do you have problems? I'm not the lightest of riders ( let's face it I'm a fat git) I have original Beta brackets on mine. put them back to shape the run some good heavy welds acrosst the bracket and gusset, should hold em steady. However I have seen some billet ones advertised, pricey mind but pretty.

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they