slapshot 3

He got into the Cricket Club first so only had to buy his own....I am reliably informed...I have my spies GET A GRIP ........ He offered to do the auction so he wouldn't have to buy a round.......

A few ...

Worryingly ..... that was the best offer Fuji had the whole weekend

No chance mate..... Bigfoot and me had to keep Fugly, Dangleebitz and Mrs Slapshot under control...brilliant night. I'll just add it in here....that has to be one of the best weekends I've spent around trials in over 40 years, it was absolutely superb. The trial was everything it's been cracked up to be the SSDT on steroids seemed to be the best description...the Hedonist I married dared to suggest that the Scottish should be run the same way .... she has been suitably chastised. Perce - amazing weekend mate can't wait to get back. I've already started persuading her to go next year as well If anyone else is thinking about it... GO ... not just to the trial but the auction and awards as well, it's well worth it

John should have dragged Doug and Fuji .... much better salesmen the he was. It's just as well the auction ended when it did, poor bugger would have been naked up there. Brilliant night hope Fuji comes back and brings a few of his WTC pals with him

Neil, Nice to meet you yesterday..I'll have a good look at the pics later Cheers Donald

....never heard of the dales ... they are just as big a pain in the butt in terms of accurate forecasts. Dishforth used to be murder We are heading down Friday, ditching the sprog, peace for a couple of days. Only sacrifice is shopping in Gateshead first....

You going across Gizza??

That almost sounds like a closet door opening....

Will Dougie stuff 'em? - Of course he will Will Fuji work out how fast is fast for a 5 hour trip? - If we see the headband and offering to the gods in the start field, it could be a fun day....BANZAI Will Grimbo get his crown back? - no Will it p*** down whilst we're marking out the Grouse Moor? - I'll let you know if you tell me when you are laying it out..... Saturday looks okay at the minute...... ...don't hold your breath though it'll change

Jeez kind of speechless at that, real sad news. Another good bike man gone, always had a good word to say.

You also get access to all the images and video from the World Rounds, SSDT and anywhere else drags himself offto each year. Go on Ross, If His Royal Stinginess can drag a tenner out of his pocket anyone can.. PS You on the first round next weekend John??

Can't be him, where's the contents of the batcave????

Nah....there are far better lubricant's out there....

Knew the title would get you wondering... VASELINE A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, 'I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?' She says, 'Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.' 'And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?' 'We use it for sex.' The researcher was a little taken back. 'Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?' We put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out.'

If it's similar to the Beta master cylinder (highly likely, they are all fairly similar) push the piston in and remove the circlip at the bottom. All the seals springs etc should come out as a stack, replace them in order, push the piston all the way back in, refit the circlip and that should do it. Only comment is that if you have even a tiny score on the barrel of the master cylinder you'll get very similar symptoms as you initially described the cylinder kit WILL NOT solve this problem, sometimes just as easy to change the cylinder

Which covers about 90% of us on here.....

Yup, came from a Yank Book......

These are from a book and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court stenographers who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS : July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. --------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Telepathy......

Nice one mate

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No." Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish?" Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No." Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?" Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian...and I think I love you..." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of live frogs. The sign says: 'SEX FROGS' Only $20 each! Comes with 'complete' instructions. The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!' As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions! The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified: 1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice perfume. 3. Slip into a very SEXY nightie. 4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do. She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions ... please call the pet store.' So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!' The man . . . looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says: NOW LISTEN TO ME FROG!! I'm only going to show you how to do this ONE ... MORE ... TIME!!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke. Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?" The other old lady said, "It's a condom." "A condom? Where do you get those?" The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?" The old lady thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel."

looks pretty amazing Mark

Pat's injured mate, have a look in the world Championship thread, more info in there

Yeah, why do you think there was that big problem with Northern Rock last year....Big John's subs were due again.....lloyds TSB/ HBOS...Global Financial Collapse...I'll leave you to make up your own minds....