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Festive Jokes


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The New Messiah has been born to Mary and Joseph and the star in the East has led the three wise men, Ishy, The Richmond Sheep Molester and The Geographically Challenged One to the stable to worship at the manger of the Messiah.

As they enter the stable The Geographically Challenged One stands on a rake which comes up and smacks him in the face,

"Jesus Christ" he exclaims.

"Thats a good un" shouts Joseph, "We were going to call him Andy." :chairfall:

Next....

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A Young man called Ron wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.

As they hadn't been seeing each other for very long, he decided after careful consideration, that a pair of gloves would strike the right note, not too romantic and not too personal.

He went with his girlfriends sister to Harrods and bought a dainty pair of white fur lined gloves, The sister bought a pair of Knickers for herself at the same time.

During the wrapping the shop assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Ron got the knickers.

Without checking Ron sealed the package and sent it to his new girlfriend with the following letter:-

Dear Sasha,

I chose these because i've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out inthe evenings. If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones which are

easier to remove,

These are a very delicate shade, but the lady i bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all, I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her.

She also said that the pair rubs her ring which helps keep it clean and shiny, In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time,

as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing,Just think how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.

I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my love

Ron.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing.

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  • 2 weeks later...
 

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