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Irish Joke


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And who said the Irish were daft?!

Old Sean lived alone in Northern Ireland. He wanted to spade his

potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Mick, who

used to help him, was in an English prison. The old man wrote a

letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Mick,

I am feeling a mite down because it looks like I won't be able to

plant me potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be

digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be

over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Dad,

For CHRIST'S SAKE, don't dig up the garden! That's where I buried all

them ****in' BODIES!

Love, Mick

At 4 A. M. the next morning, a dozen agents from Scotland Yard and

local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden down to

a depth of about six feet.

That evening, not finding any bodies, they apologized to the old man

and left. The next day the old man received another letter from his

son:

Dear Dad,

It's the best I could do under the circumstances. Go ahead and plant yer spuds now.

Love, Mick

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Gawd, talk about bad taste/timing..have you seen the news headlines for the past week?!

It's a joke. Sorry, but this reaction is typical of the PC world we live in nowadays. Heard it before, but still made me smile. Do we avoid anything that might possibly offend anybody anywhere in the world? If so I be as well shut this place and all the other sites I run or look after down as somebody, somewhere will find something offensive. I daresay my Dad's little steam engine restoration website I host will offend the tree-huggers as steam engines pump horrible things into the atmosphere. I might as well also shut down Dunfermline & District's website and Yeadon & Guiseley's as I host both and let's face it, in the eyes of some, Trials riders are motorbike animals tearing round the countryside ripping it to bits.

I say bollocks to political correctness.

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I say B*****ks to political correctness.

...and I'm afraid so do I.

I won't knowingly offend someone unless I know them well enough to get away with it but I'm not going to hide behind the false reality we seem to exist by these days. I'm fully aware of what's been going on in Margate and fully sympathise with the families but remember, we've been reading about that psychopath Tobin and his exploits in Scotland for the last few years, guess we're kind of hardened to him by now. I'm afraid if folks don't like it well you don't have to read it........guess you don't want the Rabbii joke then.

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The Rabbii Joke

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to

audit the books of a synagogue.

While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and

said: 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle

drippings?'

'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send

them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free

box of candles.'

'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his

unusual question had a practical answer.

But on he went, in his obnoxious way:

'What about all these biscuit purchases. What do you do with

the crumbs?'

'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was

trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and

send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a

free box of holy biscuits.'

'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could

fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the

leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'

'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we do

is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about

once a year they send us a complete dick '.

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It's a joke. Sorry, but this reaction is typical of the PC world we live in nowadays. Heard it before, but still made me smile. Do we avoid anything that might possibly offend anybody anywhere in the world? If so I be as well shut this place and all the other sites I run or look after down as somebody, somewhere will find something offensive. I daresay my Dad's little steam engine restoration website I host will offend the tree-huggers as steam engines pump horrible things into the atmosphere. I might as well also shut down Dunfermline & District's website and Yeadon & Guiseley's as I host both and let's face it, in the eyes of some, Trials riders are motorbike animals tearing round the countryside ripping it to bits.

I say B*****ks to political correctness.

Heh,Heh,Can't wait to tell my mates I've been labelled politically correct..me?

My other hobby is being an amateur immigration official.

Andy, I have heard a few Colin McRae jokes recently is it ok to post them?

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Andy, I have heard a few Colin McRae jokes recently is it ok to post them?

Ouch! Fair point but for the fact that two children also died in that accident! It's weird how jokes appear when folk like Pavarotti, the Pope and the Oz crocodile loony die but thankfully, I haven't heard any about the helicopter crash with McRae and crew...

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Andy, I have heard a few Colin McRae jokes recently is it ok to post them?

Colin was a great joker and it's only since his death that I've heard all sorts of stories about the things he got up to from various people involved in the Scottish motorsport scene. It's just a shame it took something so tragic to get folk to show the real side of him, but he was naturally shy outwith his inner circle. I've no objections as long as they don't involve the death of children. I do draw the line somewhere...

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There's a subtle difference anyway. And I won't get on my high horse about it, but I think it's worth mentioning:

A joke such as the Irish potato patch joke uses a subject which is in some way similar to the current news. Perhaps unfortunate, but no direct link.

The jokes about Colin McRae are directly about him and the accident. I received one by text. I cringed. I deleted it. I didn't respond. I forgot about it.

I've definitely got a squaddie sense of humour, and agree that political correctness has gone mad, but most people will recognise the difference and recognise where the line is. Sometimes the line is grey with a 'squaddie' sense of humour, but I reckon this is a black and white one.

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Colin was a great joker and it's only since his death that I've heard all sorts of stories about the things he got up to from various people involved in the Scottish motorsport scene. It's just a shame it took something so tragic to get folk to show the real side of him, but he was naturally shy outwith his inner circle. I've no objections as long as they don't involve the death of children. I do draw the line somewhere...

Truth be told I wasn't expecting this type of reply...more of a yellow card response!?

Wayne

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Somewhere on the eastern front:

A Tiger tank stalls just before the crest of a hill leading to a small town, tanks empty.

Along come three Jews. They have a quick discussion about the price that scrap metal can fetch and then start to push.

The tank moves a few yards and then one Jew collapses, clutching his chest.

There is a minor discussion about the improved fund distribution situation. Pushing recommences.

Another Jew collapses, knocks his head on a rock, and lies out cold, with the tank just a few yards from the crest of the hill, scrapyard in sight.

After a brief rest, the last Jew pust his shoulder to the tank and gives it everything he has. The tank reaches the top of the hill and rocks backwards and forwards a couple of times, before falling back and crushing the last Jew.

The hatch pops open and the commander looks around.

"Vot has happened mein Kapitan?"

"ach, vee haff run out af Joose"

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You see...some people think that kind of thing is funny but in my family we remember the war with great sadness.

Some times we can't bring ourselves to talk about Great Uncle Jacob who died so tragically at Auschwitz.......... he fell out of his machine-gun nest.

Edited by HAM2
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