ham2 Posted November 22, 2007 Report Share Posted November 22, 2007 Poor Grandma's crying over the death of her pet budgie, she wails at her son to ''Do something..anything''. Her dopey son rubs the dead bird but ..no reaction..so in desperation Dopey-boy crushes a Viagra tablet into it's beak thinking ''this might get the blood flowing''.... ...but it's a no go. While Grandma has a senior moment of dementia her son puts the budgie in the freezer ,planning to visit the taxidermist's later. Later arrives and the son opens the freezer door and is astonished to see the budgie alive and well,steaming with sweat. He says to the budgie ''How come you're sweating?'' The bird says ''I'd like to see you get the legs open on a frozen chicken?'' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jezza Posted November 22, 2007 Report Share Posted November 22, 2007 If it was her son, she'd have been his mother. What were you doing in our house anyway? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted November 23, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2007 If it was her son, she'd have been his mother.What were you doing in our house anyway? oops..maybe a very ,very inter-bred family you know like...(add any district you wish to insult) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john.b Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 (edited) A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, It's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot. Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... and then 2 days ... and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said... "OK, I give up. Where's the f#c**n' ship?" Edited December 21, 2007 by John.B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atomant Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, It's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot. Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... and then 2 days ... and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said... "OK, I give up. Where's the f#c**n' ship?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted December 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 22, 2007 (edited) A man goes to the doctors and is horrified to find out that the doc has prescribed him a course of daily suppositories. The doc asked the fella if he is familiar with the procedure,the patient replied''NO!...I just ..couldn't..'' The doctor calms the fella and kindly offers to 'place' the first suppository for him,which he does. Next day the patient is at home trying to summon up the courage to place his 2nd suppository when his wife interrupts and says ''come here and I'll do it for you''. She bends him over, puts one hand on her husbands shoulder and with the other she sends the medicine on it's way. Immediately the husband starts crying and groaning, to which the wife retorts ''don't be such a big baby,that only took a second !!'' The husband replied '' It's not that......yesterday...the doctor.....he had both hands on my shoulders !!!!!!!!!!!!!! '' Edited December 22, 2007 by HAM2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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