wetfeet Posted February 19, 2008 Report Share Posted February 19, 2008 i hope these don't offend anyone BLONDE LOGIC Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????' CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?' SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!' RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.' AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?' 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.' KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!' BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!' IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?' FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted February 19, 2008 Report Share Posted February 19, 2008 Two blondes walk into a bar...you'd think one of them would have noticed. -------------------------------- Tired of everyone thinking that blondes were stupid, and she didn't like all these jokes. To end the injustice, she decided to prove to the world that she was smart. In order to prove herself, she chose to memorize the capital of every American state. It wasn't an easy task, but she was determined and eventually managed to do it. A few days later she was in a bar, and heard a couple of men laughing at a blonde joke. This was the perfect opportunity to start righting all the wrongs that had been done to blondes in the past - she would set these men straight! Marching over at a rapid pace she announced, "It isn't true that all blondes are stupid, and I will prove it. Just ask me the capital of any American state, and I will tell you what it is." Although a little surprised, the men did challenge her and asked, "Ok, how about Arizona?" The Blonde, after pausing for a moments thought, proudly gave the answer, "A"! ----------------- Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first? Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions! ---------------- A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats". --------------- Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger. First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Second Blonde: Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down! --------------- A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump. Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." But the blonde insisted saying, "No. A bet's a bet." Then the redhead said "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied "Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!" -------------------------------- A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real colour of your hair, can I have my dog back?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveo Posted February 20, 2008 Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 A banker confused about maths, asks his blond secretary: "If I give you $3 million less 17%, how much would you take off?" She replies: "Everything sir.......panties , bra the whole lot!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted February 20, 2008 Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 A banker confused about maths, asks his blond secretary: "If I give you $3 million less 17%, how much would you take off?" She replies: "Everything sir.......panties , bra the whole lot!!!!!!!!!! Wot if I gave you $100 then? She replies: "Just the panties and bra !!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlestar Posted February 20, 2008 Report Share Posted February 20, 2008 Completely and morraly offended!!!!! But............ If there was a race between santa, a smart blonde and a brunette which would win? The brunette because the other two dont exist. If you put 10 blondes ear to ear what do youi get?? A wind tunnel. See we can dish it out as well as recieve it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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