Andy Posted April 8, 2008 Report Share Posted April 8, 2008 Dear Minister, I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through. How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date? How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government? How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time. Do you people do this by hand? You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election. Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die! I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap. Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process! Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off! I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor... who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN... Yours sincerely, An Irate British Citizen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nigel dabster Posted April 8, 2008 Report Share Posted April 8, 2008 sooner we get id cards the better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perce Posted April 8, 2008 Report Share Posted April 8, 2008 sooner we get id cards the better. What's it say on your passport for profession? Grumpy old ****? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zippy Posted April 8, 2008 Report Share Posted April 8, 2008 WOW totally amazing how close the British Government is with the US Government. Love the part (and so true) about mailing the form to my house and then asking for my address. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toothandnail Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 (edited) Here's one I recently experianced when I got my concealed carry permit After 8 hrs of classrom instruction ,50 rounds on shooting range ,10 rounds on target in under 1 minute ,passing a FBI background check ,showing birth certificate, being OK'ed by the local sherriff, finger printed to make sure I was who I said I was. I had to go to the DMV to get the conceal carry ID card, all the prevoius approval/paperwork wasn't enough they had to see an original/official copy of a birth certificate, of course that's the 1 thing I didn't bring along,and being it would take an hour to drive home to pick it up ,and that the DMV it only open from 9:17 to 10:48,(not really but seems that way)they said I could pick one up at the local Gov. office for $5.00. ,OK finally the Gov. is doing something right, So I walk in ,ask for a birth cert. "sure what name do you want"says the lady. No ID no ?? asked except what name do you want? I could have gotten anybody's all I had to do was give a name Edited April 9, 2008 by toothandnail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 It is obvious to me that this entire note was pilfered from someone else, some old gripy fart the age of Dabster! Born in the 50's, pack it in soon! The old prostate will go next you friggin antique! Surely not our spry Andy! Could'nt be a day over 40! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cota kid Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 That bloke out of the Day of the Jackall at Hartlepools Canoe man seem to get passports easy enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nigel dabster Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 Still drinking then! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 Surely not our spry Andy! Could'nt be a day over 40! Don't you believe that for a second..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 sooner we get id cards the better. You think so....no chance. Few nights ago I got a text while out to dinner (her ladyship's birthday) saying that a number of files had been found at the back of the ice rink, while the local council decommission it. The details inside included my daughters Name, address, dob, phone numbers, our mobile numbers, e mail addy, and Becky's illnesses and approximately 1000 other kids and adults details as well. A few months back my son got a letter from the MOD saying that his/ours and all his grandparents details were on the laptop the MOD managed to lose, before that it was the DSS and the Child Benefit details......do you want me to go on ID cards - no chance the only thing you can trust these *******s to do properly is lose your details never mind hang on to them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andy.t Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 Andy,from one Andy to another,that sounds familiar,if you you have a problem with the system then do something about it,dont just talk about it,start a revolution,I will join. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
perce Posted April 9, 2008 Report Share Posted April 9, 2008 Some folk do take life too seriously, Andy has posted a 'funny' letter that's been doing the rounds (like most other stuff posted here) for ages, I've seen it posted from a UK, USA & Canadian perspective. It's called HUMOUR. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted April 11, 2008 Report Share Posted April 11, 2008 Don't you believe that for a second..... Slapshot, I will do my best if possible to get him drunk enough in TN so he reveals his wallet! I realize it is seldom seen! But untill both you can approach Dabster, you must still address us as Sr. Ha! Where is big John? Born in the 50's? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigfoot Posted April 14, 2008 Report Share Posted April 14, 2008 Slapshot, I will do my best if possible to get him drunk enough in TN so he reveals his wallet! I realize it is seldom seen!But untill both you can approach Dabster, you must still address us as Sr. Ha! Where is big John? Born in the 50's? Yes, 1856 I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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