Kenny The Rooster - Contains Adult Humour

[zippy]

B40RT Posted Oct 30 2009, 02:54 PM

For truck lovers !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZseq73bXQ8&NR=1

Truck? what truck I did not see any trucks, but thought the vid was quite NICE!!

[slapshot 3]

A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned

St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry, 'St Peter said; 'But

Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been

forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of

Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam

consist of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start

with the letter 'T' '? The second is 'How many seconds are there in a

year?' The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing

Matilda?'

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and

when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some

considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked

if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with

the letter T?'

The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that

indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three

questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'

'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that

figure?'

'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the

second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a

total of twelve seconds.'

St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to

consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked

away shaking his head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow

the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question

absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the

answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

The blonde replied; 'Of the three questions, I found this the

easiest to answer.'

'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'

'It's Andy.'

'Andy??'

'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde.

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that,

deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any

longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you

arrive at THAT answer?'

'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till

his billy boiled.'

[slapshot 3]

A German guy approaches a lady of the night.

'I vish to buy sex viz you.'

'OK,' says the girl, 'I'll charge

[slapshot 3]

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.

'I would like it infrequently' she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?'

[the addict]

Kenny the rooster just gets better, thanks lads

[zippy]

Never knew ol' Kenny was ill????

It's good to hear he is feeling better.

[gizza5]

One rainy spring night in Belfast , a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley.

Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

'"Where to?" he stammered.

" Vale Road ," answered the woman.

"OK," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at?'"

"Well lady, replied the driver, I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare."

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does THIS answer your question?"

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?"

[slapshot 3]

Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just small donation of

[b40rt]

Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just small donation of

[slapshot 3]

Specially for Andy.....

Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake.

By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down.

This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit."

Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

I've been blind since birth, so I can't see where I'm going.

In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite OK," replied the snake.

"Actually, my story is much the same as yours.

I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother.

Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and find out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches, and you have a soft cottony tail.

I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you"

Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.

The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone, and no balls.

I'd say you must be French".

[the addict]

He'll appreciate that one mate keep um coming lads, that Ossa thread is hot on our heels

[the addict]

After 40 years as a gynaecologist, John decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love, auto mechanics. He left his practice, enrolled in auto mechanics school, and studied hard. The day of the final exam came and John worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. Most of the students completed their exam in two hours. John, on the other hand, took the entire four hours allotted. The following day, John was delighted and surprised to see a score of 150% for his exam. John spoke to his professor after class. "I never dreamed I could do this well on the exam. How did I earn a score of 150%?" The professor replied, "I gave you 50% for perfectly disassembling the car engine. I awarded another 50% for perfectly reassembling the engine. I gave you an additional 50% for having done all of it through the exhaust pipe."

[the addict]

A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn�t in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she asks. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes, I do," she replies. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?�" "I remember that, too," she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today."

[the addict]

A koala walks into a bar one night, slams his paw down on the table, and orders a drink. When he's done, slam goes his paw again for more. This goes on for about half an hour, and just when he was going to do it again, the barkeep told him if he was looking for a good time, there was some one in the back room who could help him, the koala decides why not and goes into the back room. There he meets a prostitute who is waiting for him. That night he has the best sex he has ever had. After the prostitute turns to the koala and says, "How about my money," the koala looked confused and the prostitute brings out a dictionary and it said...

PROSTITUTE:

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.Has sex for money.

So in response the koala turns to the definition for the koala and it says. KOALA:

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.Eats bush and leaves.

Edited November 10, 2009 by The Addict

[the addict]

The local pub was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing