Kenny The Rooster - Contains Adult Humour

[slapshot 3]

Farmer Brown and his wife were working in the field one day about dusk. As they were heading back to the house they saw a bunch of strange lights way out in the field. Upon ariving Farmer Brown and his wife saw a spaceship landing.

They were approached by two aliens. The aliens said they were researching human sex life and wanted to know if they could partner switch. After talking it over Farmer Brown and his wife agreed. The next morning the aliens left.

Farmer Brown was dying to ask his wife what happened. Finally he couldn't stand it anymore and broke down and asked her. Well what happened? She replied, It was the best sex I ever had! Why? asked Farmer Brown.

Well when he took off his pants it was only an inch long and as big around as my little finger, but then he reached up and turned his left ear and it grew to 16 inches, then he turned his right ear and it got as big around as a sausage.

Farmer Brown said, Well sh$t, no wonder that *** was trying to rip my ears off.

[the addict]

Donald 5.40am? you need a p*** an all

[slapshot 3]

Donald 5.40am? you need a p*** an all

My bladder's in perfect nick mate, it's called night shift!!! finish in an hour

[copemech]

6:10 am

[slapshot 3]

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they

Edited November 14, 2009 by Slapshot 3

[the addict]

good uns there Donald, keep them coming, Ossa is catching

[the addict]

After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her." Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a 'kiss?'" So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush.

A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable."

And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve."

And Adam said, "What is a 'caress?'"

So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.

Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "You've done well Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve."

And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?'"

So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.

And Adam said, "Lord, what is a 'headache?'"

[the addict]

A doctor starts having an affair with a much younger woman. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do--they won't consider abortion and don't want to put the baby up for adoption. But the doctor's not going to leave his wife, and the young woman can't stand the thought of taking care of the child alone. Several months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to his mistress, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor. "It's worth a try," he says. So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this." "What?" says the priest. "What happened? " "You gave birth to a child." "But that's impossible!" "I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby." About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises that he must tell his son the truth. One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father."

[ham2]

16:56 and those two jokes are still on the site...not bag going..

[pa.]

* There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Jack Bauer's right hand and Jack Bauer's left hand.

* The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

* Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

* Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.

* On Jack Bauer's Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents.

* When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.

* Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.

* When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it

[copemech]

You don't know Jack, do ya?

Edited November 15, 2009 by copemech

[the addict]

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll **** on it's head."

[the addict]

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

[copemech]

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

[tony27]

Think somebody got their just desserts