pa. Posted November 20, 2009 Report Share Posted November 20, 2009 Yeah, lets have a good saffie/kiwi/aussie joke again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted November 20, 2009 Report Share Posted November 20, 2009 Yeah yeah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Now THATS funny! I don't care where you're from! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Here is a nice saffie joke for Tim! This novel marks the stuning American debut of an internationally acclaimed writer. Combining the narrative drive of Birdsong with the emotional resonance of The Reader, The Mark of the Angel is a haunting and unforgettable tale of three lives woven together by longing, fate, and the weight of history. The year is 1957, and the place is Paris, where the psychic wounds of World War II have barely begun to heal and the Algerian war is about to escalate. Saffie, an emotionally damaged young German woman, arrives on the doorstep of Raphael, a privileged musician who finds her reserve irresistible. He hires her, and over the next few days seduces her and convinces her to marry him. But when Raphael sends Saffie on an errand to the Jewish ghetto, where she meets Andr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Nobody called Bruce? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gizza5 Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Just thought I would add a post to keep Justin happy .............as the ''OSSA'' topic is catching ''KENNY THE ROOSTER'' fast Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted November 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted November 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 (edited) Maths Test Very clever test this This maths test can predict your all time most watched film, mine was star wars try it without looking at the answers it works scroll down pick a number between 1and9 mutyply by 3 add 3 then multyply by 3 again you will get your answer by adding the two digits together to find your all time favorite movie good luck Scroll down for answers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . if it is 1 gone with the wind 2. Aliens 3. Oliver 4. Star wars 5. saving private ryan 6. Forrest Gump 7. Jaws 8.Grease 9. The joy of sex with male goats & leather clad gay boys 10. Mary Poppins Edited November 21, 2009 by The Addict Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redneck Posted November 24, 2009 Report Share Posted November 24, 2009 apparently it failed. ive seen mary poppins only a few times but i rewound the singing and dancing penguins part hundreds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b40rt Posted November 24, 2009 Report Share Posted November 24, 2009 apparently it failed. ive seen mary poppins only a few times but i rewound the singing and dancing penguins part hundreds. That bit when he pulls his trousers down is just weird ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted November 24, 2009 Report Share Posted November 24, 2009 Renault has launched a new Clio its called the Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted November 24, 2009 Report Share Posted November 24, 2009 (edited) Virus Warning If you get an email titled "Nude photo of Cherie Blair," DO NOT open it.... It contains a nude photo of Cherie Blair. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Three men of the cloth, a priest, a minister and a rabbi, are discussing who could convert a new recruit. They decide to try out their skills in a forest. "Whoever converts a bear first, wins." They meet again, one week later. The priest says, "I found a bear, read the Catechism to him, sprinkled Holy Water, and two days later he took Communion." The minister says, "I found a bear, I read the Holy Scripture to him, we sang hymns, and the next day he was baptized and confirmed." They both see the rabbi, laying on a stretcher and covered in a body cast. "I suppose that I should not have started with the Barmitzvah ------------------------------------------------------------------------- A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up to apply for the position. One is a very fit, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her magnificent naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's jaw hits the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?" The tough old golfer replies, "Hey, no problem, just get the damn lion out of the way." Edited November 24, 2009 by Slapshot 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted November 24, 2009 Report Share Posted November 24, 2009 There is this guy who really takes care of his body; he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. One morning, he looks into the mirror and admires his body. He notices that he is really sun tanned all over except one part and he decides to do something about it. He goes to the beach, completely undresses and buries himself in the sand except for the one part sticking out. Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says, "There really is no justice in this world." The other little old lady says, "What do you mean?" The first little old lady says, "Look at that." "When I was 10 years old, I was afraid of it." "When I was 20 years old, I was curious about it." "When I was 30 years old, I enjoyed it." "When I was 40 years old, I asked for it." "When I was 50 years old, I paid for it." "When I was 60 years old, I prayed for it." "When I was 70 years old, I forgot about it." "And now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild. ---------------------------------------------------- In surgery for a heart attack, a middle- aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted November 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2009 (edited) Nice one Donald, and all clean mate well done, you've got Kenny to 10 hey hey, will post some later. Will defo keep an eye out for the Cherie Blair email ta Edited November 24, 2009 by The Addict Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gizza5 Posted November 24, 2009 Report Share Posted November 24, 2009 (edited) Two friends (Donald and Justin) are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two friends start to speculate about the occupation of the suit Donald: - I reckon he's an accountant. Justin: - No way - he's a stockbroker. Donald: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here! The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Donald and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him. Donald: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living? Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession Donald: - Oh? What's that then? Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home? Donald: - Er ..... mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens! Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it? Donald: - It's in a pond! Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then? Donald: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden. Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house? Donald: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house .... built it myself! Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married? And with a family? Donald: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children. Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis? Donald: - Yep! Five times a week! (Donald you wish ?????) Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often? Donald: - Do what? Not me, mate! Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work! Donald: - How's that then? Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life! Donald: - I see! That's pretty impressive. Thanks mate! Both leave the toilet and Donald returns to his mate Justin. Justin: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does? Donald: - Yep! He's a logical scientist! Justin: - What's that then? Donald: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish? Justin: - Nope Donald: - Well then, you're a W****r Edited November 24, 2009 by GIZZA5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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