Kenny The Rooster - Contains Adult Humour

[shercoman2k8]

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus.

"He can play any musical instrument in the world." Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

A customer walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing Better than Jimi Hendrix.

The guitar owner pays up the $50.

Another customer walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus Plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis.

The trumpet-owner coughs up the $50.

Then Jim, a Scotsman plonks some bagpipes on the table. The octopus fumbles with the bagpipes for a minute and then backs off with a confused look.

Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye nae plae it?"

The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to f*ck it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off."

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Copey and Gizza were walking across campus when Gizza said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

Copey replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

Gizza nodded approvingly.

"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way Windows has enhanced our lives, read on. At this year's computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive-but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Edited January 31, 2010 by shercoman2k8

[b40rt]

Introducing Fail Blog

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4WKvY5NRX0...feature=related

[andy m]

Wayne Bridge gave his Mrs a replica of his c***k made out of Cadburys chocolate. But she told him she preferred Terrys.

[rezurect]

walking down the street the other day and bumped into my mate outside the doctors looking forlorne.......

' Alright Dave ' says I

' Not bad ' says he 'Just had a bit of bad news from the doctor'

' What was that then ' says I......

' Doc says i've got the big C' says he.....

' What cancer? '

' No..... Dyslexia! '

Iain

[the addict]

Edited February 1, 2010 by The Addict

[ham2]

:rolleyes: like it

[ham2]

My previous girlfriend was a bit cross-eyed ....I had to finish with her........apparently she was seeing someone else!

[atomant]

what does DNA stand for? .....

National Dyslexic Asccociation

[the addict]

what does DNA stand for? .....

National Dyslexic Asccociation

Mate of mine who's Dyslexic went to toga party dressed as a goat

Edited February 1, 2010 by The Addict

[ham2]

I've been thinking of ways to kill kenny (off)..so let's end on the ultimate funny joke-------

.....

That's it ,finished..all over...move along now...scram, vamoose....nothing to see here...haven't you lot got homes to go to?

[slapshot 3]

I've been thinking of ways to kill kenny (off)..so let's end on the ultimate funny joke-------

.....

That's it ,finished..all over...move along now...scram, vamoose....nothing to see here...haven't you lot got homes to go to?

NO CHANCE.........

any way, I prefer the Dead Parrot Sketch or Mr Creosote.

SO HAM2....... You have failed to topple the MIGHT of Kenny!!

[ham2]

If you can't beat 'em......

Capello rings up Wayne Bridge and says:

''Wassamada you?......Eet as append, John Terry haz lost zee England Capeetains arma-banda...........

.....do me a favohr Wayne? look-ah-to-see if eet is under your bed.''

Edited February 3, 2010 by HAM2

[atomant]

If you can't beat 'em......

Capello rings up Wayne Bridge and says:

''Wassamada you?......Eet as append, John Terry haz lost zee England Capeetains arma-banda...........

.....do me a favohr Wayne? look-ah-to-see if eet is under your bed.''

The England team have all voted for John Terry to keep his place in the team and join them in South Africa. With a ban on wives and girlfriends traveling to the 2010 final, no-one wants that ****er left behind.

[the addict]

2 Muslim mums are looking at photo albums. "Thats Mohammed, he would be 24. Thats Kalid, he would be 20. My baby Ahmed he would be 18 now" she says wiping away tears. Her friend looks wistfully and says ....

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" they blow up so fast these days dont they"

John Terry has denied media claims he slept with his former team mates mom as well as his girlfriend.

"I admit to f***in his missus" said Terry "but as for his mom, thats a Bridge too far!"

Edited February 3, 2010 by bigfoot

[the addict]

Earlier reports that Gary Glitter has been seen with an 85 five year old woman have been found out to be false

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.It was a Haiti 5 year old