Kenny The Rooster - Contains Adult Humour

[ham2]

well i suppose it means you don't pi$$ off either cat lovers or dog lovers......

Was it not one of those very rare Manx dogs?

[slapshot 3]

Was it not one of those very rare Manx dogs?

You never know.....

[the addict]

What do you call a Muslim female stripper???

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.......Yaseen Maimuff

Edited February 9, 2010 by The Addict

[ham2]

.....or the Taliban police informer.......

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;.......Wasim...

[zippy]

[slapshot 3]

Histories best uses of the F word... part 2

Windy?? tonight? Don't be so f**king stupid.

Edited February 10, 2010 by Slapshot 3

[bigfoot]

Falklands veteran Simon Weston won a million on the pools last week.

Unfortunately he

[ham2]

The annual amateur race meeting descends into a slanging match.

Team 'Tortoise' and Team 'Hare' are about to start when team 'Hare' suggest team 'Tortoise' are fielding a ringer so they lodge an official complaint with the Clerk of the Course :-

Team Hare : ''But look at him, he's got no eyebrows''.

CoC: ''That's not a valid complaint''.

Team Hare: ''But he's got no lips, just a slit for a mouth''.

CoC: ''That's not a valid complaint''.

Team Hare: ''But his skin's all scaly and dried out , reptile style''.

CoC: ''That's not a valid complaint''.

Team Hare; ''But he's got no ears ,just holes that are flush with his skull''.

CoC: ''That's not a valid complaint and I'm tired of all this, give me one good reason why you keep contesting Team Tortoises amateur status?''

Team Hare; ''I'm telling you..................................................

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.........................................................that's f***ing Nikki Lauda !

Edited February 10, 2010 by HAM2

[the addict]

A Somalian arrives in London as a new immigrant to the UK.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says........

'Thank you Mr. British for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money for food, free medical care, free education and no taxes!'

The passer by says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican!'

The man goes on and encounters another passer by. 'Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in the UK!'

The person says, 'I not British, I Polish!'

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful Britain!'

That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Russia , I am not from Britain!'

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you a British?'

She says, 'No, I am from Africa!'

Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the British?'

The African lady checks her watch and says ...

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.'Probably at work'

[houseape1000]

A Somalian arrives in London as a new immigrant to the UK.

.'Probably at work'

[big mark]

The doctor said, 'Ricky, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.' Ricky was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need . . . a new suit.' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.' The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see . . . size 44 long.' Ricky laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit; it fit perfectly.

As Ricky admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?' Ricky thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.' The salesman eyed Ricky and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.' Ricky was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years.' Ricky tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.

Ricky walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?' Ricky thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.' The salesman said, 'Let's see . . . size 36.' Ricky laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one heck of a headache.'

New suit -

[the addict]

The doctor said, 'Ricky, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.' Ricky was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need . . . a new suit.' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.' The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see . . . size 44 long.' Ricky laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit; it fit perfectly.

As Ricky admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?' Ricky thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.' The salesman eyed Ricky and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.' Ricky was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years.' Ricky tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.

Ricky walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?' Ricky thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.' The salesman said, 'Let's see . . . size 36.' Ricky laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one heck of a headache.'

New suit -

Edited February 11, 2010 by The Addict

[slapshot 3]

A man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead"

The operator says 'how do you know?

He says "the sex is the same but the ironing is building up !!"

[big mark]

Whats the difference between french men and toast ?

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You can make soldiers out of toast !

[the addict]

Whats the difference between french men and toast ?

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You can make soldiers out of toast !

A French and American general were surveying a battlefield. A bullet strikes the American general, grazing his arm. He shouts "Aide! Bring me my red jacket!"

The French general asks "Why did you do that?"

The American general responds "So my men don't see that I'm bleeding, and lose hope."

A second bullet narrowly misses the French general's ear, and he shouts: "Aide! Bring me my brown trousers!"

The French battle flag - three white fleur-de-lies on a white background.

You are the President of the United States. Astronomers have spotted a meteor headed towards the earth. They have calculated that it will strike France in three days, at approximately 3:30 am EST. The meteor is large enough to wipe France from the face of the earth.

France and the UN have requested that the US immediately send all available ships and aircraft to evacuate the French population. Hundreds of thousands of French people are gathered on Omaha Beach at Normandy hoping for US ships to appear on the horizon.

The ships and planes you could send are being used to fight the war on terror overseas. As President, you must decide: (1) Do you stay up that night to watch live coverage of the impact, or (2) Do you tape it and watch it the next day?

Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Frenchman is there?

A: He's the one with a duck.

Q: How do you know if an Italian is there?

A: He bet on the duck.

Q: How do you know if the Mafia is there?

A: The duck wins.

The Eskimo language has 26 words for "snow". The French language has 26 words for "retreat".

FOR SALE: French rifles . . .never fired, only dropped once.

The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very cranky and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Pierre, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Pierre, it was rumored, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.

Pierre was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for five hundred Francs? Pierre showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Pierre announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."

The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what about the third condition. "Well," said Pierre, "you've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs."

Edited February 11, 2010 by The Addict