steveo Posted July 21, 2010 Report Share Posted July 21, 2010 What about Sorrel & Artichokes ? sorrel is a herb....I new that Artichoke is a thistle...I had to look that one up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted July 22, 2010 Report Share Posted July 22, 2010 This is a quiz for people who know everything! 1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. Boxing Hmm, boxing?..I've seen plenty boxing mis-matches where the spectators and participants all know who's going to win before the final bell I'm just being picky 'cos I thought I knew it all when I didn't....good quiz,like it Ta ! Wayne 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joekarter Posted July 23, 2010 Report Share Posted July 23, 2010 Two hunters from Arizona, Leroy and Earl, hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged four. As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only two moose. The two objected strongly, stating, "Last year we shot four moose, and the pilot let us put them all on board, and he had the same plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all four were loaded.. Unfortunately, even at full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and crashed a few minutes after takeoff. Climbing out of the wreck, Leroy asked Earl, "Any idea where we are?" Earl replied, "It looks pretty close to where we crashed last year." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joekarter Posted July 23, 2010 Report Share Posted July 23, 2010 Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No... Salty." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b40rt Posted July 25, 2010 Report Share Posted July 25, 2010 This is such a beautiful story of a bagpiper who was late for a funeral. As a bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the remote countryside and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there. As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost and being a typical man, did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew who were eating lunch but the hearse was nowhere in sight. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness and stepped to the side of the open grave where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I played out my heart and soul. As I played the workers began to weep. I played and I played like I'd never played before, from Going Home and The Lord is My Shepherd to Flowers of the Forest . I closed the lengthy session with Amazing Grace and walked to my car. As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, Sweet Jeezuz, Mary 'n Joseph, I have never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveo Posted July 25, 2010 Report Share Posted July 25, 2010 A guy walks into his doctor's office and says, "Ddddoc, I've bbbeen sssttttuttering ffor yyears and III'm tired of it. Ccccan yyyou hehehelp mmme???" The doc says, "Well, I'll have to examine you first before I can answer you." The doc examines him and says, "Well, I'm pretty sure that I know what the problem is." The guy asks, "wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc?" The doc says,"It's your penis. It's about about 18 inches long and all of the down pressure is putting a strain on your vocal chords." The guy asks, "Wwwhat ccan wwe ddo about it?" The doc replies, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one. I can guarantee that the operation will cure your stuttering." The guy says, "Dddo it!" The guy has the operation and about four weeks later he comes back to the doctor's office and says, "Thanks Doc. You've solved my problem and I don't stutter any more but I've only had sex once in the past month. My wife doesn't enjoy it any more. I cannot satisfy her. She liked my long penis. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back one!" The doc replies, "Nnnnope. A ddddeal's a ddddeal!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted July 26, 2010 Report Share Posted July 26, 2010 ....And on that subject: 2 school-kids on a bus are sniggering away when the stuttering ticket inspector gets on board: ''T-t-t-ickets pl-ea-se'' stammers the inspector when he gets up to the lads. ''H-h-h-here y-y--ou are'' said the first school boy,holding out his ticket. ''Are y-y-you t-t-taking th--th-the p-p-p-155?'' says the inspector and promptly smashes the kid from one end of the bus to the other. The first kid crawls back to his mate and says; ''Wh-wh-why didn'ttt youh-help me anddd t-t-tell himmm thaaa-t I had a r-r-real st-st-stutter?'' The second kid says; ''I ddd-didn't w-w-wanna get ch-chinned either!'' 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted August 1, 2010 Report Share Posted August 1, 2010 (edited) My mate rang in to a local radio phone-in question, to which he replied; ''The Koreans ,they're so dangerous now they've got atomic weapons''. The question posed to the listeners was; ''If you could eliminate just one race, from the Olympics, what would that be? '' Edited August 1, 2010 by HAM2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted August 4, 2010 Report Share Posted August 4, 2010 Chelsea Leaving the nest. With Chelsea's wedding this past week-end Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom She asked Chelsea... "have you had sex with Marc?" Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted August 5, 2010 Report Share Posted August 5, 2010 Chelsea Leaving the nest.With Chelsea's wedding this past week-end Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom She asked Chelsea... "have you had sex with Marc?" Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad" That's our Bill! Damn work it would be mustering wood for either of them ! Poor guy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted August 10, 2010 Report Share Posted August 10, 2010 Kiwi baiting: HOW TO SPEAK NEW ZEALANDER, FOR BIST EFICT, RID THESE OUT ALOUD! Milburn - capital of Victoria Peck - to fill a suitcase p****d aside - chemical which kills insects Pigs - for hanging out washing with Pump - to act as agent for prostitute Pug - large animal with a curly tail Nin tin dough - computer game Munner stroney - soup Min - male of the species Mess Kara - eye makeup McKennock - person who fixes cars Mere - Mayor Leather - foam produced from soap Lift - departed Kiri Pecker - famous Australian businessman Little crusps - potato chips Ken's - Cairns Jumbo - pet name for someone called Jim Jungle Bills - Christmas carol Inner me - enemy Guess - vapour Fush - marine creatures Fitter cheney - type of pasta Ever cardeau - avocado Fear hear - blonde Ear - mix of nitrogen and oxygen Ear roebucks - exercise at the gym Duffy cult - not easy Amejen - visualise Day old chuck - very young poultry Bug hut - popular recording Bun button - been bitten by insect Beard - a place to sleep Chully Bun - Esky Sucks Peck - Half a dozen beers Ear New Zulland - an extinct airline Beers - large savage animals found in U.S. forests Veerjun - mythical New Zealand maiden One Doze - well known computer program Brudge - structure spanning a stream Sex - one less than sivven Tin - one more than nine Iggs Ecktly - Precisely Earplane - large flying machine Beggage Chucken - place to leave your suitcase at the earport Sivven Sucks Sivven - large Boeing aircraft Sivven Four Sivven - larger Boeing aircraft Cuds - children Pits - domestic animals Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted August 10, 2010 Report Share Posted August 10, 2010 More Kiwi baiting: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted August 10, 2010 Report Share Posted August 10, 2010 Hey Copey,watch out,we've appointed a new Ambassador to the United States.......CLICKITY HERE 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted August 11, 2010 Report Share Posted August 11, 2010 Hey Copey,watch out,we've appointed a new Ambassador to the United States.......CLICKITY HERE I think he is from the North, although not Scottish, cause I can understand him in two takes! He rather resembles me in the shed at night! I am a mechanic! I have no sense! But there is one question that I have always pondered. If a Nations wealth is built upon it's natural resources and the productivity of the people, just how do folk on an island survive in a world economy? I find the old style Triumph's rather keen, yet I would not want one myself! Finding little need for Sheep products, I find the Israilies may indeed produce better firearms! Not that You can have one, you poor Feck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted August 11, 2010 Report Share Posted August 11, 2010 (edited) Naah, ees a cockney geezer Al Murray. He acts the bigot but he knows his stuff,he studied history at Cambridge...here's his other persona------CLICK As for Triumphs I've been looking into a Mk1 Miata (as you would call them) and I can see where the British sports car industry went wrong. Back on topic:- Latest news today,: American scientists have finally developed a car that runs on water! Sadly, so far it only works with the water from the Gulf of Mexico. This joke was sponsored by BP. Edited August 11, 2010 by HAM2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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