Kenny The Rooster - Contains Adult Humour

[gjbiker]

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was shagging his wife.

GJ

[slapshot 3]

George Michael has been forced to give hand jobs to his fellow in-mates before having to make hot chocolate for them.

He is currently working on a new single about his time inside called 'W**k me off before your cocoa'

[houseape1000]

I just don't understand it...sending George Michael to prison, seems a bit like sending a fat kid to the sweet factory for being naughty !

George must pinch himself when he wakes up, it's like an all day all you can eat buffet......for free !

[toofasttim]

Three Australians and three Maori's are travelling by train to a

Rugby match at the World Cup in England. At the station, the three

Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three Maori's buy just one

ticket between them.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks

one of the Aussies. "Watch and learn bro," answers one of the Maori's

They all board the train. The Aussies take their respective seats

but all three Maori's cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around

collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket

please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket

in hand. The conductor takes the ticket and moves on.

The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after

the game, they decide to go one better on the return trip and save

some money (being clever with money, and all that).

When they get to the station for the return trip, the Maoris buy a single

ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Aussies don't buy

a ticket at all!!

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed

Maori.

"Watch and learn bro ," answers a Aussie .

When they board the train the three Aussies cram into a toilet and

soon after the three Maori's cram into another nearby. The train

departs.

Shortly afterwards, one of the Aussies leaves the toilet and walks

over to the toilet where the Maoris are hiding. He knocks on the door

and says, "Ticket please."

[tony27]

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or

walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years

and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a

twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time

to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under

the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this,

I will give you a life span of sixty years..'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty

years... How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty

years.'

But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my

twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the

ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy

ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our

family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the

grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark

at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as

a public service.

[copemech]

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she

Processed my Social Security application..

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

[copemech]

Origin of the Condom

In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

[toofasttim]

A women walks into a pub and asks the barman for a double entendre. So he gave her one.

[jamersby]

Superman is whizzing around New York he's a bit fed up and bored cos batman the joker and so on are all on holiday, suddenly he catches sight of wonder woman laying on top of a tower block spread eagled and naked, ha ha he thinks I've always fancied wonder woman and while the others are not here I'll have abit of fun, so he whizzes down and gives her what oh and flee's, wonder woman sits up and says what the hell was that, don't know said the invisible man but it f**king hurt

[copemech]

A women walks into a pub and asks the barman for a double entendre. So he gave her one.

I just do not get it, and I am a master debator!

[ham2]

I just do not get it, and I am a master debator!

Yes,you are but it's no secret

The english refrain is:- 'one' instead of 'a shag'.

As in:-

2 Male 'sweaty socks' ogle a gorgeous blonde woman in the street. The first Jock turns to the other and says; ''Och Tam, I could lend her one''.

[b40rt]

Yes,you are but it's no secret

The english refrain is:- 'one' instead of 'a shag'.

As in:-

2 Male 'sweaty socks' ogle a gorgeous blonde woman in the street. The first Jock turns to the other and says; ''Och Tam, I could lend her one''.

Dont get it ?

Do you mean rent her one ?

[bigfoot]

Or the old favourite when seeing a pretty girl when out with a mate.

Q. Marks out of one mate?

A: I'd give her one.

[copemech]

One would think, in Ham's case, one would be unlikely to get one, so one must be in toutch with one's self if one wanted one!

If the left one brought the right one, he could have one hell of a time with that one!

I am one to talk!

Edited October 3, 2010 by copemech

[ham2]

I was driving past the cemetary this morning and I saw a party of pall bearers carrying a coffin around the graveyard.

When I drove past this afternoon they were still wandering around with the coffin..crazy..I think they've lost the plot

Why did the baker have brown fingers?

Cos he kneaded a 5h1t!