slapshot 3 Posted November 9, 2010 Report Share Posted November 9, 2010 obvious photoshop job but funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted November 10, 2010 Report Share Posted November 10, 2010 An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems.... 'Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot'. So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. 'Incredible'he says, 'there is a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted November 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2010 A man in rural Wisconsin wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages, and sure enough, there's an ad for "Up North Bear Removers." He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a 12-guage shotgun, and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks. "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there, and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. "When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles, and not let go. "The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the bear knocks me off the roof, you shoot the dog." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted November 18, 2010 Report Share Posted November 18, 2010 After an excitingly hot 69 position with his girlfriend, Jesse remembered he had a dentist appointment. He was afraid that the dentist would smell a woman on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times, used dental floss 8 times & on top of that gargled 1 litre of Listerine. As he arrived at the dentist he sucked 2 strong mints. His turn came up & the dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed, Jesse opened his mouth wide. The dentist got close enough & said, "Man, did you have 69 before you came here"? Jerry said, "Does my breath smell like a woman"? The dentist replied, "No, your forehead smells like --it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted November 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2010 Kate Middleton is the first person to have her finger in Diana's ring since Dodi Al Fayed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gizza5 Posted November 21, 2010 Report Share Posted November 21, 2010 Katie goes to her future Mother-in-Law for advise? ''After giving my William oral I get really bad indegestion? The Queen without hesitation said........... . . . . . . ''Have you tried ANDREWS?'' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 To Be 6 Again! A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. 'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror . On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?' Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you f*** retard!!!!' The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveo Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said, " So why are you here ? " The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I p*** on everything...the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I p****d in the middle of my owner's bed." The black Lab said, "So what Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveo Posted November 29, 2010 Report Share Posted November 29, 2010 A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.' The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!' The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gizza5 Posted December 2, 2010 Report Share Posted December 2, 2010 I NO COME WOK TODAY Hung Chow calls his work and says, 'Hey, I no come wok today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come wok.' The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that. Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you say and I feel great. I be at wok soon.You got nice house'. __________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted December 3, 2010 Report Share Posted December 3, 2010 I NO COME WOK TODAY Hung Chow calls his work and says, 'Hey, I no come wok today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come wok.' The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that. Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you say and I feel great. I be at wok soon.You got nice house'. __________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted December 3, 2010 Report Share Posted December 3, 2010 Came across this today as well! Could be Ham a few years back, I figure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 (edited) I am starting to get into the holiday spirit again. I found this stuff at the Dollar store. Cheap Elvis gifts made in China, and some excellently embossed bum wad! It really works well. Does not ball up and stick to the bum like that soft tushy crap the wifey puts in the holder. I'll be ok till this runs out! Edited December 4, 2010 by copemech Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 Came across this today as well! Could be Ham a few years back, I figure! Neigh lad, you completely misunderstood the :-'...like a horse..' in the 'bedroom department' reference.. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted December 9, 2010 Report Share Posted December 9, 2010 (edited) With all the recent BS about gays in the military, this was sent today by a friend and fellow member. It did have a bit of ritual slagging to go with it, yet the pic says it all! Put them alltogether and send them off, well trained front line troops! Cannot wait to see the patch for the (kiss the muff) lesbo group! Edited December 9, 2010 by copemech Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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