copemech Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 Only 5000 ?!...you lucky b******. What's the nearest we have?... ...Maybe the Sunderland Air Show = 5h1te weather(last years was cancelled due to fog),5h1te location,5h1te people ( the biggest abusers of the English language) :wall:5h1te, I say 5h1te. Do not even lift a finger to google it, you will wish you spent the energy on picking your nose or something. Did I mention that you're a lucky b****** Wayne Hum, I sort of figured it would be worth a trip to an airshow weekend at Duxford, with the museum and all. Gotta love them warbirds! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 Back on topic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 For the fans of 24, both of you. * There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Jack Bauer's right hand and Jack Bauer's left hand. * The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives. * Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction. * Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes. * On Jack Bauer's Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents. * When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death. * Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon. * When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 This new Harry Potter film is all well and good but I can't help thinking it's all a bit far fetched. I mean how many schools do you know of where there's a ginger kid with two mates? I never thought I would see a woman become Prime Minister of Britain. And I was right. On the eve of Margaret Thatcher's election victory in 1979, I looked at the sun through a pair of binoculars. I'm sick and tired of women droning on and on about the pain of childbirth when they have access to any amount of pain relief. Where was the nurse with the gas and air or the epidural needle when Andrew Skelfington kicked me in the balls with his big hobnail boots in the school changing rooms in 1978?. My dog may not be able to count to ten or say "sausages" like the dogs on Esther Rantzen's "That's Life" but it can certainly hold its own in a fight against a badger. They say "you can't judge a book by its cover". What nonsense. The last edition of High School An@l that I bought featured a young lady stuffing a big one up her bomb-bay on the front page, and this turned out to be an excellent indication of the contents. Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes last summer, which rightly earned Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff BBC Sports personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never shutting up about it makes me proud to be British. Why are huntsmen so upset about the recent ban on hunting foxes? They should paint one of their dogs ginger and hunt that instead. Whenever I buy a DVD I have to sit through a trailer telling me not to watch pirate movies. Yet Johnny Depp stars in one and the posters all say 'Must See'. Make your minds up, Hollywood moguls. I was at a wedding yesterday, and the vicar said - I kid you not - "Don't be embarrassed to touch your rings if it gives you pleasure." No one understood why I laughed out loud. You often hear people say that "Blood is thicker than water". Well I've got both coming out of my a*** right now, and to be perfectly honest I can't feel any difference. The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it just me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the poor sods? With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the tvvat quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them. I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad is Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs. On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road. Why is it that pubs wont serve me if Im drunk, but McDonalds continue serving fat people? Its hardly fair. I was shocked to hear Home Secretary David Blunkett say that Britain's prison population has been ballooning for the past ten years. My God, has the world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given 'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that most law abiding citizens can only dream of. These do-gooders are now telling us we shouldn't hunt elephants. Perhaps they'd like to explain where precisely we're going to get our ivory from? 'ONE pound a week will supply water for an entire village in Tanzania', says Oxfam. So how come United Utilities charge me twenty pounds a month for my three bedroom semi? The fleecing bastuds We are police vice squad officers, that is to say porn cops, and our favourite breakfast cereal is Corn Pops. Do any other readers have favourite breakfast cereals that are spoonerisms of their occupations? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 After a new exhaust for the Scoobie Andy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 Kenny hits a 1000 replies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted January 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2011 Miss K Middleton asked the Queen "What's the secret of good health and a long life?" Her Majesty replied "Always wear a seatbelt and dont ever p*** me off" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted January 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2011 Glasgow Rangers are looking to sign some new players to help them next season, so they send chief scouts to Afghanistan to search for some new talent. Sure enough the scout finds an outstanding 18 year old striker and immediately signs him on a 3 year deal. On getting back to Scotland, the manager takes one look at him in training and puts him straight in the 1st team to play Celtic. The new lad is fantastic , he scores a hat trick and creates two more as Rangers win 5 - 0 . Ecstatic after the game the young lad phones his mum to tell her the good news . "Mum , I've just made my debut and had a great game . The team loves me , the fans love me even the press love me . Life is great" "Well" says his mum, "I'm glad life is great for you . Shall I tell you what happened to us today? Your Dad's been murdered in the street , your sister and I were raped and beaten in broad daylight and your brother's joined a vicious gang of killers" "Mum , I don't know what to say , I'm so so sorry" "Sorry , you're ******* sorry it's your ******* fault we moved to Glasgow in the 1st place!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted January 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2011 Over 1000 posts and 67 pages, well done guys, great job Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joekarter Posted January 13, 2011 Report Share Posted January 13, 2011 HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY: Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Respect her. HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY: Show up naked. Bring chicken wings. Don't block the TV. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted January 14, 2011 Report Share Posted January 14, 2011 Linda visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted January 14, 2011 Report Share Posted January 14, 2011 Click the go button......you'll love this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 Click the go button......you'll love this But nuffink append ......... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 After a series of high profile violent incidents,the local lunatic asylum next to me had a clamp down. I walked past the perimeter wall yesterday and all I could hear was the constant chanting: ''Thirteen,thirteen,thirteen,thirteen...''. I thought they must be doing some hard labour or punishment exercise so I reached up and had a peak over the wall...then some psycho smashed me in the face with a claw-hammer and all I could hear was: ''Fourteen,fourteen,fourteen,fourteen...'' 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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