trialswarrior Posted November 10, 2011 Report Share Posted November 10, 2011 This is an old one, but still makes me laugh: A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" "My wife's." ''What happened to her?" "She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?" The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her." A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men. "Can I borrow the dog?" "Get in line." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted November 14, 2011 Report Share Posted November 14, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dabber Posted November 15, 2011 Report Share Posted November 15, 2011 That's incredible, A Greig esq in a University. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b40rt Posted November 15, 2011 Report Share Posted November 15, 2011 Just glanced at the above and thought it was commemorating 600 yrs of wa*king ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted November 15, 2011 Report Share Posted November 15, 2011 That's incredible, A Greig esq in a University. I didn't take the photo FFS, nor am I guilty of having a quick J. Arthur in St. Andrews (or any other) university. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted November 16, 2011 Report Share Posted November 16, 2011 I didn't take the photo FFS, nor am I guilty of having a quick J. Arthur in St. Andrews (or any other) university. Andy has someone to do that for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted November 16, 2011 Report Share Posted November 16, 2011 I didn't take the photo FFS, nor am I guilty of having a quick J. Arthur in St. Andrews (or any other) university. That reaction is a little too defensive...almost self incriminatingly so one might say Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted November 16, 2011 Report Share Posted November 16, 2011 I didn't take the photo FFS, nor am I guilty of having a quick J. Arthur in St. Andrews (or any other) university. Yeah, yeah, me thinks he doth protesteth too much! I can see it now, on University Challenge:- Introducing St. Andrews; Pete Thomson, reading Economics and Law. Andy Greig, reading Razzle, Pregnant Asian Babes and the lingerie section of the Grattan catalogue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dabber Posted November 16, 2011 Report Share Posted November 16, 2011 Yeah, yeah, me thinks he doth protesteth too much! I can see it now, on University Challenge:- Introducing St. Andrews; Pete Thomson, reading Economics and Law. Andy Greig, reading Razzle, Pregnant Asian Babes and the lingerie section of the Grattan catalogue :rotfl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jse Posted November 16, 2011 Report Share Posted November 16, 2011 A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC . Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations." "How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks. The man replies, "Roughly a gallon." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gjbiker Posted November 17, 2011 Report Share Posted November 17, 2011 Exciting news...Ford & Renault Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women. Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted November 18, 2011 Report Share Posted November 18, 2011 Exciting news...Ford & Renault Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women. Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted November 18, 2011 Report Share Posted November 18, 2011 "A Reply From CEO of J.P. Morgan To A Pretty Girl Seeking A Rich Husband".. ! A young 'n pretty lady posted this on a popular forum: ... ---------------------------------------------------- Title: What Should I do to Marry A Rich Guy? ---------------------------------------------------- I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style 'n good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income,'n it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough. I'm here humbly to ask a few questions: 1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names 'n addresses of bars, restaurant, gym) 2) Which age group should I target? 3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks 'n are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys. 4) How do you decide who can be your wife, 'n who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married) Ms. Pretty A Philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan: Dear Ms. Pretty, I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" 'n "money" : Person A provides beauty,'n Person B pays for it, fair 'n square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, 'n you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later. By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it 'n it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. 'n by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool. Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me. signed, J.P. Morgan CEO... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gizza5 Posted November 22, 2011 Report Share Posted November 22, 2011 Have you heard about the latest craze for Ecstasy impregnated bubble gum that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted November 22, 2011 Report Share Posted November 22, 2011 (edited) Have you heard about the latest craze for Ecstasy impregnated bubble gum that’s sweeping the Yorkshire dance clubs?. It’s called ‘E’ by gum. Edited November 22, 2011 by TooFastTim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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