ham2 Posted January 25, 2013 Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) Wayne will be in the Metro centre trying to chorie a cappa trackie. Me trackie is da 5h|t, to compliment me dope wheels man...righteous!:- Edited January 25, 2013 by ham2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted January 25, 2013 Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 A business trip to the toilets of Newcastle? Trade must be bad up North? Am actually in Sunderland. Was just passing' through Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted January 25, 2013 Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) Am actually in Sunderland. Was just passing' through Oh, I apologise,that's very Christian of you, I won't take the peepee anymore since you're part of the UN aid convoy to the Mackem wastelands. Edited January 25, 2013 by ham2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted January 26, 2013 Report Share Posted January 26, 2013 Oh, I apologise,that's very Christian of you, I won't take the peepee anymore since you're part of the UN aid convoy to the Mackem wastelands. Sick ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted January 28, 2013 Report Share Posted January 28, 2013 Bloke goes to the council to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replied, "Yes, caffeine." "Have you ever worked for the public service before?" "Yes, I was in the army." he said, "I was in Iraq for two tours." The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points towards employment." Then he was asked, "Are you disabled in any way?" Bloke says, "Yes. A mine exploded near me when I was there and I lost both of my testicles". The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to take you on right away. Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.......but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am - and carry on starting at 10.00am every day." Bloke was puzzled and asked, "If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm, why don't you want me here until 10.00am? I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know" "What you have to understand is that this is a council job," the interviewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our bollocks. There's no point in you coming in for that." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trialswarrior Posted January 28, 2013 Report Share Posted January 28, 2013 One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. "No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama. The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said .. . . . . "OK, Monica, you're free to go." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted January 29, 2013 Report Share Posted January 29, 2013 One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. "No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama. The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said .. . . . . "OK, Monica, you're free to go." Shoulda made him do Hillary! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted January 29, 2013 Report Share Posted January 29, 2013 (edited) Shoulda made him do Hillary! Edited January 29, 2013 by ham2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
axulsuv Posted January 29, 2013 Report Share Posted January 29, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zippy Posted January 29, 2013 Report Share Posted January 29, 2013 Shoulda made him do Hillary! Yea I hear her "member" is bigger than Bill's Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted January 29, 2013 Report Share Posted January 29, 2013 I see some poor sod had been killed by a falling betting shop sign...what's the odds of that happening? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Here's one from my eight year old nephew: What's invisible and smells of bananas? Monkey fart! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
axulsuv Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 When hurricane Sandy struck the East Coast, even houses of worship were not spared. A local television station interviewed a black woman from New Jersey and asked how the loss of churches in the area would affected their lives. Without hesitation, the woman replied, "I don't know 'bout all those other people, but we ain't gone to Churches in years. We gets our chicken from Popeye's." The look on the interviewer's face was priceless. They live among us, AND THEY VOTE. Now, do you understand how we got our president? May have to be a yank to get that ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 ................They live among us, AND THEY VOTE. May have to be a yank to get that ... No you don't This might be the same woman:- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udS-OcNtSWo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 Poor Bill! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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