Kenny The Rooster - Contains Adult Humour

[zippy]

 

 

And that's how the fight started................ I still don't know why?

[the addict]

The teacher stood in front of her class and said "right children, today we are going to look at the alphabet. I want you to name something beginning with a letter and then describe it to me. We'll start with the letter A"
Little Johnny's hand was up in a flash, the teacher ignored him as she knew the swear words he was thinking of. She turned to little Mary an said " yes Mary. "A is for apple" she replied "very good Mary and what is an apple" "An apple is a green or red fruit"... said Mary.
"Okay now we'll try the letter B" said the teacher, again little Jihnny's hand was up in a flash and again the teacher ignored him "yes Jamie" "B is for Bread Miss" said Little Jamie, "very good Jamie" said the teacher and what is bread" Bread is brown or white cooked dough" said Jamie. "Excellent" said the teacher, now "C" Yet again with Johnny's hand but again the teacher knew swear words so ignored him. "Yes Jenny" "C is for Carrot miss, an orange vegetable" " very good said the teacher. Now the letter D" Johnny's hand was the first up, the teacher couldn't think of a swear word beginning with D so she said "yes Johnny" "D is for dwarf miss" said Johnny, "excellent " said the teacher, and what is a dwarf Johnny, " He's a little fat ******* with ****ing big ears" said Johnny!!..

[guys]

[atomant]

I heard a feminist joke today that made me chuckle

 

An Afghan lady was walking 20ft behind her husband when a renowned feminist said to her, "We have fought for years since the suffragette to get women's rights and be equals with men so you can walk beside you husband... So why are you back to the dark ages and walking 20ft behind him again? 

 

She leant over and whispered in her ear .. " Land mines"  

[the addict]

I heard a feminist joke today that made me chuckle

 

An Afghan lady was walking 20ft behind her husband when a renowned feminist said to her, "We have fought for years since the suffragette to get women's rights and be equals with men so you can walk beside you husband... So why are you back to the dark ages and walking 20ft behind him again? 

 

She leant over and whispered in her ear .. " Land mines"  

 

Although more than likely in Afghanistan the women would be walking well before the man.

[gizza5]

PLEASE BE VERY CAREFUL WITH YOUR WISHES!!!! 40 YEARS OF MARRIAGE......

 

A married couple in their early 60's was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet and romantic little restaurant. Suddenly a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband'. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me'. The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

 

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful and should remember fairies are FEMALE

[atomant]

I said to the missus, " I'm off out to the pub so get your coat on" " she said " Am I coming then?" I said , " No, I'm turning the heating off "   

Edited July 7, 2015 by atomant

[trialswarrior]

A man is sitting in a saloon in Paso Robles, California and

was far from home when Barack Obama came on TV.

The man looked at the TV and said, "Obama is a
horse's ass."

Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the
face, knocking him off his bar stool, then stomps out.

The man got back up, rubbed his cheek and ordered another
beer.

Shortly after, Michelle Obama appears on the TV.

The man looked at the TV and said "She is a horse's ass too!"

Out of nowhere, another local punches him in the other side
of the face, knocking him off his bar stool again.

The man gets back up and looks at the bartender, "I
take it this is Obama country?"

"Nope,” replies the bartender, "Horse country."

[the addict]

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?" The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before." "Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit!!..

[english electric]

a bloke went to the doctors with a big frog growing out the side of his head the doctor went  OMG how the hell did that start off .

 

and the frog replied as a boil on my fecking  ar$e

[the addict]

a bloke went to the doctors with a big frog growing out the side of his head the doctor went  OMG how the hell did that start off .

 

and the frog replied as a boil on my fecking  ar$e

 

lol, one of Bernard's I believe God bless him.

[atomant]

 

 

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”

 

This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

Edited July 10, 2015 by atomant

[the addict]

[the addict]

^{A man was hunting when a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over & discharged, shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
"Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news.
The good news is that you are going to be OK.
The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, & we were able to remove all of the buckshot."...
"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your willy which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."
"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied.
"Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
" Not exactly answered the doctor."
"She's a flute player in the Boston Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't p*** in your eye.}

[the addict]

Jen's friend Amy is complaining about having a sore throat.
"When I have a sore throat, I always give my husband a blow job and, as long as I swallow, it feels better the next day. You should try it," says Jen.
The next day, they meet up and Amy is all smiles.
"How did it go, then?" asks Jen. "Wonderfully!" beams Amy. "Your husband couldn’t believe it was your idea."