laird387 Posted September 2, 2015 Report Share Posted September 2, 2015 Hi, I'm having endless trouble with my new shampoo. The bottle says: "For frequent use......." That's OK, it squirts out and gives a good lather and my hair feels good and clean. But getting all that lather back through that tiny hole for the next use.................................. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
biffsgasgas Posted September 3, 2015 Report Share Posted September 3, 2015 HA! --Biff 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atomant Posted September 3, 2015 Report Share Posted September 3, 2015 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted September 3, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2015 (edited) I've no idea why she said put it in the oven at 120 degrees but I've managed it. Edited September 3, 2015 by the addict 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 Hi, THE PARABLE OF THE JEWISH SAMURAI Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai. "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor. The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two! "What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do." The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered. "That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?" The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead." "Dead?" replied the Jewish Samurai. "Dead is easy ~ but circumcised?" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted September 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2015 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted September 6, 2015 Report Share Posted September 6, 2015 She was trying car pooling. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 Hi, How To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity in RETIREMENT 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on, point a hair dryer at passing cars, and watch them slow down! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 Hi, How To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity in RETIREMENT On all your cheque stubs, write, 'For Marijuana'! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guys Posted September 8, 2015 Report Share Posted September 8, 2015 https://video-fra3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hvideo-xlp1/v/t42.1790-2/10913338_780448562036646_534165748_n.mp4?efg=eyJybHIiOjMwOSwicmxhIjo1MTJ9&rl=309&vabr=172&oh=736f92a5cd6ae2bb6e986b605aaf1da1&oe=55EF62E9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted September 9, 2015 Report Share Posted September 9, 2015 Hi, How To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity in RETIREMENT With a serious face, order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted September 10, 2015 Report Share Posted September 10, 2015 How To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity in RETIREMENT Sing along at The Opera. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted September 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 10, 2015 A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gor...geous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?” “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.” Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.” “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted September 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 (edited) Pulled a gypsy bird last night, she said "do you want to come back to mine for a good time" Wow!!!! she wasn't kidding, I went on the Waltzer , dodgems and the ghost train and came home with a gold fish Edited September 12, 2015 by the addict 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted September 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2015 Dear Dr. Phil, I was watching my next door neighbour's wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was jerking off I turned to notice my wife just standing there, arms folded ... watching me......Is she a pervert? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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