Kenny The Rooster - Contains Adult Humour

[guys]

Hi,

Meantime, somewhere exciting...............

...... in Belgium

[Andy]

...... in Belgium

There is somewhere exciting in Belgium?!

[zippy]

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a section about Belgium:

"Belgium.

Less offensive words have been created in the many languages of the galaxy, such as joojooflop, swut and Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish.

The reason the Earth has been shunned for so long is also due to a language problem. On Earth, Belgium refers to a small country. Throughout the rest of the galaxy, Belgium is the most unspeakably rude word there is. "

Read more on the BBC site that I "lifted" the quote from.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/belgium.shtml

[copemech]

They are very close to Germany! If it is German it has to work, right?

I can actually see this working, as RR wheels are in pairs, one rocks over, then the other. Not built for speed though.

Sick!

[pa.]

This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of Coopers beer cheap at the local supermarket.

I placed the boxes on the front seat of the ute and headed back home.

I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.

She glanced at the two boxes of bevvy, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, her bra-less boobs nigh on falling out of her skimpy top, she said,. . . in a sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter old fella,. . . . . . Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"

I thought for a few seconds and asked,

"What kind of beer 'ya got?"

[kmac]

My wife walked in on me when I was blow drying my male member.

''What the hell are you doing?'' she said

Apparently ''Warming up your dinner'' wasn't the correct answer!!

[slapshot 3]

Golf gags

Brandon and Wesley are playing golf at their favorite course, but on every hole they are being held up by a twosome of women who are always half a hole ahead.

The women are great golfers, but they are playing terribly slow. Finally, after watching the women in the distance as they stood over their putts for what seemed like an eternity, Wesley decided to do something.

"I'll walk ahead and ask them if we can play through," Wesley said. He set off down the fairway, walking towards the women. But when he got halfway, he stopped, turned around and headed back to where Brandon waited.

"Can't do it," Wesley said, sounding mighty embarrassed. "One of them is my wife and the other's my mistress!"

"OK," Brandon said with understanding. "Then I'll go ask them."

Brandon started up the fairway, only to stop halfway and turn back.

"What's wrong?" Wesley asked when Brandon got back.

To which Brandon could only reply: "Small world, isn't it?"

[copemech]

10 Jokes Only Engineers Will Understand. Who Says Engineers Don’t Have A Sense Of Humor?

10th May 2014

1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

7. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ)

8. Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...

"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."

[slapshot 3]

Biology Exam

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all.

One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.

2) It provides immunity against several diseases.

3) It is always the right temperature.

4) It is inexpensive.

5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.

6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.

He got an A

=================================

Ten Thousand years ago the first humans came to North America by crossing over from Russia to Alaska.

They hadn't actually intended to do this.

They got lost and couldn't get their Berings Strait.

===================================

The group of cowboys riding with the sheriff was not gaining on the outlaws at all.

The sheriff asked for suggestions.

One of the cowboys said, "We could add a male bovine to our group."

The sheriff nodded and said, "That's posse bull."

=================================

[atomant]

So, I was tickling my little brothers feet when mum wakes up and starts giving me a right earful...

Something about . " Waiting until he is born"

[pa.]

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening.."

The wife suggested I inquire about a penis enlarger, so I did. Her names Cindy and she's 26 years old.

I found out my wife is having an affair so I have turned to religion to get me through this difficult time, Islam in fact, they are coming around in the morning to do the stoning.

[ham2]

Last night my wife sent me a text, saying she was in casualty.

When I got home I watched all 50 minutes of it, never saw her once, the lying cow.

She still hasn't come home yet. I'm starving.

How does Moses make his tea?

Hebrews it.

My mate's boozing is getting way out of control, he's addicted to drinking brake-fluid now but he

says he can stop at anytime.

I was reading today about crime in London and how a dwarf was pick-pocketed.

How could anybody stoop so low?

[copemech]

LAKE BUENA VISTA, Fla. – Officials say a tourist from the United Kingdom lost two fingertips on his right hand while riding on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom in Florida.

The incident happened Thursday morning. Bo Jones of the Reedy Creek Fire Department told Orlando station WKMG the man lost the tips of his ring and pinky fingers and was taken to a hospital. His name was not released and his condition wasn't available.

Officials say it was unclear how the incident happened, yet the missing shards of skin were later found caught in his trousers zipper fly.

Disney officials stopped the ride and checked it out. The ride was confirmed safe and reopened later Thursday.

[b40rt]

LAKE BUENA VISTA, Fla. – Officials say a tourist from the United Kingdom lost two fingertips on his right hand while riding on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom in Florida.

The incident happened Thursday morning. Bo Jones of the Reedy Creek Fire Department told Orlando station WKMG the man lost the tips of his ring and pinky fingers and was taken to a hospital. His name was not released and his condition wasn't available.

Officials say it was unclear how the incident happened, yet the missing shards of skin were later found caught in his trousers zipper fly.

Disney officials stopped the ride and checked it out. The ride was confirmed safe and reopened later Thursday.

[copemech]

British Humor, Hell Yea!

You wouldn't understand.