Kenny The Rooster - Contains Adult Humour

[perce]

She is absolutely gorgeous! wtf is is up to ?????

perhaps he couldn't have a gimme when he laid up next to the hole

[toofasttim]

At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke - 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Liverpudlian.

Leaning over, he cups his huge ear: "Do you want a blow job?" he whispers. At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened.

Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says.

"Just what did he say to you?"

"I'm not sure" the big scouser replies.

"Something about a job."

[dickielumpkin]

An Englishman a Scotsman a Welshman and an Irishman are sitting in a train carriage one day waiting for the train to pull off.

As the train moves away the Englishman says 'Well since we are all sharing this carriage please allow me to introduce myself. My name is George and I was born on St Georges day and I'm proud to be English.'

On hearing this the Welsman says Well isn't that a coincidence boyo's 'cos my names David and I was born on st Davids day and I am a proud welshman.

Almost before he has finished the Scottsman pipes up saying 'Och I cannae believe it..my name is Andrew and I was born on St Andrews day.

All 3 of them looked over at the Irishman who thought for a minute before before blurting out.. 'Well moi names pancake and....

[zippy]

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was

nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his

gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked..

'No, I don't,' she replied.

'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank

of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their

hands, let them dry,

then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'

She didn't crack a smile.

'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she

burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?' he asked.

'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

[ham2]

[b40rt]

First pics of new Ossa in action here -

[pa.]

[b40rt]

Have a look at 3.50 on if you love Hummer drivers

BMW drivers are just as bad

Edited December 9, 2009 by B40RT

[the addict]

Three nuns were having a rest one afternoon and one of the nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and guess what I found? A bunch of p*rnographic magazines...!" "So, what did you do?" the other nuns asked."Well, of course I threw them in the bin."

And then the second nun said, "Well, when I was in Father's room putting away the laundry, I found a bunch of c*ndoms...!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.

[the addict]

Three explorers are captured by a tribe in an Amazon jungle and the Chief is going to punish them for entering their sacred land. So he calls the first explorer to the front of the tribe and asks, "Death or Booka?!". The explorer didn't wanna die, so he chooses booka. The tribe starts screaming BOOKA! dances around, and the chief then rips the explorers pants off and shags him up the a***.

The chief calls the second explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well not wanting to die either, he chooses booka. The tribe again starts screaming BOOKA! and dances around. The chief rips the second guy's pants off and shags him up the a***.

The chief calls the third explorer to the front and asks, "Death or Booka?!". Well the third guy has a little more self respect and thinks death would be better than being violated in front of hundreds of tribesman, so he opts for death. The chief turns to the tribe and screams "DEATH BY BOOKA!"

[the addict]

An army camp in an Afghanistan desert had just received a new commander. During the new commander's first inspection he saw a camel tied to a tree not far from the camp.

The commander asked what the camel is for, and one of the soldiers who had been there for years explained to him that sometimes the men get very lonely since there aren't any women there, and when they do, they usually use the camel.

The commander went and doesn't think about it, but after a few weeks he was feeling very lonely so he ordered the men to bring the camel into his tent. The men brought the camel, and the commander went to work on it.

After about an hour the commander came out, zipped up his pants and said, "So is that how the other men do it?" One of the men responded, "No sir, we usually just use the camel to ride into town."

[the addict]

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Politicians and nappies have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

[the addict]

King Kenny Ossa will have to try harder

[pa.]

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major and asked,

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, ''It looks like you have seen a lot of action?''

''Yes,ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "

"1955," he replied.

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need To chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!"

She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955".

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

[pa.]

You have read the story now see the movie.