the addict Posted July 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 As an inspirational measure, a boss placed a sign in the restroom directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!"The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at his sign, and right next to it, above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign, which read, "THOAP!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted July 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 Lord Sewel has quit as House of Lords deputy speaker over a video allegedly showing him snorting Charlie off a whore's tits through a rolled up five pound note.A spokesperson for the House of Lords said, "This disgusting behaviour falls far short of the standards expected of the upper house. He should have used at least a twenty." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted July 28, 2015 Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Hi, 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steveo Posted July 30, 2015 Report Share Posted July 30, 2015 A lady walks into a Chemist shop and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist said,"Why in the world do you need cyanide?"The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, ..."Crikey! -- I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, I will not sell you any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted July 30, 2015 Report Share Posted July 30, 2015 hi, 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michael_t Posted July 31, 2015 Report Share Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) Edited July 31, 2015 by michael_t 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted August 1, 2015 Report Share Posted August 1, 2015 Hi, 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zippy Posted August 1, 2015 Report Share Posted August 1, 2015 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted August 7, 2015 Report Share Posted August 7, 2015 (edited) Who is her Daddy? Edited August 7, 2015 by pa. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted August 7, 2015 Report Share Posted August 7, 2015 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted August 7, 2015 Report Share Posted August 7, 2015 Hi, In an office block:TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted August 8, 2015 Report Share Posted August 8, 2015 Hi, In a Laundromat:AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the addict Posted August 8, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 8, 2015 An old man walks into the local Cathedral and says to the rector, "I would like to join this ****ing church."The astonished man replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?""Listen, damn it. I said I want to join this ****ing church!""I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."The rector leaves his desk and goes into the bishop's study to inform him of the situation....The Bishop agrees that the rector does not have to listen to that foul language.They both return to his office and the Bishop asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?""There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 5 million quid on the ****ing lottery and I want to join this ****ing church to get rid of some of this ****ing money.""I see," said the Bishop, "and is this **** giving you a hard time?" 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laird387 Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Hi. Notice in health food shop window:CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guys Posted August 9, 2015 Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 (edited) From Facebook: THE IRISH PROSTITUTE An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?' The girl, crying, replied, Dad... I became a prostitute.' 'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.' 'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.' 'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad. Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.' 'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !! Edited August 9, 2015 by guys 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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