Kenny The Rooster - Contains Adult Humour

[copemech]

One for the rest of us!

[thespikeyone]

Shortly after her 11th birthday, Julie gets her first period. Uncomfortable with talking to her parents about whats happening to her, she decides to ask her little brother johnny. 'Whats wrong with me??' she gasps, as she whips up her skirt to show him her bleeding tuppence. Johnny scratches his chin for a moment and finally says "i'm no expert, but it looks like someone's ripped yer balls off!!!!!!

[the addict]

The pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him. Finally he was brought to an old physician, who stated that he could figure it out. After about an hour's examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong. He said that the bad news was that it was a rare disorder of the testicles. He said that the goods news was that all the pope had to do to be cured was to have sex. Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally they went to the pope with the doctor and explained the situation.

After some thought, the pope stated, "I agree, but under four conditions." The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over all of the noise there arose a single voice that asked, "And what are the four conditions?" The room stilled. There was a long pause... The pope replied, "First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see whom she is having sex."

"Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex." "Third she must be dumb so that if somehow she figures out with who she is having sex, she can tell no one." After another long pause a voice arose and asked, "And the fourth condition?"

The Pope replied

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."Big Tits"

[pa.]

[ham2]

Class!!

It's only funny to me because I know a few people who've got it bad

[ham2]

My Grandad has a nick-name:

They call him 'Spider-man'....'cos he can't get out of the bath !

[slapshot 3]

Can't see if this has graced Kenny yet....

Paddy is passing by Mick

[axulsuv]

[the addict]

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store & thought, "That's what I need - a new suit."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve & 16-1/2 neck." Again, Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see ... 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."

Joe laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.

[slapshot 3]

I always feel it's right to give young chaps the proper start in life and help them appreciate the finer things........

[copemech]

I always feel it's right to give young chaps the proper start in life and help them appreciate the finer things........

I need to post that one up on the frige! In the kitch,--as a reminder!

[ham2]

Slapppy: Yesss!!

Edited October 30, 2010 by HAM2

[slapshot 3]

I need one of these....... decent and clever bit of engineering that!!

[ham2]

Old news joke;-

It took a long time to rescue those Chilean miners.

They had to bring them up to the surface Juan by Juan

[slapshot 3]

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf

balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls".

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long

time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any

longer, she asked;

Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?

...........................

Teacher calls a class of 6 year olds in from the playground "Hello Johnny what have you being playing today"?

"I was in the sand box with Mary, Miss" "very good Johnny ,if you can spell sand you can have a biscuit" "s a n d miss" very good and what have you been doing Mary"

"I was in the sand box with Johnny Miss" "Very good if you can spell box you can have a biscuit" "b o x Miss"

And what have you been doin Ali" "Nothing Miss Johnny and Sally wouldnt play with me" "Oh thats terrible Ali thats discrimination, if you can spell discrimination you can have a biscuit.

...............................

There was a Yorkshire painter let's call him Yorkie Utterthwaite who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further..

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.

Yorkie put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with water...

Well, Yorkie was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Yorkie clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Yorkie was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,

so he got down on his knees and cried:

"Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke..

"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"

...........

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 am and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies,