tony27 Posted June 24, 2011 Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 I'm guessing by the riders reaction when they spin apart that the throttle cable ripped off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted June 24, 2011 Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gjbiker Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 The word 'Haynes' could be replaced with 'Clymer' if so desired? Dedicated to all of us who have ever used a Haynes Manual! Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise. Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise. Haynes: This is a snug fit. Translation: You will skin your knuckles! Haynes: This is a tight fit. Translation: Not a hope in hell matey! Haynes: As described in Chapter 7... Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox. Haynes: Pry... Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into... Haynes: Undo... Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size). Haynes: Retain tiny spring... Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"! Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb... Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part. Haynes: Lightly... Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because what you are doing now cannot be considered "lightly". Haynes: Weekly checks... Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it! Haynes: Routine maintenance... Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be! Haynes: One spanner rating. Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up? Haynes: Two spanner rating. Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, ikkle number... but you also thought that the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you). Haynes: Four spanner rating. Translation: You are seriously considering this aren't you, you pleb! Haynes: Five spanner rating. Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride it afterwards!!! Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this... Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Haynes: Compress... Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search for it in the dark corner of the garage whilst muttering "b*****" repeatedly under your breath. Haynes: Inspect... Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"! Haynes: Carefully... Translation: You are about to cut yourself! Haynes: Retaining nut... Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust. Haynes: Get an assistant... Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know. Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed. Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs. Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal. Translation: But you swear in different places. Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs... Translation: Snap off... Haynes: Using a suitable drift... Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift! Haynes: Everyday toolkit Translation: Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone Haynes: Apply moderate heat... Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat. Haynes: Index Translation: List of all the things in the book bar the thing you want to do! GJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted June 26, 2011 Report Share Posted June 26, 2011 I read in the papers today that the police are planning to fine all bad drivers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted June 27, 2011 Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 i couldn't find that f**$ing thing that peels the carrots and potatoes so i went and asked the kids if they had seen it = = = = = = = = = = = = apparently she left me last saturday !!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted June 27, 2011 Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted June 27, 2011 Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 Jimmy the Jock reads on-line that tip-ex is a cheap substitute for viagra. He says he drank some before he went to bed and woke up with a huge correction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted June 27, 2011 Report Share Posted June 27, 2011 Ahh,I see..pity those things don't have a bank sensor like a 4RT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pa. Posted June 30, 2011 Report Share Posted June 30, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted June 30, 2011 Report Share Posted June 30, 2011 I luv P.A. Absolutely bang on! Hmm those taxis?..I'm sure they had another name? Jo-burg was a world class city Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted June 30, 2011 Report Share Posted June 30, 2011 Get this Wayne, the ENTIRE cell network has gone down in SA. All service providers. Add that to all the talk of nationalising banks, mines and farms without compensation and it's looking bleak. Malemas threat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted June 30, 2011 Report Share Posted June 30, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted June 30, 2011 Report Share Posted June 30, 2011 Get this Wayne, the ENTIRE cell network has gone down in SA. All service providers. Add that to all the talk of nationalising banks, mines and farms without compensation and it's looking bleak. Malemas threat That's criminal (excuse the pun) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 80 pages....FANTASTIC.......20 more we break the ton...JUSTIN!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b40rt Posted July 1, 2011 Report Share Posted July 1, 2011 Darwin would have had a field day with this :- http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=wpd5&feature=iv&annotation_id=annotation_581082 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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