kinell Posted February 19, 2009 Report Share Posted February 19, 2009 This one I like, lots Does poor health limit the availability of jobs and do specific job markets vary from country to country & society to society? The anecdote below shows how Britain is leading the way both in medical research & job creation An Israeli doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks'. A German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks'. A Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks'. The English doctor, not to be outdone, said, 'Hah!. We can take two arseholes out of Scotland, put them in 10 & 11 Downing Street, and have half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b40rt Posted February 19, 2009 Report Share Posted February 19, 2009 How about some jokes about pakis, wogs and jews. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ham2 Posted February 19, 2009 Report Share Posted February 19, 2009 How about some jokes about pakis, wogs and jews. Ok , you go first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 K, still has the Raga fettish on, maybe he has assumed the nickname? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b40rt Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 Ok , you go first. Sorry, I forgot, apparently that wouldn't be acceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gizza5 Posted February 20, 2009 Report Share Posted February 20, 2009 How about some jokes about pakis, wogs and jews. Touchy arn't we Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiz Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 The angel Gabriel said to God What you working on today? God said I`m making a place called Scotland, It`s goin to have stunning mountains with fast flowing rivers full of beautifull brown trout, the most beautiful lochs, a stunning coastline, with lush green land and fantastic blue skies and sunsets that will blow your mind, the people are going to be friendly and intelligent and I`m going to give them a national drink called whisky. Gabriel said Aren`t you being a bit ott with this Scotland? the people will think they are already in Heaven. Na not really said God Wait till I tell you about the neighbours Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gizza5 Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 A rugby league fan is drinking in a London bar, when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies, "That's about average in Yorkshire ... like I said, my boy's a typical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player." Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of "WOW!" One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, aren't you the father of that typical Yorkshire baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Twenty pounds." The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!" The Yorkshireman takes a slow swig of his Tetley's bitter, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says . . . . . . "Had him circumcised..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b40rt Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his Wife, Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, 'Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we Could make love again?' Carolyn agreed and again they made love. Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now Had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn's shoulder And said, 'Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die.' She Agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and He tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. 'Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?' His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, 'Listen Barry, I'm not being funny.... ..but I have to get up in the morning and you don't.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motofire Posted February 23, 2009 Report Share Posted February 23, 2009 HER DIARY: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too. ' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster . HIS DIARY: The bike wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapshot 3 Posted February 23, 2009 Report Share Posted February 23, 2009 HER DIARY:Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too. ' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster . HIS DIARY: The bike wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid. Now that's funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zippy Posted February 23, 2009 Report Share Posted February 23, 2009 motofire Posted Today, 03:28 PM HER DIARY: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too. ' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster . HIS DIARY: The bike wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid. So true, So true. My wonderful wife read this one and promptly said "If you get moody I will slap you upside the head and tell you, I don't care about your silly bike!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copemech Posted February 24, 2009 Report Share Posted February 24, 2009 HER DIARY:Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too. ' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster . HIS DIARY: The bike wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid. Funny, same thing happened to me with the friggin Serow on Sunday! POS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toofasttim Posted February 26, 2009 Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 Two Gay Guys are walking through a zoo... They come across the gorillas and notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this. One of the men just can't bear it any longer, and he reaches into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for six hours, non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by.... When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital. A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, 'Are you hurt?' 'AM I HURT?' he shouts, 'Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called....he hasn't Sms'd... nothing ....!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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