Duluth Mystery Solved!

[sendero]

At the last WW in Duluth, we find our hero (Ringo) outside the facility during the event, however, not by his own choice. Not being satisfied with the "reasons" that I was given for this spectacle, I did a little research and have been able to piece together the truth, or at least we're a little closer to the truth, with the new found evidence we have to work with. I'll start from the very beginning, for those that might not be up to speed...

Rrrrring:

"Hello and I'm not interested."

"Sendero! It's me! Ringo! Dude, I am in big, big trouble."

"Trouble?"

"Yea. This is big."

"Did you get caught poachin' Gerbils again?"

"OH SHUT UP!"

"OK. OK. What's up?"

"I got booted from the world round."

"Noooo!"

"Yea! Booted right out of the place!"

"You're kidding!"

"No man, I'm not kidding. Booted out!"

"I gotta hear this! But I can't listen right now. I'll call you back in ten minutes. I got another call. Cool?"

"Cool."

Click

I immediately called my Minnesota connection for the scoop on the Ringmaster's antics. I wrote it all down and called the Ringmaster back...

Ring:

"Sendero!"

"Yea, it's me. Now... tell me everything, and don't fudge, twist, bend, tweak, or leave out, anything. I want the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and I WILL verify all this. Start from the beginning."

"OK. There I was mindin' my own business when a stationwagon full of blondes pulled into the McDonalds parking lot....'

"Not THAT beginning! Start from when you did whatever you did to get booted."

"Ok. There I was, at section three, mindin' my own business, doin' a little video work. I always shoot film at the world stuff. Ya want a copy? Five bucks. "

"We'll get to that. Now back to the story."

"Ok. So I get to the section, lay out all my angles, the lighting, the whole nine, ya know, and I'm all set up and ready. The checker comes over and we make a little small talk, I got my press bib on and everything's cool. The checker goes back to his spot and here come the riders. I was doin' a shot where I had to walk backwards to fill the screen and I accidently tripped over the tape and fell on my ass, right in to the section. Thank God nobody was ridin' yet. "

"Wait. Let me get this straight. You were filming, and walking backwards, and nobody was ridin' yet?"

"Yea."

"Hold on, let me write this down... Ok. Shoot..."

"Ok, so I'm layin' there, Friexa mumbles some foreign profanity at me, and I immediately look over at the checker. He's got a radio this friggin' big, it's stuck to his face sideways, and he's talkin' into it and lookin' right at me! I quickly jump up and out of the section and apologize to everyone within earshot. The checker lowers the radio and seems to be over it, so I go about my business. Ten minutes later he's kickin' me out for no reason!"

"No reason?"

"Yea! No reason! He was the most bib-heavy checker ya ever seen! A real power trippin' Joe Friday type, ya know. You shoulda heard what he said to me!"

"Whad he say?"

"He said

"I know your kind, mister. Yea, you and your rock and roll good time buddies come out here from California with all that hair and loud music, thinkin' we're justa buncha turnip truck drivers out here, don't ya? Yea, just a hayseed bunch of beet farmers, huh? Well I got news for ya, Hot Rod. We don't put up with your kind out here. We don't want your kind anywher'es around here, and I'll be watchin' you every step of the way. You slip up once, just once, and you'll be beetin' your little turnip in a Minnesota jail, boy!"

I tried to talk nice. I apologized and everything. I even whipped my best Eddie Haskel on him, but nothin' would cut any ice with that guy! Nothin'!"

"So Ringo... What about the Lampkin incedent?"

"You heard about that?"

"Yup. It's all over the web. Let's here your side of the story."

"Ok. Well again, there I was..."

"I know... mindin' your own business."

"Yea, and this cute little blonde with jubs out to here, was havin' a hard time seeing, so in my gentlemenly way of course, I was merely showing her how to climb this tree that was right next to the section. While she was tryin' to climb it, I figured I'd shoot some film of it, and Joe Friday freaked right out! Went bug nuts!"

"So what did Lampkin have to do with it?"

"Well, as it turns out, while all this was goin' on, Lamkin was ridin' the section, spotted the blonde, stopped and balanced on a boulder, watched the blonde climbin' the tree, stayed there a little too long, and got timed out for a big fat five. You shoulda heard him reemin' Joe Friday for a re-ride, and I knew Friday was gonna take it out on me. The radio was up to his face again and he was lookin' right at me. But he didn't boot me for it, I don't think he had the time, so it was all good."

"OK. Give me a second here... I'm writing.... Ok. What about the Fujinami incedent?"

"You heard about that too?"

"Yup."

"All over the web?"

"Yup"

"Ok. Ok. This was not my fault. I had nothing to do with it. It was trick of fate I tell ya. Fujinami's gettin' ready to ride. I'm all set up to film it, and right thru the veiwfinder walks theee biggest rack of milk white Minnesota Duds ya ever seen. My God they were incredible! I just HAD to work with this one, ya know what I mean? So I lowered the camera and introduced myself to her, forgetting all about Fujinami, and we got on the subject of music. That's always a good ice breaker, ya know. Well, turns out she liked classic rock (puke) but I had to sound impressed, so I told her my favorite classic rock band was Toto. All of a sudden, Fujinami jumps off his bike, runs over to me and whips up his best Kung Fu stance, and he's gonna downright kick my ass, right then, right there! Joe Friday runs up to him and grabs him from behind, but Fujinami is focused and he wants me bad."

"What the hell happened? What set him off?"

"Well, Friday was bigger than Fujinami, so he was able to hold him back, but let me tell ya, if looks could kill, and I think Fujinami woulda pounded me, too. A regular little Samurai ass kicker, that guy. Friday's radio was back on his face and again, he was lookin' right at me."

"I'm still in the dark here, Ringo... What set off Fujinami?"

"Well, I asked his minder the same question. Turns out that "Toto" means TOILET in japanese, and he thought I called him a "tiolet". Who woulda known?!?"

"You called Fujinami a "toilet"? Geez, you can't win, can ya?"

"I know. I didn't do anything! I was just talkin' to the chick!"

"So what did Friday do?"

"The radio was stuck to his face again, lookin' right at me. Probably callin' in an airstrike, but it got busy and I never heard a word, so it was all still ok, or so I thought."

"Ok.... give me a minute.... OK. Got it. Let's move on. What was the Raga incedent all about?"

"Geez. There are no secrets left in today's world... I don't know what to tell ya about this one... I still don't understand it. Raga was ridin' the section. I was filming it. He had an entourage of little Spanish honey's that were following him all around. Well, little did I know, following the honey's were what must have been undercover Spanish bodyguards."

"Bodyguards?"

"Yup. Bodyguards. Musta been thirty of 'em. The honey's were to my right, and right behind them were the... bodyguards... I guess. Anyway, I'm filming Raga and he's coming from my left. As I panned to the right, following Raga, the little Spanish honey's came into the viewfinder, and BAM! I was out like a light. I never saw it coming. Somehow I got knocked out and wound up sprawled on the ground, inside the tape. Musta been from behind, I don't know, but I was out cold for a while. When I woke up, I was layin' on the ground and Friday was lookin' down at me, his ugly face about six inches from mine, and you guessed it... the radio was stuck to his face again and he was lookin' right thru me. They grabbed me up and Full Nelson'ed my butt right out of the park, for NO REASON! I didn't do anything!"

"Man, Ringo. You got screwed. You didn't do anything and you got booted for no reason."

"Yea. Booted for no reason."

"Dude. Hate to interupt, but I gotta go. I'll talk at ya later. I gotta go clean behind the stove and dishwasher for Mrs. Sendero. See ya."

"Later. HEY! Ya want a video? Five bucks?"

"Yea, send me one. The check's in the mail. Gotta go dude."

"Later."

I immediately got on the phone to my Minnesota connection and got the phone # for the checker, aka "Joe Friday"...

Ring:

"Hello."

"Hi, Mr. Friday?"

"That's me."

"My name is Sendero and I'm a sportswriter for Trials World Orama, known as the Big T.W.O. We are a web-zine that gets about a thousand giga-hits a day. We're based here in Bent Spoke, Texas, with a little satellite office down in Cairo. Ya heard of us?"

"No, and I'm not interested."

"But sir, sir! I'm not selling anything. I'm just calling to get your thoughts on the recent world round in Duluth. You checked section three didn't you?"

"Why, yes we did. Me and Sweet Pea, my little teenage daughter. We checked that section. It was her first time checkin' and it brought tears of joy to her Daddy's eyes."

"And a fine job you did sir! We here at the big T.W.O. would like to thank you in person for helping out at that event."

"Weeeell, you're quite welcome, sonny, now what can I do for ya?"

" Well sir, we hope you can confirm reports of a disorderly person who had to be removed from your fine section, and ultimately from the entire facility. Can you tell us your side of the story?"

"Oooh yea. THAT YAY-HOO!!! I'm tellin' ya what... I knew that boy was nothin' but trouble the moment I seen them "Girls Gone Wild" stickers on the sides of his video camera!"

Sendero

[Andy]

Class. 100% sheer class.

[d. sileo]

Sendero--Tel us about the part where he attempt to regain access via back road ...... Section, rental Van, Mud, Stuck etc........... Nice post

My fingers got sore just reading it............

VIVA D

[city trials]

Who stole the World Peace Banner that was hanging from the trees at section 13?

[ringo]

[city trials]

This was who Dougie was staring at in the tree, it wasn't a blonde?

Edited November 14, 2004 by City Trials

[ringo]

Hey Dominic, let's think about this for a half second.

6'5" Blonde, Blue eyed, LOUD green Hawaiian shirt wearing guy in Minesotta, known by a majority of the trials community gets kicked out via radio so that everyone on the property knows, complete with police escort out to the van.

If you believe that I was really trying to get back onto the property, by driving a van up to the section, then you might also want to have your checkbook ready for the brand new 4 stroke that I'll have available for $1500

Rather, consider the fact that I had all day to wait for the rest of my crew and decided to find a place to take a hang out by the bridge.

I don't suppose you would opt to take a rental van for a spin on a dirt road if you didn't have anything better to do.

[d. sileo]

I'm not buying that story for a minute Johnny.......I can see the loop marker in the background........How p****d was Hertz ??? See you in Duluth.....D

VIVA 4RT

Edited November 15, 2004 by D. Sileo