Sendero Report:: Ringocross

[sendero]

Things are almost never as they appear, and such is the case with the recent Endurocross. Those that were there saw Ringo attempt to qualify, and a noble attempt it was, but that was only half the story. Let me tell ya how it REALLY went down...

I still had my pit pass on, a fake of course, and I quietly snuck in to see how the Ringmaster was doin'. I didn't want Security to spot me cuz I would have been booted out for sure. I didn't wanna miss the event. After a couple nice head fakes and diversionary "accidents", I was in...

"Hey Ringworm, howzitgoin? Hey, what's all this stuff here? Looks like the poop deck of the SS Guppy in here."

I yanked on the ropes a couple times.

Squeek. Squeek. Squeeeeeek.

"Jibe the Jib-boob and stow the mizit mast, be garrr!"

Squeeeek. squeek. squeeeek.

"Aaaaahhh! Stop it! Don't touch anything, Sendero! You're killin' me here, man!"

"What? What? Did that hurt? Sorry. How would I know. Geez. Man, that's gotta be the biggest cast I've ever seen. Can ya feel this?"

Knock knock knock

"AAAAAAAARGH! Gawd, don't ever do that again! Get away from me!"

"Tell ya what. I'll punch in a little more Morphine for ya. (three pokes to the button) There. Howz that?"

"Don't! I'm blitzed as it is! Any more of that stuff and I'm gonna have to start robbing liquour stores to support my habit."

"Nonsense. Here. Have another hit. (three more pokes to the button) Ya ready to talk yet? I wanna hear the whole story, and no BS this time. Go with the truth, OK?"

"Uuuuh... Sener... odo... nurse! Rid get ass this NURSE himoutta heeeere!"

"There, there my friend, now your feelin' better. Don't worry. you'll be able to form a complete sentence in no time. Morphine wears off quickly. I'll wait. I'm in no hurry. I wanna hear all about it."

Just then a drop-dead gourgeous 23-27 year old level 9 knockout hispanic nurse walked into the room.

"Oh, Hi Nurse... Gonzagas is it? I can't read your name tag. Can you come a little closer? Closer... Ooops... I'm sorry. It's Miss Gonzales. Ya know you have the prettiest black hair I've ever seen?"

"Oh... why thank you Meester..."

"Sendero. Meester Sendero."

"Gonzle ridda Nurse out Sender gone here!"

"Sure, Ringo. I'll see what I can do."

"Did you understand what he just said?"

"Yes. Yes I did. He said he would like a pastrami sandwich from the cafeteria. You'll get that for him, right?"

"Of course I will. He must be in so much pain, the poor thing."

"Oh you are as sweet as you are cute. Thank you dear. What was that Ringo?"

"Him get eeeer make go nurse marglbarfic away!"

"What did he say?"

"I think he said 'no tomatos and no pickles'."

"You can understand all that?"

"Oh yes. I ride with him regularly. Can ya grab him a soda too? Lots of ice. Thank you."

"Now... Ringo... How ya feelin? Ya ready to talk yet?"

"Ug. Aaaarglebeeegle. Mugfuzzingle izle gleebin. Uuuuuuggg.Ha Ha Ha!"

"Well, looks like you need a few more minutes, my friend. I've got the patience, no pun intended. My God, did you see the size of them things hangin' off the front of that nurse? Imagine the healing power of those Miracle Melons..."

"Gfomblegravits. Gonga lidfildomical sugginn ifle!"

"I know what ya mean, man. I know exactly what you mean."

Nurse Gonzagas comes back in...

"Oh dear, he doesn't look so good. Does he always drool like that?'

"Yup. That's normal... But THAT'S not normal!"

"Oh my God! What is that?"

"I think his mind is in the gutter! He's only wants one thing! Here, pour some of this on it."

"GOOGLIBOGGLEFINGLE!!!! NURSEN BOINGLADAZZLE!!! SENDER O DICKLEHEAD IGGINS!!!"

"Ringo, how can you think of a thing like that, at a time like this?"

"Did he say what I think he said?"

"What do you think he said? Here, if it's nasty, just whisper it in my ear."

whisper whisper whisper

"Yup, I think he said EXACTLY that. The CAD!"

"OH MY GOD!!!"

"That's terrible Ringo! Nurse... slap him."

"GET NURSE PLEASE SENDERO HELL THE HERE OUTA ME!!"

"You just better watch yourself Meester Gringo, or I just might cut off your... pain medication."

slap slap slap

"Yea! And just for that, ya wise ass, I'm gonna eat your sandwich for ya. And to think this fine young lady is here to help you in your hour of need. Shame shame."

"DID ANY SAYING NOT I ******* IT DAMN!!!"

I looked over at Nurse Gonzagas and shook my head in disgust...

"I got it from here, Miss Gonzales. I'll keep an eye on him for ya, and I'll beep ya if he says anything else like that again, so you can come back and slap him some more."

"Thank you, Meester Sendero. You are such a gentlemen, unlike Meester Gringo dirty mouth over there! I just might have to wash his smart mouth out with Hospital soap!'

She yanked on his ropes... squeek squeek squeek

"AAAAAAAAAAAHRRRRRG!"

...and she left the room.

Five minutes later...

"Man, that was a killer snadwich, dude. Ya missed out."

"SCREW YOU SENDERO!!! WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE YOU'RE DEAD MEAT!!!"

"Ringo! You're back! Right on! Are ya feelin' anything yet?"

"Yea, I'm good, but don't hit that button ever again. I was really out there man."

"I'm hip. You wouldn't believe how you handled yourself in front of that cute nurse. Tragic."

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No. You handled yourself... and got slapped."

"No way."

"Way."

"You are so dead."

"So, what happened?"

"I did it unloading my bike."

"Never fails. It's the most dangerous part of motorcycling."

"Did ya bring the hacksaw?"

"Yup. But hurry up. You're ridin' in five minutes. Need another hit?

"Hell no! Stay away from that button, jerkweed, and start cutting!"

Sendero

[29r]

Priceless !

Made my day !

You are... a true idiot !

My kinda Guy .

:santawink:

[ringo]

Ya know, with friends like Sendero, who needs a motorcycle?

Yep, that's exactly how I remember it. Infact, that's all I remember from the whole weekend.