g4321 Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 Take the time to get to the end and the punch line 40 degrees - Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Scotland sunbathe. 35 degrees - Italian cars won't start. People in Scotland drive with the windows down. 20 degrees - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Scotland throw on shorts and a T-shirt. 15 degrees - Californians begin to evacuate the state. People in Scotland go swimming in the sea. 0 degrees - New York landlords turn the heat on. People in Scotland have a last barbi before it gets cold. MINUS-10 degrees - People in Miami are extinct. People in Scotland lick flagpoles. MINUS-20 degrees - Californians all now live in Mexico. People in Scotland throw on a light jacket. MINUS-80 degrees - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Artic. Scottish Boy Scouts postpone winter survival exercise until it gets cold enough. MINUS-100 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Scotland wear a vest and pull down their ear flaps. MINUS-173 degrees - Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Scotland get angry 'cos they can't thaw their whisky.. MINUS-297 degrees - Microbial life starts to grind to a halt. Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands. MINUS-460 degrees - ALL atomic motion stops. People in Scotland start saying " A bit hill billy ... eh? " MINUS-500 degrees - Hell freezes over. Scottish people support England in the World Cup Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cota kid Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 I was once on a stag party with a load of Scottish blokes, the World Cup in Japan was on at the time, 2002, and these Jocks were wearing England shirts. It turns out that they were all staunch loyalists and Rangers supporters and were supporting England because they were a British Club. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barrybaines Posted June 23, 2006 Report Share Posted June 23, 2006 MINUS-173 degrees - Ethyl alcohol freezes.People in Scotland get angry 'cos they can't thaw their whisky.. Now that made me laught the most outta that joke! (i`m half Scottish by the way!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boofont Posted June 26, 2006 Report Share Posted June 26, 2006 It's all a bit sad when a handicaped man gets a kicking in Aberdeen for wearing an England football shirt, and a 7 year old lad and his dad get a beating for the same reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g4321 Posted June 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2006 t's all a bit sad when a handicaped man gets a kicking in Aberdeen for wearing an England football shirt, and a 7 year old lad and his dad get a beating for the same reason. Got to agree with you there Mr B. A bit of light hearted banter is fair enough I hope you still agree, just a pity that some dont know where to stop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cota kid Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 Well we can add Andy Murray onto the list of Scots who don't won't England to win in the World Cup. Mr Murray if your reading this....'England have more chance of winning the World Cup than you do of winning Wimbledon. In fact Scotland have more chance of winning the World Cup!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
g4321 Posted June 30, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 Mr Murray if your reading this....'England have more chance of winning the World Cup than you do of winning Wimbledon. In fact Scotland have more chance of winning the World Cup!' Then again he is doing a lot better than the pride of middle Engerland Tim henman! Hate Tennis - ladies tennis I can watch but have noticed Murray is proud to show his nationality so good luck to him! Wonder whn the commentators will change from Murray being Scottish to British (which he is) or even worse as normal happens English. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
essex rider Posted June 30, 2006 Report Share Posted June 30, 2006 i just saw on the telly that henman hill will be renamed murray mound, Why not just call it sh*t heap??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cota kid Posted July 1, 2006 Report Share Posted July 1, 2006 (edited) Mr Murray if your reading this....'England have more chance of winning the World Cup than you do of winning Wimbledon. In fact Scotland have more chance of winning the World Cup!' Then again he is doing a lot better than the pride of middle Engerland Tim henman! Hate Tennis - ladies tennis I can watch but have noticed Murray is proud to show his nationality so good luck to him! Wonder whn the commentators will change from Murray being Scottish to British (which he is) or even worse as normal happens English. I don't think of Timmo has the pride of middle England, but I wonder if Murray will better his 3 semi finals? I'm not a tennis fan but I hope so, as he does play for GB. As does Dougie who also represents GB but is from Engerland. Whats the attraction with ladies tennis? I much prefer womens beach volley ball. Edited July 1, 2006 by Cota Kid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bill.m Posted July 2, 2006 Report Share Posted July 2, 2006 Hey Guys, What's white and red and goes Beep, Beep, Beep ? Give Up. That'll be the open top England Team bus reversing back into it's garage. PS It was like living in Portugal round here last night, never heard so many cheers !! Oh and how many BRITISH players are still playing at Wimbledon ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cota kid Posted July 2, 2006 Report Share Posted July 2, 2006 Hey Guys, What's white and red and goes Beep, Beep, Beep ? Give Up.That'll be the open top England Team bus reversing back into it's garage. PS It was like living in Portugal round here last night, never heard so many cheers !! Oh and how many BRITISH players are still playing at Wimbledon ? What a great World Cup it must have been in Scotland. Supporting Portugal must almost have been like supporting Scotland if they had managed to qualify. It must be fantastic to be from a nation whose greatest footballing moments consist of watching England getting beaten on penalties. A nation with a BIG deep fried chip on its shoulder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
348mate Posted July 2, 2006 Report Share Posted July 2, 2006 (edited) you havin a laugh? I couldnt give a toss about portugal, or england . what i did and still do find amusing is somehow as per usual pundits and media alike down your way had england in the final as soon as the group stages were over.....Talk about big headed !! Only reason most scots/welsh irish want england out asap is to save the many hours of crap on OUR tv's day after day. s.m. Edited July 2, 2006 by 348mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atomant Posted July 2, 2006 Report Share Posted July 2, 2006 what i did and still do find amusing is somehow as per usual pundits and media alike down your way had england in the final as soon as the group stages were over.....Talk about big headed !! s.m. And what I did and still find amusing is somehow as per usual, you scots think we actually agree with what the pundits and media have to say . Dont you get it! they HAVE to say that as it sells papers and puts bums in front of seats in front of the TV... The same media thats paying their wages!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cota kid Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 you havin a laugh? I couldnt give a toss about portugal, or england .what i did and still do find amusing is somehow as per usual pundits and media alike down your way had england in the final as soon as the group stages were over.....Talk about big headed !! Only reason most scots/welsh irish want england out asap is to save the many hours of crap on OUR tv's day after day. s.m. A girl at work was in Edinburgh for the weekend. One pub was full of English watching the match and another Irish pub she went into was full of Irish supporting England. I think half the problem is plain old jealously. There was a big World Cup party out in Germany and Scotland weren't invited, as it was for the World's best footy teams. As regards Andy Murray, I suppose he will return to being British now he's blown Wimbledon. At least England got to the quarter finals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 I think half the problem is plain old jealously. There was a big World Cup party out in Germany and Scotland weren't invited, as it was for the World's best footy teams. The majority of us (barring the odd muppet), the problem isn't with the England football team or the English people, it's the English Media. It's hyped up beyond all belief and, as we share the same media, rammed down our throats left, right and centre. We're Scottish and we admit we're crap at football. On the odd occasion we do qualify, it's just an excuse to go down the pub with our mates to watch the game. We know we haven't a snowball's chance in hell of winning. You lot actually get sucked in by the media hype and BELIEVE. Sooner you admit to yourselves that your team perhaps isn't quite as good as the press would have you believe, the easier it will be to come to terms with losing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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